it is the DNA

To be liberated is to be convinced of one’s choices based on free will and rational he/she pertains, of course not resulting in harm to anyone or anything.
But does the state of nature allow such liberation to happen? Do we have time, resources in abundance? Who owns time? Can we stand confidently independent from nature and its inevitable course?
We definitely do not have any absolute control over wrinkles, sagginess, and old age, how false is it, when I hear notions of the legendary, modern woman of how she liberated herself from the ticking clock, the biological clock?
Did this liberation, really liberated women from the number, that is age, yes I can not locate the word spinster in any modern dictionary of the minds, yes people yearn and long not to be associated merely to their age, it is prevalent nowadays to see the age gap between the genders closing, it even seems that teenagers want to be grownups nowadays, almost we are having a linear age in appearance and attitude.

But how much we strived rationally to not think about it, it is still futile…. I am still in a state where I feel that nature is to the advantage of males. Even though, both the male and the female genders have their biological clocks ticking since their conception until it stops, quite happily when death is the graduation (I do try to be optimistic, that was my 2007 resolution)
But how I feel currently is that women’s biological clock is faster. I made a quick research of the marriage age world wide, and the number one common denominator is that it is almost always that the female age of marriage is less than that of men, the only difference is that in collective, religiously steered communities people marry at a younger age than communities who are not, where tradition, role of religion and pressure to be married are much less to effect their psyches.
But why is it that men marry at a later age? Do they value their freedom more than women? Is it the inherit biological trait to spread their sperms/seeds everywhere possible, whilst a women is specific to find that one to make an offspring from? And why is that men with less testosterone make great family men, whilst those with high amount of testosterone have much less ability of becoming family men?
Do women get attached faster than men? Are men fond of experimentation more than women? Why is it men dream of having sex more, than women? And why is that women dream of having families and babies more than men?
Is it the nature of this universe, and is it illogical to ask why, and is it only logical to find rules within such nature?
Why such forces of each gender differs so tremendously, is it to ensure population increase, and why is that, do we need more babies, we have enough orphaned babies in stock, what is the use of this excessive lust, desire? I find it meaningless, and it is meaningless, I really do have problems of how things are run, and what is worse, women develop wrinkles and old age signs earlier than men….it is really horrible..
But this legendary, free, modern woman equaled the man, she trespassed him, she is as lustful, as freed as he is, she even cheated more than he did at times, she dominated, she allured, seduced, she experimented, experienced, she is unstoppable, she is the brave heartbreaker and she is also, unable to love at times, as he is too, and here it is, the “shopping complex”, the pernicious psychological ailment of all times. Just like we shop, and we shop for each season, so our sexuality, and love life changes. How sad!


But in a such a free environment, I still hear him, the dominant man, still loud and demanding as ever, Why is it I hear more men than women, announce their plan to marry at their thirties, are these all women that these men experience, are just short term play things?
Is the freedom that society attained is more in consolation of men’s desires than that of women?
Why is when I still live in free Canada, a free country, I feel that women’s sexual freedom is still a reactionary act to that of men’s freedom, and not so original of their wants.
Or why in the other case scenario, when women are not commitment lover, and do not yearn for marriage find themselves compelled to think about it, when their mothers or their biological clock remind them that they are growing older and not younger.

Everything is still in leverage to that of men.

How is that for my 2007 resolution? Quite optimistic …I guess not.

