Where does machismo lie?

Dividing the rulers from the ruled has always been a pleasant concept I have used as portable gadget specifically when the need arises to defend and to naively forgive the commoners’ misfortune of being ruled by the grotesque and warmongers.
“No, there is a difference between Iraqi people and the Iraqi government” added with similar statements directed towards the Americans and Iranians.

But gulping too much news headlines added with some ‘intellectual’ discourse exchange with the high society from these countries, one will always realize-- plebian as plebian it is-- and so the ones in power. Bertrand Russell said it all ‘The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.’

Yes, philosophers always go on and on in circles, and the intelligent cover many variants the plebian and plebian governments can not comprehend.

Also, the state of the world is nothing but a cultivated collective effort of feeling egoistic and uncompromising.

Even though, the Sunni, Shi’a, Kurd Iraqis reached consensus on some ‘vital’ issues, it did not lead to an Iraqi parliament inclusive that of Sunnis, as they walked out only to leave Al-Hashimi embattling the Sunni Iraqi stakes. The Sunnis hard-headed, idiotic decision is another repeated mistake as their predecessor one when they boycotted last election. As for the independents, secular and hands-off religion group their stakes have been further hampered in a nation that is in dire need to for a secular over-weight to offset the rather myopic, demagoguery sectarians. Iyad Allawi, the Iraqi National Accord leader, further step to another avalanche of Iraqi politics complication is tying up with a top-notch lobbying firm to topple down Al-Maliki, which is another egg on onto Iraqi “politics” and “dialogue”.
History yet to repeat itself, because Iraqis are arrogant, selfish and simple minded due to the religion factor. Why not resolve Iraq’s problems with the given resources inside Iraq, to solve Iraqi problem and cut the feathers of non-Iraqi problems fomented by foreign interferences in Iraq, with Iraqi and Iraq-made solutions, even if it is limited. But they should try!
But the real impulse for such change is not their.

They are arrogant. And all think they having something superior than the other.

And how foul of the Sunnis to cling with any opportunity for them to ally with America if the opportunity arises, yet they frown and shame the Shi’as and other groups of doing.

And it is not the problem with who rules Iraq, it is rather the mentalities of the Iraqi people and their governors, such as the Shi’a victimized notion of 1400 reign of Sunni oppression is just pure propaganda.

Now, Iraqis have been deprived with whoever ruling Iraq, nothing is changed!

Or now the forming static perception of one group against the other, the tug of war and the lack of ability to trust, and be enlightened.

It seems that each group has its own history books, each group has its own set of generalizations, they are idiotic, backward, and Iraqi politics will always be fickle, if they keep on repeating history without reconciliation and realizing the bitter reality that their emotional intelligence does not surpass that of Hyena.

Diplomacy, dialogue, and compromising is needed, if not , the circle will go around and around, and it is better to be philosophical inconclusive rather than murderously conclusive.


We need to put all Iraqi's factions in one cage and let them fight, each other, do whatever, so we can get the draft, it is about time.

To censure or not.

Since one of my greatest hobbies in my spare times nowadays is to read comments left in Alarabiya.net, not only I find these comments amusing, and vulgarly entertaining to give me a good impulse of a good heartache, but it is a great source to learn how low the Arab mind thinks in its epitome zenith to reach the gutter of shallow thinking, racism, derogatory stereotypes, xenophobia and of course sexism. And of course I can not generalize, but these negative elements are fully found in that's site's comments column.

This uncensored phenomenon of leaving distasteful comments wide open to the public, made me really think, why the people in charge are not censuring these uncalled, low-class comments, even in public discussion forums they replace moderators to moderate foul commentary, how come in a "professional" website like Alarabiya.net such thing is not conducted up bar to the acceptable level of civilized discussion.
Thinking I am really right, I was complaining to sis about how lowly some people are, and how disgraceful some Iraqis that leave comments in Alarabiya leaving me utterly ashamed for their tribal, supremacist, racist thinking.

She on the other hand agreed with my moral principles but she said what I am calling for is just against freedom of speech, she continued with her argument, saying those people are representing their environments, and the comments are just excretion of such environments, and by letting such secretions, pus and disgusting crap out there, is but to give it chances to reform, as the filth is not fermenting but exposed to sterilized sun. And she also, added something really personal of how I always used to tell her to confront my parents with what she is thinking and to stop being miss diplomatic and an a$$ kisser, in order for the thesis and the anti-thesis melt into each other and to make something out of it. I could not reply back to that comment, but thinking now, such analogy does not make sense, maybe because I think "I make more sense" :D than my parents when it comes to my freedoms and that I respect people as long as they respect my freedoms.

As for me, I see the comments as poisonous, defamatory for me as an Iraqi, and will only spread hatred in a time where division is thriving and unity is needed.

