Thursday, December 28, 2006

the vigilant eyes awaken to taste reality, it is better, but its will makes it sweet, for it is a great challenge, a sweet great challenge.


that is my spirit for the time being :)


I pray for strength :)

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

realising home......

I am not a bird, or a fly buzzing irritably around, killing the soft music of silence. I do not shift or migrate, I am solid, I am the black dot inside the white see of silence, I am there, I move, yes I do that, but I do not migrate, I prove myself in the black dot, my kingdom, I am and will always be courageous enough, not to escape but I face whatever it takes, if it takes my blood, I paint the dot with red passion, if takes skin, then I am made of a leopard skin, I am an animal, do not arouse my instinct, let me be in that dot, yes in that dot, I change in that dot, I connect in that dot, I make it happen in that dot, the dot dot dot, I do not migrate, no more, I stay where it aches and it is sweet, because that dot, that black dot is home.
I do not wana blog, i dont wana rant, vent, I do not want to write, scribble, I do not want to speak, I do not want to hear, i dont wana shout, i dont wana sit, walk, run, i dont want to laugh, sleep, die, i dont want to be, but i DO want to do. I want to do. Do and achieve.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Character is fate

- Agatha Christie


----------------------------------------



اگاثا هاي، خوش مره، تعرف شلون تلخص حچي بطريقه دراميه ، ذو صدى شگاگي، ايعيط متل عياط البعير، لا منصدوك ،اذا احچايتهه طب عليها صاروخ العباس، و تفجيرات و تفخيخات و مصايب سوده، شلون الشخصيه هاي مالت الانسان الفرد اتصير قدره.......لو هاي دا تحچي على الناس اللي يفكرون، تفكير عبقري مثل حضرته.....

يلا حان الآن موعد الثوره...


طيط

Thursday, November 23, 2006

آمنت......في فلسفه تحشيشيه...

الحب نتيجه عن.....انعجاب شخص بشخص اخر، وممكن لهذا الانعجاب يتطور لحب......او هل ممكن للحب ان
يتكون نتيجة رغبه و نزوه جسديه محرقه....هل الحب منهمر من شلال احنه مكوني في سراب احلامنا....هل الحب حقيقه، او حقيقه جزئيه نقدر ان نكملها بكليه مطلقه اذا فتحنا ابواب قلوبنا على مصراعيها....هل الحب تنور ذهني، فلسفه معينه، تعبر عن سحر عيون الساحر البارع الذي اخذ عقلي، و جعلني مني بنت تافه بدون عقل....هل الحب غذاء نفسي، ننشفه من قطرات ندى انفاس الناس الذي نحبهم.........
كيف يحصل الحب، لما البكتيريا تتكاثر اسرع و لما سهام الحب تتعثر اكثر، لما كثرة الحروب، و لما قلة الرومانسيات ، على الاقل في عالمي، اليابس ، اليائس، الممل......
لما لاد فأ حنان امي، و ابي و اخواتي لا يكفي عقلي، روحي، نفسي، شعري، بصري، رؤيتي، لما هذه الرغبه في حصول على هذا الحب الخيالي، لما خيالي يخيبني بصنع لوحات خياليه لا احد يقدر ان ينالها سوى الخيال نفسه، يعني الخيال ينتمي للخيال....و الحقيقه لها بيتها..

انا آمنت بان نصنع من الحقيقه خيال ، و ننسج من روح الخيال وجدانيه حقيقيه جذابه، لمساتها حنونه متواضعه، و قبلاتها منهمره من شلال خيالي فاسق، الهامي، جنسي، محموق على ان نصنع من الحقيقه خيال.....
يلا وين هذا الحلو حتى احوكه و اسوي چاكيت حلو على كدي!
:D

Thursday, November 16, 2006

A is not for Apple, Alone!

Today after work, I went to see Y, the supervisor I had for my volunteering job, she wanted me to help D, an English teacher at the center teaching English for the new comers.
His students have varying levels of competence in the English language, and he could not review each lesson for each group, so I took group number two.
But I knew that one of the two students, was an Iraqi lady, in her early fifties, it is funny and surreal, how her Iraqi accent stood before my eyes as if it is a real chunk of land from AyiraK, ok ok, the “sikisteen” was definitely an Arab genre type of accent, but damn, did not I just die when she said “chibis”, while explaining her trip to food basic, upon D’s request at the start of the lesson how each student should explain of what he/she did during the week.
And oh, “ChilidRReen” !! :D

So, I ended up reviewing the numbers for them, and we did review some old vocabs, when we stumbled about the word “alone”, I asked if they know this word, she gave me some look, she said “I alone, live in mayi apaRRtmaint”, that’s how she recognized the meaning of the word, she looked sad for a bit, I asked the where abouts of her family, she told me that her “chilidreen” are in Jordan, Amman. She is an old woman, in a country she is new to, but then I could not stop, I asked how she came here and some other related questions, she felt a bit uncomfortable, and I just continued with the reviewing.

