Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The last in my tribe

I want an academic, analytical mode to ensconce my remaining brain neurons other than the mind's ardent desire to envisage wild rolling in the hay and gravy. Oh the pleasures of the world you are such a trick! Oh lonely spinsters how can you do it, oh erudite of knowledge how can you preoccupy yourself with the sole of human's curiosity ever so independently. Is it the scarce of passion or the abundance of passion that leads human procession, never is it the median of all things middle, ever?
I ponder my remaining brain neurons on a corpse of a red rose that of lost love, I cry over my growth ever so stunt in imagination, I can not write,in worlds I can never enter, in knowledge I can never decipher, only the touch, the smudge of killer red lipstick on his neck and lips. I wallow in the den of my ancient tribe seeking the heart's knowledge and feeds to my inner soul...I am the last lost shrew of my tribe, let my dither of where I belong die, Die, so I can ponder Plato and Pythagoras.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

On a pillow,

lived a tear,

on a pillow,

the asserted fear,

On a pillow,

A secret scribble....

of words utter....

incomprehensible tatters,

like a torn fluff of pillow's feathers,

scattered in space,

like wishful dreams,

attached in voidness,

and just belong high up,

on ink clouds,

pouring red scribble,

of heartaches.

on a pillow,

warmth of mother's womb,

is gone,

on a pillow,

a lover's kiss,

is lost,

in wishful dreams....

on a pillow....

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Just not so pleasurable

When comparing past and present, nothing that boggles my mind more than the anthropological , sexual and cultural behavior of the people of the Middle East.
Not only did ancient Arabs before Islam circled around Mecca bare and naked, but red flags on tents were the symbol and the emblem of women desire and request for sexual intercourse. I pity all the spinsters who hit thirty nowadays and never had any sexual encounter of any sort. I have no idea of how some one do it, I mean not do it, thirty something and never been kissed, maybe the promise of heaven, maybe its part of the package coming from a seclude, innocence-glamorized type of culture!
But more than ancient Arabians, there were the Sumerians, Assyrians, and even Phoenicians women whom due to religious and customary habits, made-available that of their bodies and vaginas to temple gods, to have sex prior marriage!
Compared to nowadays, the first encounter must be with the husband, and those blood splotches are not only important but the evidence of honour! It is crazy that some women not so long time ago, would not even know what exactly sex is, or would not even recognize the physical appearance of a male phallus. A lot will suffer thinking of how they can take such foreign body in their first wedding night, after years of indoctrinated, excessive sexual estrangement!
Did those ancient Middle Easterners thought it was important for women to have training and qualifications before dispatching them as loyal wives? Did quality sex really mattered? What happened!
I have no idea, did men taste change, before maybe they wanted a somewhat experienced women, later virgin and holy was their requirements? Do we only evolve under the male-dominance reign of power which heralds sexual fulfillment to men more than women, hence, four wives. Though I must admit Arabia's red flags did win the title of freedom, liberty in pursuit of sexual pleasures, though some baby girls were all gone under the crime of infanticide.
Now fragments of male-power is still a reality to dissect, Iraq now wants to mimic Kurdistan's move of prohibiting the four wives issue, even though the husband by law has to get the consent of his first wife, but it seems equal rights are somewhat wanted in that country. What is even funny Kurdistan still has problem with honour killing crimes. I guess nothing is perfect for us women! To be political correct Honour Crime is still not only a cultural problem but also a judicial, constitutional problem; maximum sentence is only six months for the murderer father/husband/brother, almost ALL over the Islamic Uma. It must be noted you can not do that in Islam, it is more of a backward cultural disaster that is not constitutionally challenged until now.
Now, here are some goodies I found while browsing
why is it men are mostly the choosers and not women?
“I.196: Of their customs, whereof I shall now proceed to give an account, the following (which I understand belongs to them in common with the Illyrian tribe of the Eneti) is the wisest in my judgment. Once a year in each village the maidens of age to marry were collected all together into one place; while the men stood round them in a circle. Then a herald called up the damsels one by one, and offered them for sale. He began with the most beautiful. When she was sold for no small sum of money, he offered for sale the one who came next to her in beauty. All of them were sold to be wives. The richest of the Babylonians who wished to wed bid against each other for the loveliest maidens, while the humbler wife-seekers, who were indifferent about beauty, took the more homely damsels with marriage-portions.”
And I really pity “ugly women” , and Silver coins can never be rejected, huh, what if she did not want him, oh how holly Ishtar said so!
“I.199: The Babylonians have one most shameful custom. Every woman born in the country must once in her life go and sit down in the precinct of Venus [Ishtar], and there consort with a stranger. Many of the wealthier sort, who are too proud to mix with the others, drive in covered carriages to the precinct, followed by a goodly train of attendants, and there take their station. But the larger number seat themselves within the holy enclosure with wreaths of string about their heads---and here there is always a great crowd, some coming and others going; lines of cord mark out paths in all directions the women, and the strangers pass along them to make their choice. A woman who has once taken her seat is not allowed to return home till one of the strangers throws a silver coin into her lap, and takes her with him beyond the holy ground. When he throws the coin he says these words: "The goddess Mylitta prosper you" (Venus is called Mylitta by the Assyrians.) The silver coin may be of any size; it cannot be refused, for that is forbidden by the law, since once thrown it is sacred. The woman goes with the first man who throws her money, and rejects no one. When she has gone with him, and so satisfied the goddess, she returns home, and from that time forth no gift however great will prevail with her. Such of the women as are tall and beautiful are soon released, but others who are ugly have to stay a long time before they can fulfil the law. Some have waited three or four years in the precinct. A custom very much like this is found also in certain parts of the island of Cyprus."

Oh apparently, ahal Cyprus have tishreeb bagila too in their diet :D

From here

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Making wrong decisions all the time.