Of Muslim/Christian Relations this week

I – Sociopolitical


I do not have details, but the city where I live, one guy, a convert from Islam to Christianity originally Lebanese, he fought during the Lebanese civil war, quite ironically against the Christian side. A war graduate, this guy made a one hour speech in a church, about the threat of Islam, Islam according to him is a religion of war and seizer of those unlucky infidels to be in “hell”, his speech attracted many, the non Christians, the Muslims who wanted to challenge this man’s need for some attentions, also, it attracted many Christians whom they found the whole scenario as unrepresentative of their views and thought of it as propagating hate, many wanted to challenge this man, however, there were the ones who wanted to know more about the origins of the drawbacks of Islam, one of those people, I talked to , not in any Church or in any zealot gathering, but a taxi driver, I was on my way to starbucks to meet some friend for some coffee, totally unaware of the extent of this ongoing event in my very quiet city. This taxi driver asked me if I am university student, and what am I studying and all these type of questions, pretty unusual, and he asked me what I think of what happened. Weird. My opinion seemed to be of value to him, but with all due honesty, I told him that I was reading only news headlines, and I have not had the mood nor the time to take an interest in these stuff, but we talked about it nevertheless, we brought the Danish cartoon and the Muslim reaction, what I found really hard, is to defend it from a Muslim point of view, I have always found it hard to be confounded within any religious realm, rising my opinion among my Muslim fellows, is not as much as different as a westerner raising his/her opinion, well to some extent, but what I told the Taxi driver - after broadcasting the news that I come from a Muslim family , that “Muslims are mostly moderate, and most of them want peaceful lives, and the speech was uncalled for”, but I meant every word I said, why would this guy want to disrupt our way of life in this very peaceful city, I have always took pride, that Muslims in my city did not react the same reactionary way as other Muslims from other parts of the globe, I have always took pride that Muslims in my city, protest in a very civil manner unlike what happened violently in France, Canada is just different, but then again, 2006 they busted a terrorist cell in Toronto, however, how far would this escalate, I believe it is dependent on the Canadian foreign policy, if we lead a pro US stance, then I am sorry, simply because it means we are going to enter a war, we must respect and cherish our economic ties with the US by not forgetting our identity as Canadians, we are peacemakers, and if that is laughable, so be it!
As I was approaching starbucks, the taxi driver, seemed to be enigmatic and ardent to ask me this question, that why is it hard to critique Islam without expecting an effusive reaction?
This has always been my question, and when a person asks a question that I usually ask, or lets just say, when a person asks MY question, would he be expecting an answer! I felt hesitant, I tried to play down my insecurities, conceal it with some naïve, self-belittling sarcasm, I told him that “ I haven’t used my brain for a time, ever since I graduated”, and He laughed at me, I guess I a m good for amusement purposes, I added, that “I don’t have a job yet and I just want to see my friend for coffee, and both of us are infidels from Muslim and Christian point of view, and I have not thought about this issue for a long time”, he continued with his laughter, as he was stopping to drop me, he asked “so you gona get wasted for the day”, I told him no “its just coffee”. But sure, I did have some Heinekens, weird, I guess Christians are good in predicting my future drinking habits, but honestly, bars are much nicer on Mondays, you can actually hear people speaking, No, you can actually have some good stimulating talk, I thank the “infidels” for that.

oh , and yesterday my cousin volunteered to safe guard the mosque.




Muslim/Christian relations

II --Romance


A lot of people discriminate when choosing a handsome lover, rich husband, big breasted wife, and it is based on a lot of checklists, however, there are people that can transcend such differences or their religious and cultural checklists of whom they have to marry, that’s when discrimination is deleted and tossed in the garbage bin.

A close friend of mine is in love with a Christian man, and she is Muslim, in a society as mixed as ours such problems will also, put the real intimate relationships of Muslims and Christians under a microscope.
The real similarity is that both religions dissect, and shred human relationships until it fissiles and dies, especially when it is put in an eastern, collective context.
In a collective society, both groom and bride also marry the families to be soon to be their relative families, and this is a harbinger of soon to be diluted personalities of both groom and bride.
With Muslim/Christian love stories, if one party (family) does not accept the other, heartbreak is inevitable, and these are the cases of many.
I have witnessed many accounts of such inevitable breakup of religious differences, my Chaldean Iraq friend and his ex Iranian Muslim girlfriend, my Iraqi Muslim friend with her Lebanese Christian boyfriend, there was a lot of love involved, they were ready for marriage, but all belonged to on common dominator that they had to sacrifice o the well being of their families --- it does not matter if one’s family is accepting, it only works if both parties (families) are accepting. What is even funny, when I type Muslim, Christian, I do not type their real faith, I type what they have to be, my Chaldean friend and his ex, both belonged to non of the Abrahimic religions, they were free in the brain, the Lebanese guy was a devout atheist.
This friend of mine, made me think, that there can only be superficial relationships between the followers of these two religions.