She added, that people laying their hatred to the wide public to read is also, a good defensive mechanism as it will educate people from other nations of ill intentions felt by other people, so they will be more savvy. This reminds me of this Turkish guy back in university, he quite confidently told me that northern Iraq belongs to Turkey lol

But my argument, this untainted person who have not heard a horrible comment made by his peer from a neighboring country will act naturally when confronted with that neighbor who may harbor such horrible feelings but vanishes as he/she sees the opposite of what he accepted as he/she is tainted. (now this is generally but I am not interested to make it complicate but just to give the idea), so basically it is an action and reaction argument.
But there are also countries that do not need its people to divulge top notch secrets, just yesterday Iran announced that Bahrain is part of Iran, however, if I go to an Iranian discussion forum could I be learning something different, hence the public might is not necessarily similar to the gov.


But I guess it is the Middle East, lets give war a chance, yammy lets people learn by experience, respectable eh!

"In Baghdad there are only killers and victims. I cannot be a killer and I do not want to be a victim," said Basim Hamed, a sculptor who left Iraq to stay in Syria.

I just wanted to share this quote I read in Emirates Today newspaper.

Bosoms, not so seductive in this case!

Beware, alert, beware, bosom showcase ---A fully covered woman, from head to toe yet publicly breast feeding her baby!! Is not that like an oxymoron, and should not breast be covered?

I do not remember what ailment it was, but I think it was extreme dryness or diarrhea that many Iraqi kids suffered from during the sanctions, and there was this small t.v. segment in Iraq advising mothers to opt for natural milks and to breast feed their babies, and I was shocked to see a bare breast in t.v. yet the lady was muhajaba wearing 3abaya? I do not get it.

But also I remember when I was a kid traveling with my uncle’s family in a taxi from Basra to Baghdad, my uncle’s wife did not showcase her breast just like that, she covered! So why women show and others do not. But my uncle’s wife is known to be a very shy person!

And in the west, through my friend’s witness account, he was shocked to see a woman breast feeding her baby publicly. So now, it is international, it is like bosom liberation day, ooops I mean woman liberation day, but these are innocent accounts I guess, like
Janet Jackson, she is no mother but the whole universe got all hyped up when her nipple showed in the American national t.v.

So it seems, it is about innocence versus intentional seduction. So breasts lose their seductive, lecherous appeal when they are used for other purposes, and they look merely like milk containers? :D

But I still do not get it, even the face is not showing but the breast is. Weird. Can not she go somewhere more private? No honestly it is the 21 century with great edifices built; I am sure there are places women can scurry to and be unseen.

I just do not get it.

You have to say what is happening, and how it happened, and where, when. You got to complete the story; you got to find all details, and quirks of that story.

But who chooses this story over the other story, even though if you are covering the whole. There are empirical details side by side as others, so why choose certain empirical nuggets over others to shape the ‘conspicuous truth’ of that story, or why leave some stories uncovered.

Is not all relating to a perspective, each of our own, as we all maintain a lens of our own mental making envisaged through our needles we sew to make our “story material”.

Does an independent news agency exist, can it ever exist? Given the intricacies of wider networks of people, so how many perspectives are there, and why it becomes a sole, prime one at the end? We all can define what alarabiya is, or aljazeera, cnn ect….

Even if we tell a story against all the immoral oddballs or phenomenon of war crimes, nahr al barid, genocides, Nigeria, Al-hashimi killing al-alousi kids, civil strives, and Paris Hilton’s rubbish auction reaching 1.5 million dollars

How cultural relative is this “moral vs. immoral” paradigm is?

And what is even more disturbing and deleterious --how much of moral responsibility do we carry to spread the news of those ever so immoral-imbeciles to awaken yes surely the consciousness, but also smothering the mind of those untouched with dirt, desensitivizing the consciousness level even to a lower level. I do not like violent movies too.

So what makes a good journalism, and is there such thing as a “neutral being” can it ever exist? and who owns these institutions, the thoughtful, sensitive plebian…of course not.

God, it feels a lot better to write questions, than boring dictum.

Cute guy gone, yes gone just like that. Today i went to meet a female friend of mine at starbucks, it felt nice to have some change to find a person who is arab and i can connect with, it was nice moments of socializations i needed.
While we i was talking to her, there was a really cute guy giving glances, and he was looking , really looking and he looked really my type.
I did give casual glances at him while i was talking to her, but i did not smile. He looks and looks, his friends decide to leave, he looked a bit disappointed at his friends' decision, while me thinking at the back of my head "how soon".
My weekend was awesome but this tragic event of losing a cute guy is devastating.
Was i wrong not giving him a smile to encourage further advances?
I mean i just work, finish work at six, reach home at eight forty, eat and crash at ten, my venue for socialization is limited, but hopefully with this new friend of mine things will be different. but still I do not meet a potential guy every time and then, its only few encounters
After him leaving, i looked around me i did not find the guys surrounding are as attractive as i saw that guy, I felt worse.
How am i suppose to sleep, did i lose a potential mate, at least if i had conversation with him to decide if there was something or not!