But then, I decided to go home when it was break time, I could not stay that long, I had to go home, I was tired and bored, and when I told her, that I will be going home, she almost jumped from her seat, wishing me to stay even more, wasn’t she ever so happy to discover another Iraqi soul such as herself. I proceeded with no thinking, and ever so spontaneously, I wrote my number on the tissue paper that I used previously to draw the meaning of the vocab, boat :D , and so I gave it to her. She is alone after all, she looked at me with happiness, but what so strange, she asked “ya3ni ani agdar akhbrich 3ala hatha il ra8um, ya3ni a7aslich?” (“I can call you on that number, can I get you on that number?”), deep down inside, I was “Duh, that’s why I gave it to you”, I left the classroom, seeing her big, wide smile following me until the exit.
I was apathetic to the volunteering thingi, but she made me feel something!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

ham dokhat il faransi again...

This is the second internship I can not apply to because I can not read/write/speak French, and it was tailored to the skills I have as an IR graduate, not fair, and it is in Sydney Australia, my heart is broken, but my mind is alert thinking of learning this damn language.

ciao for now… I prefer Italian though! :D

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Motivation, from where can I buy one kilo of motivation and presistence?

Before the natural inevitable mistake of procreation, and therefore, before inventing the need and the necessity to plant the crops to feed horny, stupid peoples’ babies, and that is inventing agriculture, human beings used to work only, ONLY two days a week, now, it is the opposite, simply because we have to. Ooof!

And after me delving into my freedoms, and after I have entertained my ears with melodies and rhythms of one of my favorite songs since high school, it goes like “we don’t need no education, trahhh, we don’t need to self control, trahhhh, got sarcasm in the classroom trah, hey teacher leave them kids alone, tan tan tan…” ah, it keeps my now-dull, grown up spirit alive, it keeps me motivated, but honestly, how did I get to university, if I have always unconsciously felt that way, which just now, I have discovered that I do not like to work, and I despise responsibilities, and I careless for details, although I love to be stimulated to know the knowledge of how this universe is made, and I love to make art expression of how I perceive the beauty and the ugliness of this world I live in.
I feel that, I …am a mere reflection of artistic stimulation my body, heart, soul feel, I draw the chains I see through politics that suffocate…me , whether it is political economy, socially political, or merely sexually political, I write, what I feel, and kiss the paper for the words I miss to hear where nuclear talk is what overwhelming the sphere, --that just rhymed yes—I just I do not hear love, What motivated me, to do my degree, International relations, is not my love to politics, but my love to my country, through this love, I became an idealist, even though the love is still there, my apathetic attitude is certainly making me feel apathetic about everything political, I just want to go on about my love, and live happily after, in the matter of fact, I lack ambitions, all I want to do, is to be relaxed, have fun time, read books, learn, I am currently trying to teach myself piano, I want to enjoy Arts, I discovered I have done a major mistake that I chose this field of study, even though I enjoyed it, enjoyed it a lot, it was like munching yummy chocolate after each class I attended, politics for me was like dark chocolate…but even though I enjoyed it, I felt that I was left unchallenged, a lot of people leave IR because they can’t handle the economics, and I managed to get my act all together with the economics, in the matter of fact, I loved analyzing and evaluating economic and market policies, I love stock exchange and all the bullshit behind the speculation acts and what not, I do love this dry side of politics, I do love to study political economy, and even political philosophy, it makes me feel alive, but , I can not imagine myself working with such knowledge in the real world, I discovered I like the thought process, of philosophy, politics, and economics, and if I ever liked to express anything in any real value as in real salary, career and all the ugly stuff, I would never like to imagine myself in a formal suit, or be in real positions working with MPs, I feel dry, I feel so un me, I just do not like it, but I would rather to express my social sciency knowledge or curiosity in a rather artistic forms, but certainly I can not play any musical instrument and certainly I do not have the consistency and REAL ambition to sit down and write a real play and a movie script as I want to.
I gota face the truth, I am a real bum in the inside, or probably what I am looking for, is not career oriented yet, I do not want to be in yet, I want to have friends, real friends, I want to travel, I want to make human contacts, I am so sick and tired, of doing what I have to do just because it sounds like the next step to do, honestly, I feel like belonging to some kind of island, clan, tribe, full of hippies, free thinkers, in touch with themselves kind of people, I totally reject the way life is run in this world, the total dependency on materialistic gains, to pay the bills, the mortgage, the routine, I do not want to know people who shop because they have nothing to do, or to expect some shopping healing therapy. I want to be in a world, where real people exist, the self-development I seek, is rather communal and not so individualistic, I can not take it anymore, I thought I became exogenous from the “community” or my need for people, especially if I have real cool sisters, but the dream of that hippi people’s island is still in my head, and it is not going away.
I am still abstract, how the hell, an abstract person such as me, can survive in this world, where positions are held by people who are outgoing, big mouth and talkative, pay attention to boring details, and egoism driven.