So it has been six months or better HALF a year since I came back from the UAE. I can not believe how fast time goes by.
I spent it by applying for jobs, relaxing, and later studying for the GMAT. I was at first quite excited that I returned back, no more traffic jam, ridiculous heat, the conservative Sharjah and their lurking men, bad odors, classicism, and of course to recharge some energy.
I thought my experience I gained in Dubai, will land me a lucrative job in no time, I thought my relationship with everyone will reach to a higher sincere, understanding level.
But here I am, with the prospect of having a promising offer , career wise! But why is it when real things happen I start getting cold feet and not commit to it. I am so immature, now I am thinking of more than ever to return back to Dubai -UAE.
Reasons being are all emotional, and not concrete rationality, I really can not stand my father, again. I am not talking to my elder sister. And I can not stand my youngest sister's immature and childish stupidity. I feel way too old to live with them again, I hate asking for permission to go out, even though my curfew time has expanded with promising liberty.
Though last month was the hardest, I could not stand this town, the people, the redundant everything. The lack of ambition, the unsophisticated people I met, the PHDs immigrants with no jobs, and not much of decent Iraqis either.
I want to flee back, as if I am a refugee, back to the thriving social life, meeting far more successful entrepreneurs and creatives, the lounges, the more Arab guys, Budha Bar, the quality of Iraqis I meet there...I can volunteer while working, the UN has a headquarter there, and there is always something happening.
But why did I leave? I thought I really wanted Canada back. But my apathetic feelings towards Canada submerged and floated like some oblivious trash on the sea shore, such climax happened during my one week stay in Toronto. I felt the lifelessness of my own , maybe I did not meet the right people, but it did not get me or I go it, but again I am measuring things according to feelings, or fake feelings, since the real bonding with places happen through people and real career!
So I started lamenting my utterly stupid decision of coming back, I felt so stupid , after all the hard work, I left my established contacts, and people that have became close to me!
It seems I am just looking for that sense of belonging, I do not want to be negative, but the ground I walk on ever since I left Iraq, has sprouted into my sprigs there and there, and my mind is nothing but a fuzzy, confused, bogged-down, futile instrument of mixed feelings.
Though talked with my mother, it is better to earn what I have just earned and finally get my Canadian job, and then go back with an added Canadian experience to work in the UAE , again!
But I will be 26 something, close to 27, and still with no stability, and jeopardizing the higher probability of meeting the right guy there in the UAE.
In the same time, it is time to settle in and shut the hell up! Though I miss greatly, the social life there, and prospects of me finding a decent Iraqi guy in here is much less compared to Dubai, but again most of my female friends are still single all over the globe.
Maybe, my pillar of conduct should be mere rationality and nothing else, and I really want to marry my career, I have this great thirst to gain career success more than anything else, and sense to toss my prisoner the biological clock out of the window and be free, rational and creative!
The I should circumvent my feelings and fears, and do what I need to do. Maybe that is just maturity.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Harbingers to Middle East/Arab democracy:

Oct 16
  • Sectarianism or the natural sectarianism from Islam's two main branches Sunni and Shi'a Islam. The reason is not only political but also ideological/theological. If reconciliation keeps on being missing, there won't never be any stability, only turbulences.
  • The Palestinian problem/Zionism.
  • Oil in the Middle East. Why Iraq? It might sound like conspiracy theory, but it was an invasion, why not ousting Zimbabwe's dictator?
  • Is Islam compatible with democracy? Can Islam allow separation of religion and state ?
  • Instability halts research and technological advancements, therefore less jobs and more brain drainage, and far more dependency on foreign imported technology.

  • Disintegration, separatism, vengeance, hatred, unemployment makes a weaker region, therefore alliances with the devil at times is a must.
  • Right wing conservative American policies, and of course fundamental Christians.
  • Stupid people/voters on both the regional and the international realms.

I think the main two is Islam's polemics on its two theological differences of Sunnism and Shi'asm, and the Palestinian problem.
With the former, we definitely need far more historical review to reach reconciliation, however the later is rather more powerful than our meager, degenerating weakness.
So what can we do ?
The Gulf is concentrating more than ever on investment, and money making, with UAE in the lead, it is now the glamourous trade hub in the region.
Iran with all the restriction has a potential of being a producer of technology, with its resilient nuclear enrichment, however its values not only undemocratic but holds a great threat to other M.E. countries, infamously over Iraq.
Egypt the exporter of culture, movies, and music, sits on a heated belt of social problems and is only a minute away ,ready to vote for the Brotherhood!
It seems our only chance in democracy is money and investments, we are allowed of free entrepreneurship as the big powers are capitalist, however our civic and political rights won't be earned with money, but with our brains, history review and reconciliation, and mitigating or even deleting fundamental Islam.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Miscellaneous impressions - Canada - UAE

After two weeks of getting back to my hometown, surprise surprise, one of my old uni mates is still in town, we decided to go to some west-side pub for a laid-back, relaxing chill . God one of those things I truly missed when I was in the UAE. The area me and K went to was in the ghetto, the awesome west-side; it was the place I used to live during my university days.

I had a strange feeling, first I missed the place, and it made me proud that one of Canada's small cities' ghetto is actually a thriving, culturally- rich , nicely designed area compared to many many highly perceived places of this poor world. I felt as if I just started to know the place again, even when comparing this place to other Canadian spots, it actually stands out.

This area has a huge number of infested pubs all around, and it felt almost surrealism, that I am going to an affordable, close to home pub, what's more, it does not have to be in a hotel, and one can sit on the outside.