Is there something you can say to lessen my regrets?
And why is it the social setting always constrain natural selection, most of the attraction spontaneous impulses happen with total strangers to me, and this one was easier in a coffee shop, starbucks.,
He was cute
offfff

why am i changing?

Yesterday was my first official night out in Jumeira, it was beautiful, the lights were glittering ever so gently like some tender silver, gold goddess face bestowing her happiness on me and people were sprouting everywhere like buds of beautiful flowers worshiping the dark night for happiness, erasing the nostalgia I had for people scenes after the eeriness Windsor left in me after many empty, lonely winter seasons.

I went with a good friend of mine I met just recently; he was the most welcoming, the most generous, and we both went to some hot, trendy nightclub a girl from a small city like Windsor have not seen before.

The demographics were plenty, people from all races, lots of Brits and Arabs though, and it was amazing how many Arabs were congregated in one place, I don’t experience that much often, but nightclub guys I do not know why, all look the same, most of them have the same look, either in Canada or UAE, its almost I try the impossible to read how stupidly from their faces, but I do not see books, I am judging, but they do look like that, they look vain, empty, pleasure worshiping creatures, I figured out at one instance, if we people try as much as we try to be happy, try to help my country or other countires, it would have been that way, if we tried to study political thought process, and its applications, the world would have been a different place, but we all commercial, and all the people who do come to these commercial hubs, do what they have to do, and they are the ones who do things, who make the planet go forward not really as in forward probably forward in emitting CO2, all those people do things, but the people who really advent politics, people who made and are making political theories are only in books I read, the rest are politicians with agendas killing my country.

Just like we have money poverty, we have intellectual poverty, we have activism poverty, all those people who do philanthropy in politics are so small in number to people who do philanthropy and good will to entertain their penises, veginas, excuse my acute vulgarity but I felt he world is vulgar, insensitive, and superficial, it makes people who love and are couples smart, really smart! It makes married couples for a long time, geniuses.

I do not know I felt so spiritually devoid yesterday, I hated girls showing cleavages, I really despised guys and girls who are not couples kissing and doing all that, I felt they were low. I felt everything was vulgar, and I went back home examining my wardrobe, I do not want to be like those girls, even though I do not show much skin, but even that, I do not want to be associated with those cleavage showing girls, I want people to see my person, I want people to see women for who they are, I feel women are like concubines, east or west, I feel that way, I want elegant, demure, well-spoken women. I never thought i would say, but I appreciate Hijab, but I guess I would feel the opposite if I was in a culture enforcing that! I just want to be with strong, smart women!

and I miss coffee shops.


Then I had drinks, I have not had a drink for along long time, I remember telling my best friend back in Canada that I was done with that stage of my life, the loud music, the drinking all does not do it for me anymore, but I was bottoming things down, but with some drink after another, I was doing "for united Iraq", "Free Palestine" Cheers!


But I must admit the music was good, and I missed my best best friend, he would have loved to dance, and rocked the place!

I thought, to myself, at that instance, if I feel spiritually devoid, and numb, I could get my spirituality from dancing, I love dancing, and I will always do, but then I went all crazy, and my friend took my hand, lead me outside, the light struck me, and I found myself speaking to random people, I remember telling a girl that "I miss my dad, I really do" and she smiled back at me, so sweet.

Then my good friend, bought me water and hot dogs, and I started the most random conversation with the hot dog vendor "if you had a daughter, would you let her come to this place," I asked. I am sure he thought I was some stupid drunk girl.
"no," he said
"but fathers should trust their daughters…" and I do not remember what the hell I was saying.

Then I and my friend sat at the pavement, recalling everything I feel sorry for embarrassing him. I could not eat the hot dog, I just wanted water, and then I kept talking about my dad.


We took a taxi cap later, I started the most random conversation, but it was still in me fresh -- the news of al-Sarafiya Bridge bombing, and the whole failure of the security plan –
I started talking about Iraq, I started crying in the cab.

I felt I was giving some patriotic, sentimental speech, the taxi driver looked very sorry for me.
I cried in a cab, I never cry in public, I do not know what happened to me yesterday, I never act that way.

Then when we departed me and my friend, and when I took another Taxi cap, I had this Uma nationalist conversation with him, I talked I talked, this guy opened up to me, he showed me his UAE national girlfriend picture, it does not happen, but this time it... happened, a rich gulf girl with a foreign, south Asian man from Bengladish, love happens, and god bless them.

