Personal discoveries and more questions to go?

For me now, spirituality is praying for goodness and goodness alone, it washes away waste, dust, mud, and all the plethora of germs and useless worldly pleasures, spiritually is creating the principled ethics that I make my decisions from, it trims away the unnecessary baggage that freedom can bring upon me, this total freedom which gave me the ability to o discover so many things, but it could have been pricey. Without conscious, and an awakened heart, one will go lost at the bottom of worldly pleasures, and the more one gets of this pleasure, the more empty it he/she would feel, and the more hardened the heart it would feel, while the soul, it would complain that it can not go any further, it is still stationed, idle, doing nothing, has no air, nothing in, there is no food, gas, and real stimulation to run its engine.
I have always wondered, why Churches, Mosques, Synagogues, and Temples, why Imams, Clerks, Popes, Shamans?
Why religion, why believe?
And why spirituality?

Religions and their existences as the lady that gave birth to spirituality, but not! The human ardent search for the endless questions of existence, and the urgent human need to fill the void inside, and not to get lost in so many seemingly amicable human emotions, which spirituality can by itself end all the misery of going down to the bottom. Spirituality is the only one responsible for discovering higher ideals, from these higher ideals; we get morality, and then the human’s first honest effort to write down these discoveries in books hence religions, but then again, human can pervert, pervert all, therefore books are not reliable in my books, and I need to question even more.
This spirituality realizes a higher being, it is discovered, before I called it my watch angels, and they can be the opposite for the purposes of enlightenment, ie. You do a bad dead, something bad in return will happen to you, although not the case all the time.
History, also teaches us that we humans have always searched for the creator and the progress of this discovery became into monotheist belief, it is rather funny how humans made statues symbolizing or believing that it is, it, god or the goddess. Going monotheist, is the ultimate result of finding the creator, and it is also, the ultimate power of human strength to communicate with god or the natural spirit of this universe.

I was an agnostic, I did not believe in any absolute truth, and I could not also, omit god’s existence, but I named god, a natural power that with all my human senses I can not explain.
But now, I just made a simple substitution, unknowingness became believing in 3ilm il ghayb, and now, I believe in some sort of karma, and other godly way of communication to us, to enlighten us.
I dunno, I believe right now, in the spiritual discoveries of religions, I believe in some of the moral commandments (golden rule) they have discovered through spirituality, yet they are changeable as we all still in a spiritual progress. I definitely have problems with the conventional idea of Hell and Heaven, as I believe that doing good in order to go to heave is the downfall of morality itself, I believe in discovering goodness and to be closer to god.

I still have more questions, I have read some few soras from the Quran, I did find what I needed in some parts, whilst, some others, I did not need, want or believe.
I enjoy reading, surat al fati7a, and it means a lot to me, also, sorat al fala8 and nas, however, I still have problems with more sorats. I am also, intending to read other religions; I need to know more about Christianity, and Buddhism.
I would say that, I can be as spiritual as I want to be, in any religion or believe I feel like, I dunno, if that makes be a bahai, I really don’t know and I don’t care if my believes don’t subscribe to whatever mainstream religion.
But in the time being, I try my best to be good, I say hamdulah, astaghfurulah, and la7awola wala 8uwat ila bilah, and I feel the sakeena (peace).


Salam

إكتشاف روحي....

في ظلمات الأزقة الرأسماليه،هناك أبناء لم ترة أبائها و أمهاتها لمده طويلة، طويلة، ترهق القلب ولعا، لكنهم، مشغولهن، كلهم، مشغولون.......في ظلمات الشهوى الرأسمالية الفرديه، تغوص النفس البشريه في عمق الفراغ الأبدي، لا روح لديها، مجرد سيارة ماديه، هائمه في شوارع الشهوات و النزوات، تأمل في الإمتلاء ، نعم إمتلاء المعدة، و العين، و النزوات المؤقتة، الزائفه، فهناك الغلام اليتيم، يبكي على أبه، و هناك ما لما يسأل عليه أحد....في ظلمات الرأسماليه، هناك أنحطاط، إجتماعي، جرثوم يفكك النسيج العائلي......لم أكن أرى الشي الجيد في وجودية ربي، إلا عندما سأمت من فراغ روحي، و كيف هناك حب بين ناس، و إذا بالروح جوفاء، كيف أقبل الخير لأجل الخير، إذا إندفاعي مادي، أه....سبيل الروح في الروحانيه، تحسس الروحانيه، غذاء نفسي، لكي لا أضيع نفسي، و حب الله، حب الله، حب الله، أستغفر الله......و حدانية ربي، أجدها في خيراتي ربي من تعاليمه، و كم كنت أجادل مع أمي، و ما شأن قوانين ربي في عقلي، كنت بغروري أثق أن خططي العقلية ليس لها من مثيل، فأنا مدبرة قوانيني الشخصية، فإذا بفراغ صدري، و في ضيعاني، كنت أعتقد أنه أكتشاف نفسي، وجدت تدابير الله، أستغفر الله، أستغفر الله.....
ما هي قوانين ربي، إلا بأصدارات روحانية، لا يعلمها الله إلا إلينا.نعم إلينا....أستغفر الله......أستغفر الله، و أتوب إلليه.......