In Dubai, one can only get drinks in hotel joints, this has its disadvantages, but I can never forget Khaleej Palace's hotel lounge, the epitome of ethereal class and coziness, a place where you can have your wine , pistachios and have a nice chat with friends over low, soft music and gentle, dim- lights flickering. And it is something I won't get to experience in my blue-collar, small city. Though after many encounters with old uni friends, the curve for wanting my Heineken decreased quite aggressively , especially and quite particularly after I met my beloved friend M, a heavy drinker, and who also pitied my downfall as an unemployed person, so she kept buying me shots. So now, I reached my saturation point, and I am done with the booze, I decided to quit three weeks ago, though I did not crack the news to M, poor her, I am her third friend who stopped drinking. But the decision might not be so incessantly binding, though I feel I am done with alcohol.

But after many encounters with old friends, I can not but notice the sparkles, in their eyes, “you went to Dubai!”

Dubai became almost synonymous with big cities' names such as Tokyo, New York, and London.

And I remember when I was with my friend K in the west-side,the busy bustling bartender, who had the aura of wanting to ignore the customers' re-iterated chatter, changed features when K was talking about Dubai with him, it is like an open window to leave re-iterated localism, and more breath of fresh internationalism. The bartender looked relieved for having such particular and perpendicular talk on Dubai.... yet another person moving to Dubai, leaving the dwindling riches.

I must admit, with all the economical slow-down in Canada, Canadian's are still the nicest, friendliest, most behaved people on planet earth, sorry if that comes off as exaggeration, but at many stops in UAE, UK, France , I would have fired many of their sales representatives on the spot, not for their lack of facial expression such as a smile, but for the very fact for being shity at what they do supposedly -best-

I remember my first eating out experience in a pizza place in Canada, the waitress was this cute, pregnant Canadian whose smile I would not substitute for any waitress somewhere else, I was bewildered, and exactly I knew that I am back home. I will never forget those two stiff-faced, cold-blooded British ladies, though I must admit, those are the oddballs, but the chances are far less slim in Canada, so imagine.

I am glad that I am back to Canada, services are easy to get, everything is organized and well planned, there is no stark manifestation of class division, and everyone gets paid according to their qualifications and not place of origin. There is no constellation of a monotonous group clustered in a failed public transportation system, there is no stomach cramps occurring from excessive passings from extremely cold air-conditioned places to extreme hotness and humidity, there is no shortage of taxis, and it is not an privilege to get a taxi in a split second, and there is not silly federal UAE, given the shortage of taxis, a Dubain taxi can't pick a Sharjian who is going to Dubai, leaving a trail of wasted fuel, and more empty taxis adding to the already congested crazy traffic jam.

And in Canada, there is no pernicious, filthy smelly body odors.....and muffins are local commodities and are quite cheap, nothing beats Tim Horton's French Vanila or hot chocolate, sales are really sales, cotton quality are far superior, it is really sad that with all the high name Dubai is getting, the UAE still gets a cheap cotton quality form Turkey, yet another class division but on an international basis.

And.....Even though both in Canada and UAE girls can get their share of guys eyeballing their physique, in Canada I would not never and ever be mistaken for a prostitute, given the fact I was wearing a big huge coat that covered me really well. It was during that heavy, crazy rainy day, when it took me FIVE hours to return home, yes no sewage system in Sharjah, it was flood everywhere. I remember when I return home, it was late, a shady car, passed by, and open its door slightly, I hurried quickly, thank god nothing happened.

What's more, planning in Canada is not about resurrecting tall buildings, you do not dump and place, and buildings actually have lined-parking lots of each apartment!

And most importantly, I do not miss the traffic jam, four hours everyday wasted to commute forth and back from home to work. I took my ride at 7:15 am and came back home at 8 and sometimes 8:30 pm.

Last but not least, I miss UAE's thriving social life, the quality of Iraqis I met, and most importantly, the economic BOOM, I had a call for a job interview after four hours from sending my resume. Things are quick and dream jobs can happen on a much faster paste in the UAE, and I know for sure If I don't find any dime for me in here, I am going back straight and will bear all the odors and the hectic traffic. It is no surprise that many Westerners and naturalized citizens of western countries of Arabic origin are all there, so many Iraqi Canadians-Kiwis-British-Austrialians....I even met our Iraqi neighbors in Amman, now I am Canadian and they are now Kiwis.

And I met neighbors from Baghdad. UAE is truly the transit point of people I knew from the past or even online buddies I chatted with for a long time who by the way knew people I knew either way, real life or online, a crazy, social-interlacing chain.

After three months in Canada, I miss the exposure and the new learned experiences found in that Gulf country, I miss meeting top notch people, I miss feeling that I am part of a bigger goal, and I am way too ambitious for the slow-motion Canadian economy, Three Months of sending my resume and no ONE single interview, I truly hate how this country makes me feel, I hate doubting myself, as if I have nothing to offer. But no worries, MBA/UAE is my next target, and self-employment is my long-term business target, I will never want to be susceptible to economic down-turns, whether it is the national or the global economy, yeah I am talking big , so what!

Monday, August 04, 2008

My new nickname is Shams :)

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Some really Awesome Job posting!

But 10 to 15 years of experience is required ! I would like to have such interesting career, careless of my outlook on globalization, but for kicks, that one interesting, boredom-routine-killer job!

Job Description


Provide analyses of critical political and economic ssues in the Middle East for stakeholders and clients who are doing work in Turkey, UAE and surrounding area.

Provide analyses of critical policy, political risk and crisis issues for private industry, commercial interests, government and non-government agencies, foundations and individuals with interests in the Middle East and in regional crisis mitigation.

Analyze macro or micro political and economic situations, warning of developing crises or providing information on a specific individual or company.

Provide written assessments of specific topics, such as the political or security situation in a country or region, regional economic trends or cultural and social issues.

Provide cost quotations based on the issue's complexity and the desired time frame for product delivery.

Provide custom-tailored presentations and lectures for decision-makers, business organizations, and community groups.

Offer multimedia presentations as well as standard transparency briefings to groups of interest.