"we are trying hard," he told me when I asked him about their marriage plan.

But thinking of it all, Is it my reaction to the spiritual void I have, did I feel estranged, did I feel that I did not belong there? Did I feel that I wanted to be a wife that makes kuba and all the nice things and be home reading my books while having fulfilling conversation with that husband of mine?

I think I am gona be alone in this for along time but I know and realize that I am strong enough to be anywhere, and to be me, I will assert myself, and my drops of tears is a testament of who I am, since I have a9il, and this a9il will lead me to spiritual guideness and will be the direction of where I will go.


god bless Iraq and everyone who is good.

minu ireed cheese

انت ضوء الضياء, الهادئ يتلاشى على امواج بحاري في غضون طايات فجر غامض......انا عاشقة ضيائك....عاشقة ضيائك الهادئ, يهدي و يرسي سفن عشقك, انا على ضيائك هائمة....
انت نظرة قاتلة قتلت كل شعور حتى الحب و تركت ولع لا يجد حبا......احلم في احضانك, انام قرب سرابك, متيمة بسكن احزانك......




من درت وجك اتحاكيني
ما شفت شكل عيونك
ما شفت لونه
بس شفت دهاليز, ليل غميج...ضعت....ضعت بيه
ويلي....
درت وجك ما شفت وجك
ما شفت عيونك
بس شفت احساس امدوخني انصدمت بيه
وكعني وكعة
شسويت بيه

is it true that we all born with something special to give? what if what i can give is only found in some idealistic world, not so technological, not so commerical, not a banknote, not a chemical bomb equation, not so much of quantum physics and lab instruction manual i can not make, not an artifical intelligence program and robots, what if i had only feelings, what if i can only cook, what if i can not bear children, what if i can not be a mother, or a wife, what if i can not be serious, what if i am dream and can not write a real story, what if i am nothing, just a being who likes to sit under a maple tree, asking y

y






p.s. i am achieving things and happy. i just wrote of what i wrote, do not worry.

I reach my hand,
Over the horizon, I see nothing,
Straight in the air, it stays still,
Waiting,
It stays still,
For me only, I hear its breathing
it breathes in vaccum,
No winds huffing sound.
I dip my finger in a pond,
Maybe it wants to swim,
But no, there were no bites,
Not bites to dismember my nails from its flesh,
the shiny fishes, away.... away, died long time ago
My hands squeak over windows,
And all over the closed windows of the world,
Its all squeak I hear, but all sealing its screams,
Behind the thick glass, I am,
Through windows I look,
No sunlight for my pupil to absorb,
For there was none...light... sunlight…
I cup my face inside the palms of me,
Of me hands,
Sighing down, befriends of memories,
And dreams that are not yet to come,
I sit on a bench, thinking
That my hands hold no hands,
But my lonely face.

My ambitions scare you
For I am just a feeble word of a brave battle
My dreams saddens you
For I am the person you used to be
My speech is stutter
For my words are strong
My future is bleak
For my steps are great, yet tiny

complacent

I have always thought that I was after money and nothing but money, but my UAE stay have proved otherwise, I turned down a good paying English trainer position to stay in for my journalism non-paid internship. The hours did not match my training hours, and it is not something I am wholeheartedly into, especially that is far far far away given Dubai's crazy traffic jam.
But I am still on the hunt for a part-time paying job.

Do I regret going social science, do I regret my choices in life, no.

Thanx for Virgin Man i discovered that I am not recieving any comments. I moved in the new blogger, so everyone is welcome to my blog :)

News is no longer a t.v set I watch, a newspaper I read, or a radio I listen to, news is reality; real, painful reality when someone you know dies, and it will be even be the realest of all when our country vanishes away into explosive bombs, and nothing it leaves only fermented bodies and a memory of despair.

why bomb people doing their grocery shopping, yes Maliki, your new plan is working, just perfect!

In pictures, World Press photo award for 2006 in here , it is amazing there is no one picture about Iraq.

Not fair.

it is the DNA

To be liberated is to be convinced of one’s choices based on free will and rational he/she pertains, of course not resulting in harm to anyone or anything.
But does the state of nature allow such liberation to happen? Do we have time, resources in abundance? Who owns time? Can we stand confidently independent from nature and its inevitable course?
We definitely do not have any absolute control over wrinkles, sagginess, and old age, how false is it, when I hear notions of the legendary, modern woman of how she liberated herself from the ticking clock, the biological clock?
Did this liberation, really liberated women from the number, that is age, yes I can not locate the word spinster in any modern dictionary of the minds, yes people yearn and long not to be associated merely to their age, it is prevalent nowadays to see the age gap between the genders closing, it even seems that teenagers want to be grownups nowadays, almost we are having a linear age in appearance and attitude.