أستغفر الله....

in7irgat a39abi, galbi itakasar, itmaza8....

I read the latest entries of Miraj in her blog Baghdad Chronicles http://blog.aliraqi.org/, what a sad story, I swear, I felt really sad when I read it, I can not imagine myself in the place of um Hasan, wala, it is really sad, so I wrote this poem to express my anger and sadness, and my great contempt against this ugly war brought upon the lives of innoncent Iraqi civilians, may god and the good forces of nature be with them.

wala galbi inshila3 shal3eh,

Here is it,

Titled: Price of War

Longing,
Where infinity cannot reach.
Chocking,
The innocents’ hearts with war and its sordid mischief.
Distancing,
Between the bullets, her kisses cannot reach.
Aching,
The wound of her love to him, she digs her fear,
away away,
in the black box of silence, (solemn ) ….. melancholy and sadness are here.
Spilling,
Avalanche of love she feels,
to him,
no where, he is found,
Kidnapped, missing, taken, away… away!
But,
he still lives in the sight of her eyes,
her stomach,
womb,
flesh,
and through her tears;
her ears, hear his echo from a distance,
Imagining him, his touch, his kisses…
She cries in her labor,
in his name,
“Oh dear, oh dear, my love, your baby son, Hasan is here!”







:(

Bluntly Generalizing Men

Generalizing Men -=- Lets have some fun!!


African-American, African-Canadian, African-European – witty, confident, courageous, and honest with one’s feelings. The best when it comes to approaching women.
Type: hot chocolates, good to slurp to heat the body in winter.
Husband Material: 5/10


Canadian – they pass as polite boys but the truth is, they can’t ask a girl out, nor have any confidence to do so, only if they are intoxicated with booze, bars are mostly the place for them to meet potential mates, their greatest difficulty is to figure out what women want. The advantage is, women learn how to be the pants, but they will always bitch of how horrible men are.
Type: cold vanilla to add some cream to sour nights, nothing less or more.
Husband Material: 5/10
Observation: watch out for the shy guys, they make great husbands if you can compromise with your ambitions.


Americans – edgy, witty, foxy, sexy and funny. They are never afraid to strike any joke, they are great when it comes to break the ice, and they know how to seduce women, they are just fun, however they make bad politicians.
Type: hot.
Husband Material: 5/10
Observation: watch out for the cultured and humbled ones, they are great.


Arabs – All about extremism. Either the religious guy or the sayi3 pimping everywhere.

Arabs – Iraqis – He is either the shy, traditional guy that can not ask a girl out, probably he will ask his mom to pick his wife, or the super duper opposite, loose and just loose, with some double standards. And reactionary.
Type: alrighty..
Husband Material: 7/10
Watch out for the guys in the middle of the spectrum, educated, enlightened and handsome, they make great husbands.


Arab – Lubanese – Extremism is found, only there are more guys in the middle of the spectrum as in comparison of the above.
Type: They can have romantic features, over plucking eyebrows sometimes is not attractive for guys, and too dressy, which can be a turnoff,
Husband Material:7/10


Arab – Egyptian – Extremism is found, fewer guys in the middle compared to the above, they rather come in extreme packages, people with wahabi li7ya walking down the University campus or pimping, good advantage, their romantic character come in extreme, and there you go, you have your 3abd il 7aleem, enjoy!
Type: alirghty.
Husband Material:7/10


Arab- Syrians – Extremism is found; almost same as above, more balanced guys are found. They are very polite, and can acquire nice flirtation tactics, but can be very boring. More traditional, and laid back.
Type: alrighty.
Husband Material: 7/10


Arab-Palestinians – Extremism is found, and vivid. They are great when it comes to approaching women; they have the character to please females. They are manly, and never shy to say what they want, great when it comes to flirting, although can be sexist.
Type: Hot. The hottest among Arab guys, although there are sleaze balls out there, better watch out.
Husband Material:6/10

Indians – Their charm come from their sensuality, although they can be totally horrible if they don’t like the girl. They know how to have great fun and they totally dig Arab chicks, they are more liberal, and hip.
Type: Alrighty.
Husband Material:6/10


Polish – Shy guys that pretend to have it all. Traditional and can be very boring.
Type: Mostly plain and boring, but their nice looking blondies must be spoken of.
Husband Material: 7/10


Now, I don’t have any other group of men to generalize, too bad!