Assists business’ in providing cross-cultural training for staff, including information on social customs and traditions and where needed, a contextual understanding of the political and religious environment of the region.


Extensive knowledge of region and culture, firsthand experience a must

Ability to effectively provide information, finding and recommendations through both written and verbal methods

Analytical thinker who can respond quickly to changing landscape, while continuing to provide information to clients in a strategic manner

Able to create strong social networks

Sunday, June 22, 2008

To The End

Our last words...our last words are not salient, nor vivid to remember, for it did not encrypt its lost meaning on my pained heart, for meaninglessness would not add nor subtract from my torment...our last words did not end, but left its lonely trail infinite, keeping wonder not so sad, but dark, for no path I can find to explain how your soul has turned so black...... how can the first kind words I hear turn so selfishly brutal, how can love and friendship turn to be void space of nothingness.......our last words were a lost one, unfounded, unwritten, unspoken..our last words were a lonely trail, empty sand, hollow words, diluted illusions....

Our lost and last words did not belong anywhere, nor did we belong anywhere, right to hollowness, voidness, a bleak moment of history ...not existing..... a deja vu , a short dream, we lived under the summer and yellow rays of warmth, and amid a quiet winter surrealism, held each other, loved each other watching the snow melt on our skin....

our lost words was our end, for we do not know what to say to each other, any longer. Farewell my love, farewell , now in my written message I documented my lost love...and .......friendship...

The withered rose you sent,

Our End.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Radicalism is a Must.

I have learned that extremism might not necessarily be extremism per se, and that is referring to whole attached negative euphemism of -extremism; only what I understand now, is that extremism is simply, whatever that is contrary to the status quo, conventionalism or changing such conventionalism.
Change is inevitable however stagnant, and it will be as such at many historical intervals, and such inertia of no change can take a while, if not years and centuries.
Maybe it does not sound correct, maybe I am trying to coin the word radical.
However, one needs to be radical to reach a certain extreme point whom the society can not accept nor fathom.
Extremism is a composite of radicalism and radicalism is the process of inventing a new thought, though not technological to facilitate laziness/costs of production into material production but it is the soul and the spirit of human freedom and discovery amid its unknown unconscious and complex changing realities than can put forth different realms of values simultaneously.

The reason that radicalism is the unacceptable breakthrough, lies behind many many reasons. It can be new, untried, scary.

For them not accepting it, it might change power structures and positions for some key people whom would not subdue to such change.
Or not being able to fathom such radical concepts, because their level of “understanding” is still stagnant at one level and they can not imagine otherwise, and also, perceptions Change Reality and ingrained values can not be seen otherwise due to fear, anxiety, life complications and not being able to freely contemplate Life and its existence therefore -curiosity is somehow ceased into the oblivion.
As crazy it is, native Americans could not visually see the European ships reaching their Shore, because they have never seen a SHIP before. Reality is not 100 percent perceived, we change reality, we change our variables yet there is something out there, but who can cope to see it...

Also, and most importantly extremism or the incipient thoughts of radicalism occur because humanity did not reach a certain interval which is the complete manifestation of itself and that understanding itself and the “truthful” values of its existence.
Knowing is always different than realizing and realizing always different than manifestation, not everyone can manifest what he/she realizes, it takes you to the next level of being AWARE.

We all have different levels of staying in touch with “reality” or what makes “reality” to us.
Even at such level of rational-industrial stage of humanity, I still think we lack behind and very very quite backward.

but how do I measure us? Not really just TV or our lack of sustainable development, I think it is the sense of my soul that feels like crying....

p.s. though Standard is a Must ....

Thursday, April 03, 2008

احضان الاصدقاء

ارتباك يشق طريقه في كل انحاء قلبي المرتجف, فهل من غطاء يلف لحمتي من حنية.

يا لها من مصخرة, الحنية موجودة, و العطاء الانساني المنهمر موجود و سليقتهه كلمات اصدقائي الحزينة, الفرحه , الفكاهية و المبعثرة بهجا و نيرانا في هذا الكون....... لكنها...لا ادري... لا تأتي الى القلب لتسكن ارتجافاته, و لا تسد تشققاته التي باتت تمدد الى شتى الاتجهات, ليبقى قلبي اشلاء لحمة اصدقاثي المتبعثرة ما بعد التذكرة........ كلماتهم و جملهم و حكاياتهم التي اعشقها ...لكنها....هذي الكلمات لا تروي تشققاتي لتجعل مني ارض خصبا, سوي ارض ناشفة و غير قادرة للبكاء لتروي بدموعها ارض قلبي.

ن. يا صديقتي, يا لك من روح عبرة, يا للك من شعلة ذكاء كبرة, و يا لروحك الحالمة الواقعية.... قلبك في المثل والاحلام و راسك بكتب تقارير هموم الايتام.
و يا ع., من صمم قلبك هو الرحمان و من قاس صبرك لاستوقفت امواج البحر انكساراتها الغابرة لشحة المحيطات, يا ع., روحك الخيرة النظيفة تبقي شمعة الامل, الالهام لتنير دربي في كل الايام, في العتمة و الضياء.

ي., يا جندي العراق المجهول, يا فتى لم تكشف الايام نخوتهة و يا ايها الصبي الناضج و سبقت ايامك بالتفكير.

و يا ر., يا بهجة النكات و الكلام , و تدفقات حركات عفوية...يا حركة الصبا و نبض الاحساس المفعم بالحيوية.

. ما تبقى سوى, هي لحظات وداع و سوف ارتوي حب الاصدقاء عندما احضنهم و ارتشف من دفئهم لاتذكر ذكرياتنا و ابتسم نحو دربي الى الامام.

اصدقاء العمر

اعرف سوف لم احضن اخواني ....لا ابالي فهم بالقلب.

الى الامام.........ابتسم !

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Dating and facebook.