But how much we strived rationally to not think about it, it is still futile…. I am still in a state where I feel that nature is to the advantage of males. Even though, both the male and the female genders have their biological clocks ticking since their conception until it stops, quite happily when death is the graduation (I do try to be optimistic, that was my 2007 resolution)
But how I feel currently is that women’s biological clock is faster. I made a quick research of the marriage age world wide, and the number one common denominator is that it is almost always that the female age of marriage is less than that of men, the only difference is that in collective, religiously steered communities people marry at a younger age than communities who are not, where tradition, role of religion and pressure to be married are much less to effect their psyches.
But why is it that men marry at a later age? Do they value their freedom more than women? Is it the inherit biological trait to spread their sperms/seeds everywhere possible, whilst a women is specific to find that one to make an offspring from? And why is that men with less testosterone make great family men, whilst those with high amount of testosterone have much less ability of becoming family men?
Do women get attached faster than men? Are men fond of experimentation more than women? Why is it men dream of having sex more, than women? And why is that women dream of having families and babies more than men?
Is it the nature of this universe, and is it illogical to ask why, and is it only logical to find rules within such nature?
Why such forces of each gender differs so tremendously, is it to ensure population increase, and why is that, do we need more babies, we have enough orphaned babies in stock, what is the use of this excessive lust, desire? I find it meaningless, and it is meaningless, I really do have problems of how things are run, and what is worse, women develop wrinkles and old age signs earlier than men….it is really horrible..
But this legendary, free, modern woman equaled the man, she trespassed him, she is as lustful, as freed as he is, she even cheated more than he did at times, she dominated, she allured, seduced, she experimented, experienced, she is unstoppable, she is the brave heartbreaker and she is also, unable to love at times, as he is too, and here it is, the “shopping complex”, the pernicious psychological ailment of all times. Just like we shop, and we shop for each season, so our sexuality, and love life changes. How sad!


But in a such a free environment, I still hear him, the dominant man, still loud and demanding as ever, Why is it I hear more men than women, announce their plan to marry at their thirties, are these all women that these men experience, are just short term play things?
Is the freedom that society attained is more in consolation of men’s desires than that of women?
Why is when I still live in free Canada, a free country, I feel that women’s sexual freedom is still a reactionary act to that of men’s freedom, and not so original of their wants.
Or why in the other case scenario, when women are not commitment lover, and do not yearn for marriage find themselves compelled to think about it, when their mothers or their biological clock remind them that they are growing older and not younger.

Everything is still in leverage to that of men.

How is that for my 2007 resolution? Quite optimistic …I guess not.

Of Muslim/Christian Relations this week

I – Sociopolitical


I do not have details, but the city where I live, one guy, a convert from Islam to Christianity originally Lebanese, he fought during the Lebanese civil war, quite ironically against the Christian side. A war graduate, this guy made a one hour speech in a church, about the threat of Islam, Islam according to him is a religion of war and seizer of those unlucky infidels to be in “hell”, his speech attracted many, the non Christians, the Muslims who wanted to challenge this man’s need for some attentions, also, it attracted many Christians whom they found the whole scenario as unrepresentative of their views and thought of it as propagating hate, many wanted to challenge this man, however, there were the ones who wanted to know more about the origins of the drawbacks of Islam, one of those people, I talked to , not in any Church or in any zealot gathering, but a taxi driver, I was on my way to starbucks to meet some friend for some coffee, totally unaware of the extent of this ongoing event in my very quiet city. This taxi driver asked me if I am university student, and what am I studying and all these type of questions, pretty unusual, and he asked me what I think of what happened. Weird. My opinion seemed to be of value to him, but with all due honesty, I told him that I was reading only news headlines, and I have not had the mood nor the time to take an interest in these stuff, but we talked about it nevertheless, we brought the Danish cartoon and the Muslim reaction, what I found really hard, is to defend it from a Muslim point of view, I have always found it hard to be confounded within any religious realm, rising my opinion among my Muslim fellows, is not as much as different as a westerner raising his/her opinion, well to some extent, but what I told the Taxi driver - after broadcasting the news that I come from a Muslim family , that “Muslims are mostly moderate, and most of them want peaceful lives, and the speech was uncalled for”, but I meant every word I said, why would this guy want to disrupt our way of life in this very peaceful city, I have always took pride, that Muslims in my city did not react the same reactionary way as other Muslims from other parts of the globe, I have always took pride that Muslims in my city, protest in a very civil manner unlike what happened violently in France, Canada is just different, but then again, 2006 they busted a terrorist cell in Toronto, however, how far would this escalate, I believe it is dependent on the Canadian foreign policy, if we lead a pro US stance, then I am sorry, simply because it means we are going to enter a war, we must respect and cherish our economic ties with the US by not forgetting our identity as Canadians, we are peacemakers, and if that is laughable, so be it!
As I was approaching starbucks, the taxi driver, seemed to be enigmatic and ardent to ask me this question, that why is it hard to critique Islam without expecting an effusive reaction?
This has always been my question, and when a person asks a question that I usually ask, or lets just say, when a person asks MY question, would he be expecting an answer! I felt hesitant, I tried to play down my insecurities, conceal it with some naïve, self-belittling sarcasm, I told him that “ I haven’t used my brain for a time, ever since I graduated”, and He laughed at me, I guess I a m good for amusement purposes, I added, that “I don’t have a job yet and I just want to see my friend for coffee, and both of us are infidels from Muslim and Christian point of view, and I have not thought about this issue for a long time”, he continued with his laughter, as he was stopping to drop me, he asked “so you gona get wasted for the day”, I told him no “its just coffee”. But sure, I did have some Heinekens, weird, I guess Christians are good in predicting my future drinking habits, but honestly, bars are much nicer on Mondays, you can actually hear people speaking, No, you can actually have some good stimulating talk, I thank the “infidels” for that.