What should I be?

I do not know, time only can tell.

But honestly, I have not opened my “piano for dummies” for the last two days.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Guilty, but so are others!

The Iraqi community seems rather ecstatic, my friends’ msn title all pertain joyous messages over Saddam’s death verdict, Iraqi online forums are all hyped up with happiness, and most of Iraqis are keeping busy congratulating each other over this very “happy” moment.
As for me, I feel nothing, and I do not think that I am living a glorious moment, and I am no where close enough to be a Ba’thi sympathizer, I do not like to throw personal experiences that my family lived and went through in the air for the sake of creating a self-victimized anecdote, but I have to say it, yes, my father was imprisoned and he was on the verge of losing his life, because of a simple crime that he cursed Saddam Hussien publicly, he instantly got reported by Saddam's secret intelligence, and jailed, its funny we did not know where he disappeared for a while.
No Iraqi needs to be affiliated in any political opposition to Saddam to feel Saddam’s reign of oppression, because he with quite of a magic touch, influenced and affected every Iraqi soul you can think of, the very fact that I am Canadian now, is because of Saddam Hussien, and the so many dreams I have dreamt ever since I was a child in relation to my country, like going how I wanted to go to a university in Baghdad, never took place because of Saddam, and not only those pink like child dreams, but real messy, hard life that I had to endure like changing my high school six times, I had to leave friends behind and re-make new friends again, the very fragile life my family lived before we became Canadian, from Visa issues, not knowing to what country we should go to, since our Iraqi passport and nationality did not give us that many of options, and again, thanx to Sadam Hussien, the “savior” of the Iraqi nation, and thanx again for messing and screwing up Iraq big time, one of the richest countries in the world, we Iraqis kept a stright line in queues to get our food rations, and the piece of chicken as a Makrama during Ramadan, and thanx Sadam Hussien for creating his envisaged, dreary Iraqi nation, which only gave birth to collaborators whom they brought foreign rule, and occupying our country until this moment.

But I wonder, with all the pain my family had to go through, just to get away from Saddam’s Iraq, why I find myself not so joyous over his death sentence.

I mean, Saddam Hussien is and still is, the way I curse life or whatever when I feel mad, I use the infamous life “kharab Saddam”, a lot of Iraqis use it, its cool and comes quite handy, since it is so expressive of how we feel!

But why, I do not feel joyous over this sentence.

The big, big reason, Saddam’s overthrow and deposition into the trash bin, did not become a reality through Iraqis earnest hard work, and what I mean by Iraqi, I mean real Iraqis, who lived in Iraq and endured what Iraqis went through, and not because of some dogmatic force, that will later be used as propaganda to divide the masses.

Saddam’s sentence, is America’s hard work, it is the plan that America envisaged, especially that elections are coming and they do need some sensational Hollywood moves in here, eh! So let them flex their muscle, and show what they’ve got really happening in Iraq, covering their death tolls with something even more emotionally trendy.

Saddam’s sentence is politically right, it suits power politics, hence the powerful rules, but it is not in according to fairness.
I have Milosovic, I wonder, is he still having his juice in his prison, why isn’t he sentenced to be hanged as well, wasn’t he responsible for heinous war crimes, notoriously famous for ethnic cleansing?!

And what happens to other dictators, why indict Saddam and not Mugabe, why is there still so many other dictators roaming around freely with no International rule restriction over their foul, criminal misbehaviors.

There are so many ruthless figures have gotten their ways, for example, Henry Kissinger, whose responsible for the death of a large number of south East Asians, also, he got some misbehavior in Latin America. How about George Bush, dashing in to a country with no legal claim, barging into a country with no responsibility to maintain law and order, but only to perpetuate lawlesness, the Abu Ghraib scandal, I would like to see a real trial over what happened over there, and to verify whether there was instruction from top to bottom to normalize torturous means into the investigation query.

And not only foreign bullies, how about other Iraqis responsible for killing other Iraqis, I know Saddam was a hyena, I know the Iranian-Iraqi war served no purpose, but how about other collaborators responsible for killing other Iraqis, the ones who collaborated with Iran against Iraqis, killing Iraqi soldiers during the war. It is wrong and very wrong to think that Saddam is the only one, there are the others.

Trial should include for all the ones who have killed an innocent Iraqi live, and responsible in destroying our homeland.