Never add or tell a guy you dating that you have a facebook account or that he should acquire one. A guy with no facebook account is a blessing!

Now..Beware! Girls' double standards are on the way, but let me be, god bless feminism :D

Facebookers and them being males is one combination that does not pass the attractiveness test for me, something I have discovered lately but it is such a turn-off! And no matter what their age, status or "maturity" level, they will still be questionable no matter what, especially if they are married, oh how I despise the info filling "married" but interested in "women", despicable!
Adding fuel to fire, Facebook also and somehow takes from the manliness factor and I would rather have him rugged, with automobile oils all over his torn, messy hair, half naked, washed out jeans fixing, some car! Ok I am fantasizing in here, ignore :D

One guy who seem to top the scale of all the guys I have met in the UAE – marriage wise- have joined facebook under the auspices and encouragement of ehem, me…(what was I thinking! ) And it created blackout and a communication gap between us, and only now we are catching up, when it is time for me to go.

Not only he viewed some flirtatious and damn cute remark of a guy I knew from university whom I have long lost in touch with, or a guy I have met randomly in my –real- life and somehow decided out of the blue and at some point to send me a cat icon gift but never bothered to be interested when we met in "real life" but also, guys who think they are my real friends or I am their real friend, and give me a shout of "how am I doing and how are my parents doing?", even if they have never met my parents and do not even know that I have relocated to the UAE a year ago!

Facebook and the internet gives guys the courage to speak out more and communicate with females on a higher level more so than real life, I have two guys (my two main crushes in my life so far) who have admitted likeness to me on the net but they could not have done it real life and these guys are considered personable and strong. But this lack of courage and spontaneous behaviour really makes female lives rather dull and boring.

But really, due to this abrupt, out of no where remarks from obscure guys I have met back in the Richard the Lion times, can deter serious relationships from budding and blossoming.
Facebook really gives my social life a fake "facelift" that I am all about and all going, but it is really fake remarks and comments from people who I did not seen ever since the ice age, that can screw dating potentials by creating mistrust and suspicion.

Nevertheless, it can be a real challenge for the two warring genders, to weave trust from all the fakeness, and even though it created discrepancies with this "potential", it also somehow taught him to trust me.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Double standards

Double standards are everywhere, but I find it most prominent in the Islamic/Arab region.
And it is worst, when people whose most valuable efforts are to give "religious wisdom". Those religious men and women, I find their double standards to be the most irking and frustrating ones, maybe because it appears to be more than hypocrisy!!!

A relative of mine is so religious, he forbids his kids to listen to music, for him it is a big haram, he scrutinizes what his daughters wear before they leave the house just in case something was tight, he switches t.v. whenever there is a song playing, or too much female skin is showing.
He did not buy his daughter the mp3 only when she promised that she will only listen to Quran and anasheed.
One of his sons, a Metallica loving person, and on top of that, he listens to radio music, he as well forbids his sister to listen to music. It feels that such double standard is creating some new found rights under the absentee of the father's knowledge for the son, as well creating further gender biased double standards, though in a very twisted, retarted way.
The son smokes, and his haram doing, is not allowed to be done by his sister, of course she is not interested in that, but they had an argument once, she told him "you do not let me to listen to music but you smoke and listen to music". Of course for him, he is protecting his younger sister and he is being wise, and yeah he smokes about everywhere in their place, how not-selfish!

So back to this relative of mine, he is so strictly religious.

One time he was telling others quite publicly in a family gathering, how his Metallica loving son (of course the dad does not know) had his marks boosted from failure to passing grades.
The relative is a college instructer and his son went to the same school. His son, despite his dad's efforts did not like studying, and he was not keen on even caring to actually pass, though he had the brains but too stupid to use it.

What is so interesting, such "illegal" mark camouflage, appeared as a good will gesture by his other colleague whom he taught his son, my relative Emphasized.

One of the woman sitting, his sister, the auntie of the Metalica loving person, objected for such illegality. Though, her brother, replied rather jockingly "Shasaweela, mawatni, ma yidrus".

Today, the same relative of mine, pokes fun, and it is rather legal mockery type of a joke, of how his wife, now in Canada, buys clothes and return them after a month. Translation, she is using and abusing the system mithil il ma shayifa.
Another distant relative replied "that is not Islamic, she can't do that", the relative is still in mode joke, I did not hear his reply, but the distant relative asked "do they do that often in Canada", the relative of mine, as if he did not believe such quick fix replied: "yes they all do that".
No They do Not, they do not buy a bag full of clothes and return it after one month, hell, the whole shops in Canada would have changed their return policy, maybe the will when there will be more influx of that type of people. So apparently, if the majority does that, then it is fine, it is Culturally acceptable and lies within the "islamic" acceptance of no where it is Haram!!!

Oh, I had a very religious co-worker of mine, I told her the story of the mark-comflage, she also agreed that it is ok!

I guess that’s why the standards in the Islamic Umah is below Zero, or double zero!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

The oil money please, my panka is not working!!

Iraq is a hard place to understand, not because chess is a game I do not play, but finding information is not clear and always distilled to tidbits that do not match, well of course, one can easily guess – corruption, but how and why , the ratiocinative to link events are rather missing.

With controversy plaguing the screens, though only within the Iraqi media, I have heard that the Iranians are stealing from Majnoon oil field. The next day, a special reportage appears, flashing my screen, Shahrastany is reassuring.
The reportage heeded by some ministry showing Shahrastany on ground at the Majnoon oil fields, reassuring that everyone is Iraqi and of course oil is Iraqi as well.

Though, how did such allegations happen, why and by whom? Why is their growing mistrust?