oh , and yesterday my cousin volunteered to safe guard the mosque.




Muslim/Christian relations

II --Romance


A lot of people discriminate when choosing a handsome lover, rich husband, big breasted wife, and it is based on a lot of checklists, however, there are people that can transcend such differences or their religious and cultural checklists of whom they have to marry, that’s when discrimination is deleted and tossed in the garbage bin.

A close friend of mine is in love with a Christian man, and she is Muslim, in a society as mixed as ours such problems will also, put the real intimate relationships of Muslims and Christians under a microscope.
The real similarity is that both religions dissect, and shred human relationships until it fissiles and dies, especially when it is put in an eastern, collective context.
In a collective society, both groom and bride also marry the families to be soon to be their relative families, and this is a harbinger of soon to be diluted personalities of both groom and bride.
With Muslim/Christian love stories, if one party (family) does not accept the other, heartbreak is inevitable, and these are the cases of many.
I have witnessed many accounts of such inevitable breakup of religious differences, my Chaldean Iraq friend and his ex Iranian Muslim girlfriend, my Iraqi Muslim friend with her Lebanese Christian boyfriend, there was a lot of love involved, they were ready for marriage, but all belonged to on common dominator that they had to sacrifice o the well being of their families --- it does not matter if one’s family is accepting, it only works if both parties (families) are accepting. What is even funny, when I type Muslim, Christian, I do not type their real faith, I type what they have to be, my Chaldean friend and his ex, both belonged to non of the Abrahimic religions, they were free in the brain, the Lebanese guy was a devout atheist.
This friend of mine, made me think, that there can only be superficial relationships between the followers of these two religions.

Yesterday, I had interesting chats with my friend, well in Iraqi I would call her khala/auntie, she is the Iraqi Chaldean lady that I was and still helping with her case to bring her handicap son over to Canada. A month a go, when she invited me to her home for some chayi/tea, she showed me pictures of her sons, daughters, their wedding pictures, I do not remember how the conversation well, but I remember she was telling me that she chose the wife for her elder son, and she did not want him to marry the girl that he was in love with,, and I was a bit surprised and shocked, since she came across to me as a open minded Iraqi lady, and liberal, “I never thought you were like that” I asked her , she answered “I did not like the girl’s family, they came to threaten us”, but she said it in a weird tone, and she looked at me in the eye, I felt weird, I knew right away, or at least my instinct told me , that the girl that her son was in love with, was a Muslim girl, but I kept it as a doubt.
Strange as it is, the topic came up yesterday, as I told her about my friend, she sympathized and confessed to me the real story. The girl that her son was in love with, was a Muslim, even the girl’s mom came to her house to ask her permission for them to marry, I thought it was strange, as in Islam Muslim women are not allowed to marry non Christians, I do not know details, but it seemed that the girl’s mom wanted to protect her daughter’s reputation, since their clan or tribe was threatening. Khala’s reasoning, was also, in protection of her family, she told me that she did not want to be ostracized from her relatives, also, she will lose her clan/tribe and as her other sons and daughters were not married at that time; her daughters will lose suitors, and her sons won’t be accepted. She sacrificed one son’s freedom in the sake of others. She told me, in Iraq it does not work, and it is true, I remember one neighbor back in Iraq, the father was Muslim and the wife was Mandean, they never had relatives visiting, they were ostracized from both families.
But what is so weird, about khala N, is that she regrets it, and she said, it was a mistake, and she continued of how times have changed, and how she encouraged my friend to find love in whoever she feels comfortable being with, she added that is in Canada and not in Iraq. But also, in Canada families ostracize their kids, as in the case of the friends I mentioned, and most cases people choose family over the love of their lives, for that reason.