Yesterday, I had interesting chats with my friend, well in Iraqi I would call her khala/auntie, she is the Iraqi Chaldean lady that I was and still helping with her case to bring her handicap son over to Canada. A month a go, when she invited me to her home for some chayi/tea, she showed me pictures of her sons, daughters, their wedding pictures, I do not remember how the conversation well, but I remember she was telling me that she chose the wife for her elder son, and she did not want him to marry the girl that he was in love with,, and I was a bit surprised and shocked, since she came across to me as a open minded Iraqi lady, and liberal, “I never thought you were like that” I asked her , she answered “I did not like the girl’s family, they came to threaten us”, but she said it in a weird tone, and she looked at me in the eye, I felt weird, I knew right away, or at least my instinct told me , that the girl that her son was in love with, was a Muslim girl, but I kept it as a doubt.
Strange as it is, the topic came up yesterday, as I told her about my friend, she sympathized and confessed to me the real story. The girl that her son was in love with, was a Muslim, even the girl’s mom came to her house to ask her permission for them to marry, I thought it was strange, as in Islam Muslim women are not allowed to marry non Christians, I do not know details, but it seemed that the girl’s mom wanted to protect her daughter’s reputation, since their clan or tribe was threatening. Khala’s reasoning, was also, in protection of her family, she told me that she did not want to be ostracized from her relatives, also, she will lose her clan/tribe and as her other sons and daughters were not married at that time; her daughters will lose suitors, and her sons won’t be accepted. She sacrificed one son’s freedom in the sake of others. She told me, in Iraq it does not work, and it is true, I remember one neighbor back in Iraq, the father was Muslim and the wife was Mandean, they never had relatives visiting, they were ostracized from both families.
But what is so weird, about khala N, is that she regrets it, and she said, it was a mistake, and she continued of how times have changed, and how she encouraged my friend to find love in whoever she feels comfortable being with, she added that is in Canada and not in Iraq. But also, in Canada families ostracize their kids, as in the case of the friends I mentioned, and most cases people choose family over the love of their lives, for that reason.

I chatted with mom about this case too, what is so interesting, the devout, head covered Muslim mother of mine, was the liberal hip chick of her time, mini skirts, and all the 1970s innuendo, what is so interesting, mom confessed to me that she was in love with a Christian Iraqi man, she even thought of going to the US with him, so she won’t have to face the consequences of such union from both sides, I wish if it happened, I would be from a liberal family right now, how cool, anyways, mom chose her family in the end, and chose my religious dad. (I am laughing now).
Mom also, told me so many other stories, she told me the story of my auntie’s best friend, she was too in love with a Christian man, and he was ready to leave his family for her, her mom also, accepted it, as she thought that they will gain thawab/virtue if he converts, but his family did not accept it. Auntie’s best friend, flew to Baghdad just to hear my mom’s advice, my mom told her you can not do this to the guy, and to leave him. According to mom, in less than one year, she found another man and married him.
Mom’s most”virtuous” story, is that hearts can change, and she kept preaching the difference between dreams and boundaries, and how even when one married, he/she can be in love with other guy/gal if they felt emotionally empty.
I asked mom, “If I was in love with a guy who is a not Muslim, would [she] accept it, even when she was in the same situation?”, “No, you can’t lose your akhirtich/afterlife”, she answered.
And then we had a fight as usual.
We talked about ethics, and it is funny how she blurred and paralleled two complete thought processes with the same end conclusion, she thought just because I think it is ok for people to intermarry, and just because I do not agree with god’s rulings, then it is also, easy for me to accept theft for example. Mom asked “what would rebuke you from doing so, if you think that way?”
Masters in electrical engineering my mom is, and this is her thought process, how pathetic, well, I do love mom, and I do think she is a very smart women, but that was distasteful. How can you correlated freedoms that are so ethical with freedoms that are not. But apparently, ethics come from god, and for me, ethics come from me. And it is so funny that mom proclaims that we all pray for the same god.

And I write this to god, if you are so merciful, if you are the most wise, why did you create so many religions, couldn’t you foresee the future, can you hear the suffering of the masses you created?

Coming to compare mom’s Islam and Khala N’s Christianity, I would prefer khala’s point of view, she confessed and learned from her mistake, as s he said “love is beautiful”, and as for mom she said to me “keep on learning piano, keep on writing, so you can put a good chunk of your feelings away, to think realistically, you have to see reality”. My mom disappointed me.

I careless now.

Oh, and Khala N’s uncalled efforts to find me a nice man, failed, as the man she sought to me, is not single apparently, is just his mom did not want him to marry his Christian girlfriend, after all, Muslim men can marry from the holy book believers legally.

Now, god, why are hell are you so sexist? Maybe you do not want Muslim women’s offspring to be non- Muslim, but why did you create this chaotic life anyway?

Oh, and mom advised, that I cannot express or show my so unreligious tendencies to the suitor who is proposing.

How can I have so much faith, if I can’t find god’s laws to be harmonious to the humanity I perceive and feel?

How am I supposed to defend Islam to the Taxi driver, if I can’t myself?

We don’t need religion. Enough division.

it is not in the empty face, interseting that is.....it is in the head !