Iraq's main income is oil export, yet Iraqis' essential needs are not met, green water or little drops of it, decamp Iraqis' household taps, and electricity shortage is leaving many Iraqis in the dark.
Why is it that our oil revenues are not there to remedy simple needs? Why there have not been real construction efforts despite the government's ardent entrepreneurial invitations of other nations to have business, investments and embassies in Iraq. Why the contradictions?
Why is it that the U.S. taxpayer money has been running the show for reconstruction in Iraq for the past five years.
Why is it that our oil revenues are there in foreign banks. How about priorities Mr. Shahrastani!
Squabbles are there with the ministry of electricity, but why are there excuses for public service men/women not to serve their people at least with minimum essentials.
At least make use of the gas that goes off along with oil when gushed from the ground, why can't they build some gas facilities to cultivate this gas to remedy such needs and Leave alone oil for export purposes as Shahrastani wishes.

Now, there is the senate committee requesting a full accounting of how Iraq is spending its soaring oil revenue.

Of course, Americans have the rights to protect their taxpayers money, which somehow, quite coincidently seeps into Iraq's interests to know why priorities have not been set in Iraq to serve the severely effected populace.
And Yes, of course it is the democrats who signed the committee letter request.
What is so funny, during Bremer's administrations, he hired a certified public accounting firm to ensure proper controls of Iraq's oil, but apparently the contract was not given to an accounting firm but to a – tiny - consulting company, Northstar , its headquarter somewhere in San Diego!

It is them at top when they wish, they can make it right.
I do not think that the Iraqi population is respected.

Friday, March 14, 2008

I am tired of talking about men and women and all tidbits involving them. But there is more. I feel I still have more spillover to vent about.

Inspired by parents, aunties, and all the “wise” elder people, I introduce philosophical and deeply thought - marriage advices, thoughts and reassurances - it competes actually with Jibran Khalil Jibran, Not! (Gilgamish giggles). Help yourself 3aini, they are quite handy ( Gilgamish giggles more).

# 1

تزوجين دكتور حتى لو جان شكلة مثل القرد, المهم دكتور يا بنتيييييييييييييي!

فيترجي, يشتغل ابمكدونالد, ميهم ,ماطول تحبي و مادام عندج شغلج, ابد لا تفرطين ابشغلج!


بتي لو ما جان اكو ظغط من الاهل ما جان اكو اي وحدة ازوجت!


انتي مو شايفة نفسج غير شي, كل البنات جانوا مترددات و خايفات من الزواج!


حلو اذا البنية تزوج عن انجذاب وحب, بس بتي تبقي تنتظرين, اريدج اتكونين سباقة للزمن!


اتزوجي بس ا لتحبي

شحني الرجال, شحني و اتزوجي و توكلي على الله!ماكو احد كامل, هاي الحب حجي افلام!

انتي تكدرين اتغيري, بس بذكاء النسوان همة بصنعون الرباجيل,

النسوان همة و ذكائهم!

الزواج قسمة و نصيب!

So in conclusion, whatever advice or thoughts people give me on relationships or marriages, they all in reflect who they are, what they are looking for and what they have actually carved so far in their own personal discovery or lack thereof.

And its amazing, how such advices can be so contradictory to each other. People's collective nature is not homogenous, viva freedom!

I don't believe in a marriage-formula, as I believe everyone is different, so my advice would be, choose what you think its right for you ;)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Social sciences are hot only in Phds...

Social sciences are hot only in PHDs

I do not know from where to start my complaints. I enjoyed my university classes studying international conflict and its resolutions, microeconomics, and leftist sociology materials that of Marx and why the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer.
I love theory period.

But today while going to my way to the living room, uncle was watching some movie about the American civil war, he asked "the southerners won right?" I mumbled , feeling zero prepared . I did not know the answer , "you have studied that in Uni right?"

I shifted the topic somehow on the American Revolution and how they ousted the Britons, the truth is, I know nothing about the American civil war, and maybe I can say something regarding the 1960s civil unrest, that era is damn interesting, you got the environmentalists, feminists, and the Blacks vying for their rights. And after the 1960s, I can say that the 1970s had one of the coolest fashion styles, alright! Well, the later represents my own latest trend, that I am growing to be more girlier than ever and the fact that I enjoy politics not as a career but to study it and maybe do charity/non-profit work on the side of some actual career of mine. I have shocked myself that I am no where as serious to be part of that. Yes, lets talk about Kant over wine, sure I take him!

And yes, I remember learning about American foreign policy, and now I remember Nothing! Maybe yeah concepts but details, names, strategies, heck I am forgetting it all! And it was an ex-Michigan mayor who taught this class and I scored an A+!!!

I feel my degree was not at all sufficient, or maybe I am suffering from dementia. Its either this or that.

Oooof, and I do remember my economic class, as it was mandatory to take six of em, I remember one of the economic Professors telling us, "this is not an English or a Political Science class, you can not leave one day not studying and catch up with the next class and understand".
He might not be so true, but he has a point, with sciency or solid science degrees, I believe that they are far harder and need far more dedication to get at least a B. And social sciences do not exactly attract the smartest of all students, the girl who won the governor general award during my graduation was an ex-biology major. I must be mean, but I remember one of my sociology professors telling us how to calculate our marks to get our percentages!!!! I felt I was so in the wrong place especially as an ex-computer science major! Damn, my classmates used to ask me about math questions! What a wasted talent there, I am even forgetting my multiplications, its either the degree or that I am getting stupid , really stupid!

No specialization, dementia, with high-heels and girly obsessions, I feel shocked at the state I have reached. And still no carved career and I still feel I have nothing that of expertise or any solid skills to offer.
Oh, and I miss my visual art class, we drew naked people! It was the first time when I saw the holy- it - the penis, I literally thought balls were balls. Good education there I must admit! ;)

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Guys and girls ideological schism

The love between men and women, other than the physical attraction, needs some shared mental consensus on many things to keep the ship sailing.

Apparently, girls' number one complain is that guys lack the yin yang balance, they either overly too zealous, religiously or hedonic liberal freaks.