I would have applauded this trial process, later the verdict, whether death penalty or not, if it would have been a solely Iraqi process, coming from the ethos of the Iraqi people and nothing else, I would have applauded this verdict if it was not tailored to suit the interests of foreign occupying forces in my country, and I would have applauded this verdict, if Iraqi people were smart enough to be a unified force, and one voice, and not clashing over a death sentence that has nothing to do with them and quite exogenous to their very wants and desires!


But then again, Saddam is guilty!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Personal discoveries and more questions to go?

For me now, spirituality is praying for goodness and goodness alone, it washes away waste, dust, mud, and all the plethora of germs and useless worldly pleasures, spiritually is creating the principled ethics that I make my decisions from, it trims away the unnecessary baggage that freedom can bring upon me, this total freedom which gave me the ability to o discover so many things, but it could have been pricey. Without conscious, and an awakened heart, one will go lost at the bottom of worldly pleasures, and the more one gets of this pleasure, the more empty it he/she would feel, and the more hardened the heart it would feel, while the soul, it would complain that it can not go any further, it is still stationed, idle, doing nothing, has no air, nothing in, there is no food, gas, and real stimulation to run its engine.
I have always wondered, why Churches, Mosques, Synagogues, and Temples, why Imams, Clerks, Popes, Shamans?
Why religion, why believe?
And why spirituality?

Religions and their existences as the lady that gave birth to spirituality, but not! The human ardent search for the endless questions of existence, and the urgent human need to fill the void inside, and not to get lost in so many seemingly amicable human emotions, which spirituality can by itself end all the misery of going down to the bottom. Spirituality is the only one responsible for discovering higher ideals, from these higher ideals; we get morality, and then the human’s first honest effort to write down these discoveries in books hence religions, but then again, human can pervert, pervert all, therefore books are not reliable in my books, and I need to question even more.
This spirituality realizes a higher being, it is discovered, before I called it my watch angels, and they can be the opposite for the purposes of enlightenment, ie. You do a bad dead, something bad in return will happen to you, although not the case all the time.
History, also teaches us that we humans have always searched for the creator and the progress of this discovery became into monotheist belief, it is rather funny how humans made statues symbolizing or believing that it is, it, god or the goddess. Going monotheist, is the ultimate result of finding the creator, and it is also, the ultimate power of human strength to communicate with god or the natural spirit of this universe.

I was an agnostic, I did not believe in any absolute truth, and I could not also, omit god’s existence, but I named god, a natural power that with all my human senses I can not explain.
But now, I just made a simple substitution, unknowingness became believing in 3ilm il ghayb, and now, I believe in some sort of karma, and other godly way of communication to us, to enlighten us.
I dunno, I believe right now, in the spiritual discoveries of religions, I believe in some of the moral commandments (golden rule) they have discovered through spirituality, yet they are changeable as we all still in a spiritual progress. I definitely have problems with the conventional idea of Hell and Heaven, as I believe that doing good in order to go to heave is the downfall of morality itself, I believe in discovering goodness and to be closer to god.

I still have more questions, I have read some few soras from the Quran, I did find what I needed in some parts, whilst, some others, I did not need, want or believe.
I enjoy reading, surat al fati7a, and it means a lot to me, also, sorat al fala8 and nas, however, I still have problems with more sorats. I am also, intending to read other religions; I need to know more about Christianity, and Buddhism.
I would say that, I can be as spiritual as I want to be, in any religion or believe I feel like, I dunno, if that makes be a bahai, I really don’t know and I don’t care if my believes don’t subscribe to whatever mainstream religion.
But in the time being, I try my best to be good, I say hamdulah, astaghfurulah, and la7awola wala 8uwat ila bilah, and I feel the sakeena (peace).


Salam

Monday, October 16, 2006

إكتشاف روحي....

في ظلمات الأزقة الرأسماليه،هناك أبناء لم ترة أبائها و أمهاتها لمده طويلة، طويلة، ترهق القلب ولعا، لكنهم، مشغولهن، كلهم، مشغولون.......في ظلمات الشهوى الرأسمالية الفرديه، تغوص النفس البشريه في عمق الفراغ الأبدي، لا روح لديها، مجرد سيارة ماديه، هائمه في شوارع الشهوات و النزوات، تأمل في الإمتلاء ، نعم إمتلاء المعدة، و العين، و النزوات المؤقتة، الزائفه، فهناك الغلام اليتيم، يبكي على أبه، و هناك ما لما يسأل عليه أحد....في ظلمات الرأسماليه، هناك أنحطاط، إجتماعي، جرثوم يفكك النسيج العائلي......لم أكن أرى الشي الجيد في وجودية ربي، إلا عندما سأمت من فراغ روحي، و كيف هناك حب بين ناس، و إذا بالروح جوفاء، كيف أقبل الخير لأجل الخير، إذا إندفاعي مادي، أه....سبيل الروح في الروحانيه، تحسس الروحانيه، غذاء نفسي، لكي لا أضيع نفسي، و حب الله، حب الله، حب الله، أستغفر الله......و حدانية ربي، أجدها في خيراتي ربي من تعاليمه، و كم كنت أجادل مع أمي، و ما شأن قوانين ربي في عقلي، كنت بغروري أثق أن خططي العقلية ليس لها من مثيل، فأنا مدبرة قوانيني الشخصية، فإذا بفراغ صدري، و في ضيعاني، كنت أعتقد أنه أكتشاف نفسي، وجدت تدابير الله، أستغفر الله، أستغفر الله.....
ما هي قوانين ربي، إلا بأصدارات روحانية، لا يعلمها الله إلا إلينا.نعم إلينا....أستغفر الله......أستغفر الله، و أتوب إلليه.......