I chatted with mom about this case too, what is so interesting, the devout, head covered Muslim mother of mine, was the liberal hip chick of her time, mini skirts, and all the 1970s innuendo, what is so interesting, mom confessed to me that she was in love with a Christian Iraqi man, she even thought of going to the US with him, so she won’t have to face the consequences of such union from both sides, I wish if it happened, I would be from a liberal family right now, how cool, anyways, mom chose her family in the end, and chose my religious dad. (I am laughing now).
Mom also, told me so many other stories, she told me the story of my auntie’s best friend, she was too in love with a Christian man, and he was ready to leave his family for her, her mom also, accepted it, as she thought that they will gain thawab/virtue if he converts, but his family did not accept it. Auntie’s best friend, flew to Baghdad just to hear my mom’s advice, my mom told her you can not do this to the guy, and to leave him. According to mom, in less than one year, she found another man and married him.
Mom’s most”virtuous” story, is that hearts can change, and she kept preaching the difference between dreams and boundaries, and how even when one married, he/she can be in love with other guy/gal if they felt emotionally empty.
I asked mom, “If I was in love with a guy who is a not Muslim, would [she] accept it, even when she was in the same situation?”, “No, you can’t lose your akhirtich/afterlife”, she answered.
And then we had a fight as usual.
We talked about ethics, and it is funny how she blurred and paralleled two complete thought processes with the same end conclusion, she thought just because I think it is ok for people to intermarry, and just because I do not agree with god’s rulings, then it is also, easy for me to accept theft for example. Mom asked “what would rebuke you from doing so, if you think that way?”
Masters in electrical engineering my mom is, and this is her thought process, how pathetic, well, I do love mom, and I do think she is a very smart women, but that was distasteful. How can you correlated freedoms that are so ethical with freedoms that are not. But apparently, ethics come from god, and for me, ethics come from me. And it is so funny that mom proclaims that we all pray for the same god.

And I write this to god, if you are so merciful, if you are the most wise, why did you create so many religions, couldn’t you foresee the future, can you hear the suffering of the masses you created?

Coming to compare mom’s Islam and Khala N’s Christianity, I would prefer khala’s point of view, she confessed and learned from her mistake, as s he said “love is beautiful”, and as for mom she said to me “keep on learning piano, keep on writing, so you can put a good chunk of your feelings away, to think realistically, you have to see reality”. My mom disappointed me.

I careless now.

Oh, and Khala N’s uncalled efforts to find me a nice man, failed, as the man she sought to me, is not single apparently, is just his mom did not want him to marry his Christian girlfriend, after all, Muslim men can marry from the holy book believers legally.

Now, god, why are hell are you so sexist? Maybe you do not want Muslim women’s offspring to be non- Muslim, but why did you create this chaotic life anyway?

Oh, and mom advised, that I cannot express or show my so unreligious tendencies to the suitor who is proposing.

How can I have so much faith, if I can’t find god’s laws to be harmonious to the humanity I perceive and feel?

How am I supposed to defend Islam to the Taxi driver, if I can’t myself?

We don’t need religion. Enough division.

it is not in the empty face, interseting that is.....it is in the head !

Couple of days ago my friend K called, but this time I picked up the phone since I was away for the past three weeks in North Carolina. This girl loves me a lot, and I do not know how to explain her love, I ignored her for long time, probably two or three months until this current day of this very minute. While on the phone, she asked me whether I blocked her on msn or not, and me with my very outrageous honestly, said yes, but I also, mitigated my outrageous honesty, so I gave her a fun, user friendly, extremely accessible excuses of “post graduation depression” and me being an extreme “introvert , I can’t but just laugh at my crap, although I must admit that the later is somehow true, I do feel I am a bit of an introvert, and I would rather to hang out online or with some interesting books, other than real boring, fake human beings.

The way I met K was through some Iraqi guy (which we both despise due to his double standards, gender wise), he knew K and he knew me, and he knew that both of us shared some mutinous thoughts against religion, she is an atheist, whilst I am an agnostic, but we did not know each other, however, according to his description of her, I recognized this K chick while I was writing my essay downstairs at the Uni’s basement. I looked at her, I asked if she was Iraqi, and asked if she was k, and continued exclaiming of what our gender specific, biased and shared “friend” have told me about her that she is ‘from my kind of people’, apparently, she clicked completely, but I clicked because she was one of the few Iraqis and Arabs who were like that, and I thought that she might as well, hear me speak and understand me.