Of course, I have thrown some sensationalism in there, but according to girls, guys are not aligned in the middle to be open, understanding yet having a religious backbone from not doing haram!

However, in my case, I love liberal guys, and I fall in the liberal spectrum, and I can be doing things that can be labeled as hedonic for some Arabs, my number one complain, is that liberal guys are no where to be marriage material.

I do not know if it is religion that makes people more commitment-correct, or that it is the type of personalities whom are attracted to religion are of that archetype.

I can not lie that some aspects of the religious-home-grown guys carry is attractive, such as being a family values type of guy, one can easily have a peaceful, warm, secure picturesque image of him being the father and the husband.

As for the very liberal guys even though that a lot of them can carry great believe in religion, they still have this immature, selfish thing about them, I do not know if it is their crazy love of life that makes them glide through life like playful children. Yes, I truly picture them as amused children, jumping and running freely in green fields and stroll down the mini hills with throbbing hearts.

Does it bottom down to sex? With religious guys' only option is marriage!
How much of sexual freedom does it effect one's commitment and love ability to others?

And another difference I have noticed, most of all the marriage material guys I have met, share one something in common that they are ---boring. Are liberal guys far more adventurous, risk takers in their emotional lives? Does that bring more sophistication, experience and fun to their character?
Though, one atheist dude flashes his existence in my mind, he is damn boring and damn shy!

Another thing I have noticed, liberal guys' expectations tend to be higher compared to the religious guys.
For liberal guys, they can not marry without having sex with that person. Also, religious guys have much lower possibility of cheating compared to the liberal

Saturday, March 01, 2008

هلاويس املية......تحية الى امل....

اني مو قشة امل, اني انسان

لا تشلبه بية و انت الغريق شايفني الجواب

بس ممكن اعطيك حب و قوة من تلامس مشاعرنا الانسانية

ممكن نتبادل تلاطف, تسامح, تفاهم انساني.

و لا انت الامل ابدا…. وحريتي ابد ماراح تروي عطشك, لك انت ما تفتهم بس ظيم السجون…
ظيم السجون في العقل,
ظيم السجون في الجسد,

لك لا تنتف ريشي, حتى حمامة سلام ما طرت…

انت ابد مو الامل…..

و لا اي شي الامل, لان اني اسعى و احاول اسوي,

و بقوتي الانسانية لازم همينة تفتهم مدى حريتي,

شايف عزيمتي,
عزيمتي مثل النهر اللي اريدها اتصب ابحرك

لك شلال حب احبك, بس من انت تكون انسان

تره اني حره

للك اني احبك

بس من اتحط السجون لان انت….

صديقي , صديقتي
زوجي, عشيقي

مهما انت… كنت

و مهما كل العلاقات, انت مو الامل

بس من مشاعرنا الانسانية

قبل المشاعر الصداقية
الجنسية….. القرابية


نبضي و نبضك اللي نحسة جوة , همة بس الامل

من اتشوفني انسان و اني اشوفك انسان.

ترة اني مو قشة امل و لا حلم بس بشر،

تعال باوع بعيوني,

من تشوفني

حرة و انسانة …يلة تعال تجي تكلي اني الامل!

لان الامل انسان,

الامل انسان,

لا مره متهسترة
و لا رجال مستهتر
و لا زعل من هل ولد العم

الامل انسان,
و شغل انسان حر….

كلبي اخ حس الامل..

يا نبض…

اني مو قشة امل, اني انسان.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

masters in political economy or economics?

the first, I enjoy the far most, and I feel I can excell far most as well , but with economics it yields far more salary gains generally speaking?!

though my economist friend just got laid-off.

God bless Canada.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Raghooda's tag :)

Thank you Raghooda for tagging me, its just made me realize so many things of my gender position, I think I am a very frustrated female. :D

Things that make me happy being a girl:

- I do not exactly have to have a car, I can always be chauffeured.
- If I ever say anything stupid, it will count as "cute".
- I do not have to financially be the sole provider, though I would love to be an empowered, financially able female, and thats my goal in life.
-If the girl has some looks, it can get her places, al hamudulilah :D

Things that make me unhappy being a girl:

- Way too much pressure to get me married especially as I get older, therefore biologically burdened
- Looks really does matter for any girls existence
- Extremely prone to harassment
- Virginity is such a huge fuss, unlike men. And a lot of people do not understand that women can enjoy sex as it is, unattached
-being a girl means I have to deal with men and their moodiness, and they are such a total bore and nuisance at many instances --and they are very few enlightened men--
-girls have to triple their amount of their defense line to get their rights. And they will always be labled as psychologically damaged if they seem to be stepping the feminist lines
-At many instances girl have to act feminine and cheeky in order for men to give them what they want, even their rights, which is horrible in my humble opinion, especially for a girl that speaks her mind.
-girls are not exactly understoond as human beings, and men do not quite understand women or their needs
-Not being able to dress the way I want, especially if I am in such a plebian, conservative place. I have to always be wary of the places and the hours I walk in the streets
- Girls are the ones who get pregnant and that’s painful
- girls always have to outsmart men and society to get what they need, and so it is an ongoing mental tension.

All in all, I enjoy being a girl but the older I get, the more tiresome it gets me, for its petty complications, thanx to the man-made complications and the fact that there are very few men.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Beauty and Ayerakis

"Hhhmm it is good," I said to the waiter, "I rarely find good pickles at restaurants".

"Yeah, everyday we check these jars, and these are Lebanese work," he said, flashing all he can of his Lebanese pride, but like any other curious person, his small eyelined eyes were focused, he fired "where are you from?"

"Ani 3ira8iya," I said, "I thought you were Jordanian… the accent," he said.

Of course I change my accent to make it swifter and smoother when I talk to non-Iraqi Arabs, as our accent is apparently sounds Chinese or Hindi to them.