أستغفر الله....

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

in7irgat a39abi, galbi itakasar, itmaza8....

I read the latest entries of Miraj in her blog Baghdad Chronicles http://blog.aliraqi.org/, what a sad story, I swear, I felt really sad when I read it, I can not imagine myself in the place of um Hasan, wala, it is really sad, so I wrote this poem to express my anger and sadness, and my great contempt against this ugly war brought upon the lives of innoncent Iraqi civilians, may god and the good forces of nature be with them.

wala galbi inshila3 shal3eh,

Here is it,

Titled: Price of War

Longing,
Where infinity cannot reach.
Chocking,
The innocents’ hearts with war and its sordid mischief.
Distancing,
Between the bullets, her kisses cannot reach.
Aching,
The wound of her love to him, she digs her fear,
away away,
in the black box of silence, (solemn ) ….. melancholy and sadness are here.
Spilling,
Avalanche of love she feels,
to him,
no where, he is found,
Kidnapped, missing, taken, away… away!
But,
he still lives in the sight of her eyes,
her stomach,
womb,
flesh,
and through her tears;
her ears, hear his echo from a distance,
Imagining him, his touch, his kisses…
She cries in her labor,
in his name,
“Oh dear, oh dear, my love, your baby son, Hasan is here!”







:(

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Bluntly Generalizing Men

Generalizing Men -=- Lets have some fun!!


African-American, African-Canadian, African-European – witty, confident, courageous, and honest with one’s feelings. The best when it comes to approaching women.
Type: hot chocolates, good to slurp to heat the body in winter.
Husband Material: 5/10


Canadian – they pass as polite boys but the truth is, they can’t ask a girl out, nor have any confidence to do so, only if they are intoxicated with booze, bars are mostly the place for them to meet potential mates, their greatest difficulty is to figure out what women want. The advantage is, women learn how to be the pants, but they will always bitch of how horrible men are.
Type: cold vanilla to add some cream to sour nights, nothing less or more.
Husband Material: 5/10
Observation: watch out for the shy guys, they make great husbands if you can compromise with your ambitions.


Americans – edgy, witty, foxy, sexy and funny. They are never afraid to strike any joke, they are great when it comes to break the ice, and they know how to seduce women, they are just fun, however they make bad politicians.
Type: hot.
Husband Material: 5/10
Observation: watch out for the cultured and humbled ones, they are great.


Arabs – All about extremism. Either the religious guy or the sayi3 pimping everywhere.

Arabs – Iraqis – He is either the shy, traditional guy that can not ask a girl out, probably he will ask his mom to pick his wife, or the super duper opposite, loose and just loose, with some double standards. And reactionary.
Type: alrighty..
Husband Material: 7/10
Watch out for the guys in the middle of the spectrum, educated, enlightened and handsome, they make great husbands.


Arab – Lubanese – Extremism is found, only there are more guys in the middle of the spectrum as in comparison of the above.
Type: They can have romantic features, over plucking eyebrows sometimes is not attractive for guys, and too dressy, which can be a turnoff,
Husband Material:7/10


Arab – Egyptian – Extremism is found, fewer guys in the middle compared to the above, they rather come in extreme packages, people with wahabi li7ya walking down the University campus or pimping, good advantage, their romantic character come in extreme, and there you go, you have your 3abd il 7aleem, enjoy!
Type: alirghty.
Husband Material:7/10


Arab- Syrians – Extremism is found; almost same as above, more balanced guys are found. They are very polite, and can acquire nice flirtation tactics, but can be very boring. More traditional, and laid back.
Type: alrighty.
Husband Material: 7/10


Arab-Palestinians – Extremism is found, and vivid. They are great when it comes to approaching women; they have the character to please females. They are manly, and never shy to say what they want, great when it comes to flirting, although can be sexist.
Type: Hot. The hottest among Arab guys, although there are sleaze balls out there, better watch out.
Husband Material:6/10

Indians – Their charm come from their sensuality, although they can be totally horrible if they don’t like the girl. They know how to have great fun and they totally dig Arab chicks, they are more liberal, and hip.
Type: Alrighty.
Husband Material:6/10


Polish – Shy guys that pretend to have it all. Traditional and can be very boring.
Type: Mostly plain and boring, but their nice looking blondies must be spoken of.
Husband Material: 7/10


Now, I don’t have any other group of men to generalize, too bad!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Inspiration to activism.