Couple of days ago my friend K called, but this time I picked up the phone since I was away for the past three weeks in North Carolina. This girl loves me a lot, and I do not know how to explain her love, I ignored her for long time, probably two or three months until this current day of this very minute. While on the phone, she asked me whether I blocked her on msn or not, and me with my very outrageous honestly, said yes, but I also, mitigated my outrageous honesty, so I gave her a fun, user friendly, extremely accessible excuses of “post graduation depression” and me being an extreme “introvert , I can’t but just laugh at my crap, although I must admit that the later is somehow true, I do feel I am a bit of an introvert, and I would rather to hang out online or with some interesting books, other than real boring, fake human beings.

The way I met K was through some Iraqi guy (which we both despise due to his double standards, gender wise), he knew K and he knew me, and he knew that both of us shared some mutinous thoughts against religion, she is an atheist, whilst I am an agnostic, but we did not know each other, however, according to his description of her, I recognized this K chick while I was writing my essay downstairs at the Uni’s basement. I looked at her, I asked if she was Iraqi, and asked if she was k, and continued exclaiming of what our gender specific, biased and shared “friend” have told me about her that she is ‘from my kind of people’, apparently, she clicked completely, but I clicked because she was one of the few Iraqis and Arabs who were like that, and I thought that she might as well, hear me speak and understand me.

I don’t want to go into details of my friendship with her, but this girl also, shared some problems that I had too, but she also, has some tragic family illness which made sadness into more sadness, but she is the type of a girl that always tries to look forward with optimism, and tries her best to do what she can, although still, she did not graduate yet, as an English major, she needs to type a lot, and now her hands are not working either, with all these things happening to her, I wonder why I am not with her, I wonder why I did not stick with her, and why do I still judge her, as a naïve person.
However, last summer, through her and me, our sisters were united, we formed a group, she and her sister, me and my two sisters, we used sit at their patio, eating watermelons, drinking tea, and our sisters smoking Shisha. Through her I met her sister J, she is really cool, fun to be with, she is also my age, and she made me realize, why I am not into K that much, J is cool, spontaneous, she does not go into the sudden rushed silence that K usually goes into, J listens, she does not interrupt, K does that a lot and that is annoying, J also, by the virtue of her age has more maturity, of course I am not saying age is always an indicator of wisdom and maturity, but in this case it is the truth, and J understand what the hell I am talking about, K I find her a bit hhmm slow, even though J is a college graduate, but what I really really, do not like about K is the fact that she thinks she is sophisticated because she took some philosophy courses where she can blab some sentence she memorized, well, I am judging her in here, and I am belitting her in here, but at least she has to be accountable for what she is, an atheist, right? She blames – 7asad/envy for her low grades, her inability to be focused on her studies(that’s way before her hands are not working, poor thing), I let her vent about it twice or three times, but I remember while me, her and her sister were sitting in some café, and after me and her sister exchanged some laughter, and happiness, which she was absent from, the change of the topic, was something about her grades, and how she has to improve, and then with all her audacity, she blamed “7asad/envy” for her downfall, me feeling very agitated, I asked her “how can you be an atheist, a proud atheist, if you believe in 7asad?”, her reply was a nervous laugh. That was a turn off for me.
I feel that I had enough with this girl, I felt I needed a better sophisticated friend, well, I am not all that, and I do not even consider myself as an intellectual, but at least I demand someone who has some common sense, or someone that has some clarity and maturity of how they think.
From that day, I kept a low profile, although I miss hanging out with J.

What made me even keep a low profile, is my friendship with H, a Libyan Canadian girl, a Muslim, and she wears the scarf by her choice, although not so lately, but nevertheless she is a Muslim.
H is five years younger than me, while K is two years younger than me, yet I find H way more matured and smarter than K, in the matter of fact, I learn when I talk to H, and what I love about H she got objectives, someone older than her like me even don’t have, she went back to Libya especially to be a doctor.
H is enlightening, through her I get to be exposed of how the world is biased towards females that wear the scarf, she is judged as being closed-minded and ultra conservative. When she got accepted to a highly renounced high school, which had few non-Caucasian students, she was sentenced as the future housewife through the eyes of many, this girl also, had to endure like so many other Arabic girls, the limited freedoms forced down her throat by her parents, in a Canadian society where personal freedom and judgments are highly valuable, but she was strong, I am proud that I was her cry shoulder when she needed, unlike K, I did not feel the same way, but coming to think of it, I feel weird, did I judge K, was I inhumane , or did I just find her plainly uninteresting?
With H I can hold a conversation and about any topic, she is not conservative, she believes in homosexual rights for example, I mean people wearing bikinis might not necessarily believe that, its funny how people judge others by their attire, honestly, going to bars, and wearing mini skirts does not mean enlightment of the masses, but H sophistication is, and I am not saying believing in homosexual rights means that a person is sophisticated…..