"But is it possible in Iraq to have such beauty," he continued.

I giggled.

"But are there more?" he asked

"There are more of course, and much better," I confirmed. I ended up explaining to him that Iraqi beauty is diverse and changes from the south to the north encompassing looks from blondes to tanned skinned women with green eyes.

The eyelined waiter pursed his lips when he heard tanned skinned women with green eyes.

"Strange, of how people think of Iraqi looks," I said to him with sarcasm.

"Only now, we see Iraqi women, before when they used to come to Lebanon, they were all covered, now there is more liberalization and now we see them," he said.

(I thought that was odd, as there were Liberal Iraqi families with pretty girls residing there especially in the seventies…)

"But in the seventies, Iraqi women were liberal ………" and the conversation continued….

This is neither the first nor the last of all the redundant impressions people have on Iraqis, I don't blame them, we hardly have any good looking actors and actresses, it seems that the professional work of acting attracts the not so good looking Iraqi specimens.

And even though I do constitute a casual cute or pretty material, and I do have confidence but I found his last inquiry – if there is more- was a bit offensive, but I took it jokingly, but I no way, top the beauty of a real beautiful Iraqi woman!!!
we really do have hot women, is just they do not appear on TV much and we do not have any modeling agencies or any branding, public relations agencies that can take care of Iraq's image. We only have blood, violence and tired, poor people that they constantly show on TV.
I still remember the 1999 Clintons bombing on Iraq, the TV anchor said "the bombing hit downtown Baghad", and all I saw in the footage was old Iraqi women in black Abayas herding their sheep
I guess that was the "real" Baghdad downtown and not the lovely Mansour and its beauties.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Do you disagree/agree?

Advantages of a master degree

- flash flash falsh, yo, I got the masters, me got brains. It gives status and image.
- refines scattered inquiries which can lead to better practical conduct.
- a disciplinary method of learning for people are not self-efficient self-learners.

Disadvantages of a master degree
- literally puking money
- it can go totally awash if it was not done credibly or done in bad school with horrible professors.
- does not have a guarantee of a salary raise especially if it was not adjoined by practical experience later on, which is also market dependent.
- if it was not done simultaneously while working, it can be seen contextually as a procrastination time, therefore luxury.
- It can be the last resort to be marketable yet one can still pass the chance of getting no chance-- nothing can compensate for personality and diplomatic relations.
- Dependency on the guru/prof rather on one’s self.

All in all, the best people are the ones who learn through experience, it only means that they can juggle different thought processes under pressure and come out with their own thesis over time.

In today’s world people who can work under pressure and who multitask are the most successful and the smartest.

So basically its disadvantages is more than its advantage,

But the question is who can teach him/herself all they desire and want to.

It is a question of practicality so not everyone can do it.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Probing questions of my inner Robot

How to get things done do follow certain leads and one is realizing options to create a realistic sensor of what is happening.

And through succinct communication, one can really feel the options been shaped up and moulded.

However, then comes the risk factor. The risk factor when it comes down to cultural differences which can create ambiguity, and also clashing interests or interests that are not met because of communication ambiguity.

To excise ambiguity, and realising the fullest potential of a query, one has to widen the potential factor of options, and diluting risks by following raw logic.

Raw logic can be done through not exactly interrogation but through adamant, spot on questions.

However, asking these targeted against problem-area questions, would definitely need knowledge and experience, but how can a person formulate logic based on human behaviour which can go through the process of human error due to many factors including inexperience, lack of knowledge or a unmarriageable interests.

This needs to diplomacy which is simply an ongoing process of talking and talking to untangle the Understanding which prevails on all levels and can feed from top to down and down to top.

Diplomacy however needs to follow logic, and but can logic fall down to bogus interpretations or multi-faceted interpretations.

Can logic leads to such sway of information deformity?

Also, when it comes to action and conducting the query or the objective, does it need healthy individuals biological and mentally, does the amount of food effect human behaviour?

Who can succeed and who can not?

So when something blurs the logical process to do the logical objective can it go under the risk of taking a risk?

Is that possible?

Is there a perfect, risk-free process?

Is there a perfect conduct, if so, then people should measure their conduct against the complete.

If not, people should measure against the potential or the optimal amount which falls back to limitations such as maximum and minimum.

If it is the later option, where below perfection means taking a risk.

Then the question, is taking a risk an option, a must, or ambivalent and one needs to tap into other routes to dig and unveil the truth to reach the objective.

If it is an option, then the situation is lax and can wait or one has a B plan to fall back to.

If it is a must, then a person is rather screwed and it will fall back under the mercy of probability and the ongoing mental tension. Means I have to take the risk.

If one is ambivalent and has no options of choosing if it is an option or a must, meaning I either have to take the risk or leave it. I duno why I feel it is not the same as number one – option--- I can not name it…since I have no name I will leave it. And no it is not the same as saying a must.

But then the question comes in, dashing me.

Why is it a risk when a person is screwed. Can there be a situation of a person following a succinctly logical process deferring possibilities of going through a risk, still leaves you to have a risk?

Is there such a thing?

How different is the conduct of a person who believes in the Perfect Logical Risk-Free process to a person who under the guise of some unclear divine manipulation such as god to create circumstances beyond our control?

Why is there emotions especially irrational emotions, how can one rationalize irrational emotions?

How can a person create intelligence, sound intelligence to create constructive rational emotions and thinking?

If one is to create rational emotions would not that be equal to thinking such as creating constructive ideas, can an emotion be an idea or can an emotion be stemming from an idea?

Is there such think as an emotion being independent in stimulant ? well there are such things as instincts but are there things beyond that ?

The question is, how much of a capacity are we able to create our paths by using our minds and constructive behaviour, emotions and thinking?

Because I want to be that person.

Be in charge!

Boo hoo.
I would love to be a robot.