People that want to do something inspire, the ones that stay idle, stay as it is.

With my very short, blogging experience, distances between me and some other Iraqi bloggers from outside Iraq just like me are shortened, I have discovered that there are Iraqi individuals who want to do something to uplift Iraq in any practical means possible and attainable to them. One notable Iraqi American activist Nayj -
http://hagardiaries.blogspot.com/ , thought that we should brains storm and think of what we can do to help Iraq. Little Penguin from http://iraqi-signor.blogspot.com/ commented once in my blog, exclaiming … “How am I meant to contemplate my existence or meditate whilst tens of Iraqis are being killed everyday? It's impossible,” even though he sounded very emotionally outraged and exaggerative at least to me, his patriotism is distinguished
After my realization about some Iraqi bloggers, I chit chatted with an Iraqi online friend of mine from New Zealand, I have known him for the past six years, he told me, that he and some of his friends will be starting a group using the advantage of Media to spread their views of Iraqi unity and patriotism, and he asked me to be the Canadian representative, which I of course accepted.

The point is, there are many Iraqis that want to do something, and we just need collective efforts, and the will. But it should not be sudden, or abruptly, it should be gradually, I believe there should be social activism at first, which can definitely lead to be a political one. We need to bridge the distances between Iraq’s different political views; we should hinder and halt any propaganda and their effects in making perceptions of the other, the other “group.”

Iraqis outside Iraq can contribute to great activism than the ones inside, in the matter of fact; we can help the activism inside Iraq. Iraqis inside Iraq do not have as much as mobility as we do abroad. I remember watching a documentary in Aljazeera about Egyptian bloggers, and it was great to watch, and it was amazing of how much power a blogger can have, not only a blogger can show human rights abuse through the snap shots he took from his camera to broadcast it online, but also, they can also assemble protests, and make their voice heard! I thought to myself, how come educated, patriotic Iraqi youth are not doing that as well, the answer is simple; we just have more bombs dropped in Iraq than in Egypt.
The question then is, how can activism thrive in such an insecure environment, not only intellectuals are murdered but the educated are leaving en masse and they can’t wait to leave!
How can we Iraqis formulate some sort of activist civil society?
I am looking for answers. Any creative thoughts?


But I must admit, I though of activism ever since I started blogging, but the thought died away, probably that my realization that there are quite a good number of Iraqis that want to do something, was not there, since I have not discovered that “many” that want to do something.

And now, I just want to attach something really old, an email I wrote to some friends, I wrote it when my uncle was given the ultimatum to leave Basra because of his sect. I Thought of doing something, and I could not do, now, my uncle he can’t go back, and is applying for his immigration to Canada, of course with the financial help of my mom and my other uncle, but how about the very poor!

Here it is:

First of all, excuse me if I come across that I know it or too naively ambitious due to limitations, which I know off.

The Iraqi people should know who is doing them good and who is not. Therefore, reporting human rights abuses is our first step, we should publicize our findings to enlighten the population because it is in my opinion for the interest of the Iraqi nation, Iraqis should learn and know how much it is important to stick with each other. An Iraqi fighting another Iraqi is just ill and horrible, and it is even more morbid once one realizes that the forces behind it are either foreigner or Iraqi powers that cares only about its certain group, and I am talking about everybody in here.

Apart from reporting human rights abuses whom we should work in coordination from trustworthy sources inside Iraq whom both Arabic and non-Arabic media are chicken scared to report, we should also, work on the social level, by educating Iraqis on many misconceptions that have been fed to them by powerful elites whom I think care only about exerting their power. I believe that Iraqis whether outside or inside, see only their clouded thoughts, and these clouds are their sense of victimization that their sect probably only the one that has been victimized, with us educating them, and reporting human rights abuses, people will see the Big picture and not be only overwhelmed by their own life examples whom they very well can attest that they are being hurt because they were Christians, Sunnis, Shia’s or Mandeans for example.

I totally believe that the Iraqi people are ready to work on having a great, stable life, it is just they do not know how to work together on this, therefore we should help to accentuate the culture of ta3awin, or helping each other regardless of background or any other regional differences. In Iraq or the greater Middle East, we do not have the culture of voluntary work, everyone seems to be stuck in their own lives, I believe in promoting such culture, and every individual should feel that they can help, a lot of people feel helpless or un-ambitious on what their abilities can do, even in the west they are people like that.