H is away in Libya now, and K is in here, I feel friendless locally speaking, and I feel i7sasless.
My sister thinks that I should explain myself to K of how I feel about certain things, I mean she loves me and cares about me a lot, she is probably the only f friend after H, that feels strongly about my existence, but hhhmm I do not care for some intellectual superficiality, if good heart and will are both there and for me!
I mean why do I have to find people interesting, should I call back after months of not seeing her?
Should I reply back the phone call, when I do not feel like it….i dunno…..

God blast history

- More venting about the program -



I have more to say about the program, I did not watch the whole replay, only the last half quarter, they used names that make me itch, not necessarily for who they are, but the connotations behind them, words and names like “3alawi”, “9afawi”, “Hussien”, “Mu3awiya”. These names are just pure history for me, and they should not have implications on how I and other Iraqis should live, what matters in life is the human dignity, rights, freedoms, necessities like food, clothing, and the ultimate necessity, of course is safety.
But honestly, why can’t Iraqis liberate themselves from history, and historical propaganda that is so used and abused, how long should we dig in the same hole and get stuck in it.
It is time for rationality, and logical thinking, we should think about our economy, our dignity as people.
I love reading history so I can learn more, but we should also read history in order to change and make things up for the better, I always thought philosophically speaking, that history is a line in progress, maybe I am putting the west in mind, the kind of people that put archaic concepts behind and fought for their economic, civil and political rights, there is such thing as a minimum wage job in the west and that’s for a reason, women earned their rights because they fought for it, people separated religion from state and that was earned and was done for a reason, of course everything is relative, we do not have any modern leader that has announced publicly that he is an atheist, and nothing is perfect anyways. But the western liberal history is a progression and history is moving forward and the world can not bare its shortage at all, especially that the evangelical, extreme right is there, even its existence as a faint is dangerous, again the world can not bare its shortage, but in the Middle East, the soaring height of ignorance is disgusting, history does not move forward, history just moves into loops, it does not breath and be exposed to sunshine to kill these germs, it is the Mahdi that we are waiting for and the victimized notion of the self and its reflection upon a creation of a repeated history, unlearned, it is the definite fight with the Zionists, therefore no solution is to be found, it is the Middle eastern history, especially Iraqi history that is going into loops, into circles, not willing to be enlightened, forgive and to be forgotten. It is a rare incidence, if not it does not exist, that we have a new government in office, it has always been a huge mess, what does that tell us about us Iraqis?

Mosawi and Jubouri on the Aljazeera


Itijah il mu3akis is showing right now, I watched it just for few minutes, I can not stand watching the whole program, it is despicable, disgusting, one sided, and predictable.
Couldn’t Faysal il 8asim choose better people to represent, but represent what? I think his choice of people is correct, he chose people rightly from the two mainstreams, from the two one-sidedness, two directions that can not meet, the ultimate Iraqi reality, and that is just fabulous for his program, since these two clashed from the first starting two seconds of the program.
Faysal opening’s claimed that thousands and thousands of emails he received, people sending their condolences for the death of the “martyr” Saddam Hussien, adding that one viewer from Tunis, paralleled Saddam’s “martyrdom” to that of Hussien, and Jesus, also he showed the initial static’s of the program’s poll –whether they are pro or against Saddam’s sentencing, four thousand people participated, a huge, crazy number, it seemed many viewers were waiting impatiently to release their excess anger and frustration , anyways, 88 point something percent were against.

After Faysal’s over cooked, sensationally hot, demographically viable introduction, he directed his first question to Mosawi, obviously a prominent Shi’a name, “what can you say to the Arabic street’s prominent opinion and beliefs” Faysal asked. Without letting him to continue, Jubouri jumped in like a parasite, interrupting the man, saying that he wants to start the program by reciting the fat7a – a verse in the Quran used for recitation over dead people’s bodies, yeah religious stuff. Him reciting the fat 7a, whilst Mosawi, continuing answering the question, was hilarious moment, but it ached me, so I just turned off the t.v. as everything deemed inevitable and predictable.
Totally sensational, yet great in depicting the mainstream mentality of both worlds, which is greatly reactionary, emotionally driven, I mean what is the use if both can’t be honest, and logical, can’t they just outline things they firstly agree on, to start a civilized dialogue, but then again, I can be biased on my own, but since I feel the need to be Iraqi first, I feel with infinite arrogance my discourse should be first and foremost. Now you wonder, what is this discourse, I will save it for later.