Iraqis should discover other Iraqis; they should discover that we all want to live a great life in our country and that we all want a country that we feel proud of belonging to it.

I am well aware of our limitations, but step after step we will have more succinct plant on how to get to our goals, the west did not reach to the way it is, it only reached its height when people knew what was the right thing to do, Iraqis should get their rights and fight for their rights, or else we will be puppets directed by our bosses of Iran and the USA.

That is at least theoretically, practically I do not know how to grow, but I know our first step is for instance forming this network.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Finding what is in there?

There is nothing I appreciate from ticking clocks and time progression, only that of maturity. Yes, I find maturity and being matured is one of life’s valuable assets. It clarifies the mind, it gives a lot of understanding of one’s self, therefore one can make the right decision without harming one’s self or others. It is purely peaceful tranquility, it is just majestically the calm blue sea, it is love at its ease, and I wish everyone inner peace.
The thing is, human beings are so complex regardless of how simple and naïve a person maybe perceived or how he/she perceives their selves. We are made of so many interlaying, entangling emotional feelings, and our responses and reactions to them can be really vague, incomprehensible and obscure at times, and then the stupid - confusion – takes over.
I hate it when I am confused. It is like the rage of the sea monsters, and you wonder from where did these fictional monsters arise from, how and why?
And it takes a lot of courage, and inner strength to clarify the self, to know the self. And one should be independent from the mainstream genre, one should really see one’s self through the perspective of one’s self, I am not trying to be too individualistic, we are social beings afterall, but at times, too much dictation from what the socialization process to be ‘normal’ or the pressure to be along the lines of being ‘normal’, can hinder one’s ability to understand one’s self.
Not what works for everyone, but it works for they self, a lot of people may say “Duh”, but not a lot of people realize that, and not a lot of people realize of the courage of drawing their own conclusions that are suitable to their own well being, and the empowerment they can can feel if they do so.
Understanding one’s self and knowing the principles that one can find through observation, contemplation and meditation, therefore maturity is one powerful feeling and that reaching the ‘being’, and that reaching ‘inner strength’.

Friday, September 01, 2006

I dump my fears in the black hole, in the universe I swim and dive where time as a creation does not count, only celebration and truth I count, creation is me, I wear the stellar shine as my gold, the sun’s jerking fire are my strands of hair, I swim and swim in the universe, fearless, as my fears are in the black hole, I am free, free to what I want, my strength is not the coldness of the moon, but down to earth, I am, my heart is warm.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Anarchy does work!

Check out this video, it is hilarious...it is amazing there was no car accident whatsoever! Sharp!
Enjoy :)


http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2063667852598904740&hl=en

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Yesterday, one of my best friends was back from Libya, it was one year and I did not see her, I was preparing the kubeh with my mom, since they are also, family friends, we were making, the usual, the feast to welcome them.

While I was making the kubeh,- butaiteh chab, I did not feel the will or the power to see her again, I felt, she is gone, why see her again, I was apathetic, I cared less to see her.

Me and mom, we prepared the food, cleaned, and tied up our place, I was still feeling lethargic at heart, I cussed and fussed about the Arabic/Iraqi culture of how we make a big deal when someone comes to our place, I also, pitied myself for being so insensitive and ugly in the inside.

When it was time, the bell rung, I saw my friend, she gave me a long, warm hug, I wanted to feel something, and I could not.

I was inhuman. I hated myself, I mean sometimes feelings are the only thing that we have in this world and in richness, but I had them in poor.

But once we started talking, I figured out, why I liked her, I love my friend, the warmth we feel with each other, the feeling of home we feel with each other, I felt she was so relieved being here, with me and with my sister and mother and everything.

And I am so proud of her; she is done with her first year in medicine. My friend I wish you all the best, and I love you, and I am saying this, not because she will be reading this, but I feel like saying it.
Having to go through these bizarre feelings of emotional instability with my friend, my mom is leaving to North Carolina tomorrow, and I think I will break into tears (I never cry when people leave), I mean, she had two jobs before where she lived away from us, but now, I do not think I can take it any longer, damn, I love my mom and I want her home, the whole place had a new feel when she came, even though she was nagging as usual, but ……………….I will try to be stronger, one perquisite to survive in this world. But I must admit, I am getting too tired.

I wrote this today:

الناس رايحه و راجعه
و الگلب مفطور.

ساكنة حب الهوى
و الهوى مفقود.

روحت حبايبي و سفرهم،
مثل نسمة الهوى بالعلالي..إتشيلني،
و تعوفني بلاية هوى...ما موجود..

رجعة و روحه...بالطيارة لو بالريل..
فوك و جوه....
الگلب مهزوز...مهزوز..

Political Analysis

There seems to be a new “modeh” to attach the nationality Iraqi with more detailed sectarianism, living abroad, this new “modeh” I have witnessed is mostly and if not always coming from non-Iraqis.
There is the type that wants to appear all knowing, probably as news paper-intellectuals, and there is this type whom they think that they are the top-notch political analysts, visualizing Iraqi politics in a very discreet, absolutist either white or black type of analysis, leaving so many intricate, details in the trash bin.
The supposed, ever so existent Sunni and Shi’a schism is not the only analytical tool of Iraqi politics, I do not hear much about the tainted secularism, or anything about class issues in Iraq, after all, we are one hell of a “6aba8i” society.
Not so long go, women in Iraq used to wear mini skirts in their universities’ campuses, Iraq had the first female judge in the whole, wide Arab world and Middle East, and ages ago, Sunnis and Shi’as from the same social class had more in common with each other, than with their counterparts from the lower social strata.

Why is there a lot of ignorance about class struggles in Iraq, isn’t one of the reasons of why communism found quite of a receptive audience in Iraq?Iraqis started hearing stories of a female Engineer marrying a trucker, this did not happen before. Wasn’t there also, Shi’a political parties attracting Sunni’s political activists, so both and together to combat the wide spreading secularism in Iraq. The later, might not be so much of a use for political analysis today, but the history of this type of the Iraqi political scene makers were not absolute in complexion, even with the proposed variables I am offering for more detailed Iraqi political analysis, I am, also, being discreet.

Why can’t people admit, Iraq has always been a volatile, crazy place, it was never defined in absolutism, or else, you will have error inscription all over, and isn’t that what is happening!
So, why do I hear in the media of this absolutist, blunt analysis of Iraqi politics and society, so deterministic into made-up blocks, Sunni’s and Shi’as.

For all those foreigners, you think you know me if you knew I was Sunni’s or Shi’a, and likewise, for all those stupid, Iraqi politicians, they think they know me and who I support because of my background, did not Iraq witness brothers and sisters, part of them atheists, part Sunni’s and part Shi’as, aren’t there tribes in Iraq, that are partly Shi’a and partly Sunnis, how about Baghdad, how stupid of them trying to divide a city that is so “mixed” in every orientation possible; funny I use “mix”, I am sorry, but I do not accept such a silly term, I just need it to get in your head, you fool.
I never knew what my parents were, Sunni’s or Shi’as, only when I came to Canada, call me stupid, ignorant, whatever, I careless, but I sincerely did not know what kind of sect my parents belonged to, and I also, talked to couple of Iraq-Canadians, and they found the same thing, they did not know what kind of sect they belonged to. In Iraq, I do not remember people asking others if they were Sunni’s or Shi’as, it was “3aib” and nashaz, y3ani shameful and odd. And even when I try to remember my childhood friends, I have difficulty figuring out who is Shi’a or Sunni, we simply do not know, probably we were little kids, but this kind of culture and identity politics, even if it existed in realms I did not experience before, is exacerbating, I mean we have political parties according to one’s religious sects, call me a self-imposing secularist, but that does not make sense, at least to me. I mean Iraq need political parties that offer economic solutions, some sustainable development plans, something to progress social well-fare of the Iraqi people, something to combat SECTERIANISM and not to promote it, probably end those stupid militias, are those stupid politicians thing they can do something about the militias, in a country where its politics all run by identity politics, each group feel frightened, security is needed to all Iraqis. In the end, the very plebian masses of the Iraqi society are the ones who are paying the price, not the elitists, and the very weakness of these masses is that they listen to these elitists, Iraqis should be given books, or at least history books, so they can know they their grandparents long time ago, had a civilization to offer to the world and not disgusting ignorance. (I actually voice my concern to give books to the entire middle east/Arab world).
If only people felt the love to their country, and I must admit, I am just writing in here, and I will be eating my mom’s home made ba8lawa. Damn, i live in luxury! I am thankful.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Feeling a bit homesick lately, i wrote this.



The heart is a flower,
Wilting,
Dying,
It needs you.
In the darkness,
It feeds from its sadness,
The beacon, is you,
My hope,
My Iraq,
It is you,
Wilting because of you,
It needs you my Iraq,
Water thee, from your Euphrates,
Your Tigress.
Let me regain what I have lost,
Your love, my home.
Oh, I do not dither,
The heart, the mind, Uniting, choosing you,
My love, you are my motherland,
Oh by the names of Inana and Ishtar
My heart is Trembling,
Estranged,
In a strange land,
but,
no longer feeling estranged of your vicious inside,
Your violence and killer bombs,
For that I know, it is not you.
I am writing poetry,
Of a strange link to my essence,
My Mesopotamian essence,
my true vernacular.
Oh, I swear by the name of your palm trees,
Not you who brought the scourge and the plague,
Not you who brought the rapist, the murders,
Not you who raised the devils.
My love, Iraq, I want you back,
My country.