I don’t want to go into details of my friendship with her, but this girl also, shared some problems that I had too, but she also, has some tragic family illness which made sadness into more sadness, but she is the type of a girl that always tries to look forward with optimism, and tries her best to do what she can, although still, she did not graduate yet, as an English major, she needs to type a lot, and now her hands are not working either, with all these things happening to her, I wonder why I am not with her, I wonder why I did not stick with her, and why do I still judge her, as a naïve person.
However, last summer, through her and me, our sisters were united, we formed a group, she and her sister, me and my two sisters, we used sit at their patio, eating watermelons, drinking tea, and our sisters smoking Shisha. Through her I met her sister J, she is really cool, fun to be with, she is also my age, and she made me realize, why I am not into K that much, J is cool, spontaneous, she does not go into the sudden rushed silence that K usually goes into, J listens, she does not interrupt, K does that a lot and that is annoying, J also, by the virtue of her age has more maturity, of course I am not saying age is always an indicator of wisdom and maturity, but in this case it is the truth, and J understand what the hell I am talking about, K I find her a bit hhmm slow, even though J is a college graduate, but what I really really, do not like about K is the fact that she thinks she is sophisticated because she took some philosophy courses where she can blab some sentence she memorized, well, I am judging her in here, and I am belitting her in here, but at least she has to be accountable for what she is, an atheist, right? She blames – 7asad/envy for her low grades, her inability to be focused on her studies(that’s way before her hands are not working, poor thing), I let her vent about it twice or three times, but I remember while me, her and her sister were sitting in some café, and after me and her sister exchanged some laughter, and happiness, which she was absent from, the change of the topic, was something about her grades, and how she has to improve, and then with all her audacity, she blamed “7asad/envy” for her downfall, me feeling very agitated, I asked her “how can you be an atheist, a proud atheist, if you believe in 7asad?”, her reply was a nervous laugh. That was a turn off for me.
I feel that I had enough with this girl, I felt I needed a better sophisticated friend, well, I am not all that, and I do not even consider myself as an intellectual, but at least I demand someone who has some common sense, or someone that has some clarity and maturity of how they think.
From that day, I kept a low profile, although I miss hanging out with J.

What made me even keep a low profile, is my friendship with H, a Libyan Canadian girl, a Muslim, and she wears the scarf by her choice, although not so lately, but nevertheless she is a Muslim.
H is five years younger than me, while K is two years younger than me, yet I find H way more matured and smarter than K, in the matter of fact, I learn when I talk to H, and what I love about H she got objectives, someone older than her like me even don’t have, she went back to Libya especially to be a doctor.
H is enlightening, through her I get to be exposed of how the world is biased towards females that wear the scarf, she is judged as being closed-minded and ultra conservative. When she got accepted to a highly renounced high school, which had few non-Caucasian students, she was sentenced as the future housewife through the eyes of many, this girl also, had to endure like so many other Arabic girls, the limited freedoms forced down her throat by her parents, in a Canadian society where personal freedom and judgments are highly valuable, but she was strong, I am proud that I was her cry shoulder when she needed, unlike K, I did not feel the same way, but coming to think of it, I feel weird, did I judge K, was I inhumane , or did I just find her plainly uninteresting?
With H I can hold a conversation and about any topic, she is not conservative, she believes in homosexual rights for example, I mean people wearing bikinis might not necessarily believe that, its funny how people judge others by their attire, honestly, going to bars, and wearing mini skirts does not mean enlightment of the masses, but H sophistication is, and I am not saying believing in homosexual rights means that a person is sophisticated…..

H is away in Libya now, and K is in here, I feel friendless locally speaking, and I feel i7sasless.
My sister thinks that I should explain myself to K of how I feel about certain things, I mean she loves me and cares about me a lot, she is probably the only f friend after H, that feels strongly about my existence, but hhhmm I do not care for some intellectual superficiality, if good heart and will are both there and for me!
I mean why do I have to find people interesting, should I call back after months of not seeing her?
Should I reply back the phone call, when I do not feel like it….i dunno…..

God blast history

- More venting about the program -



I have more to say about the program, I did not watch the whole replay, only the last half quarter, they used names that make me itch, not necessarily for who they are, but the connotations behind them, words and names like “3alawi”, “9afawi”, “Hussien”, “Mu3awiya”. These names are just pure history for me, and they should not have implications on how I and other Iraqis should live, what matters in life is the human dignity, rights, freedoms, necessities like food, clothing, and the ultimate necessity, of course is safety.
But honestly, why can’t Iraqis liberate themselves from history, and historical propaganda that is so used and abused, how long should we dig in the same hole and get stuck in it.
It is time for rationality, and logical thinking, we should think about our economy, our dignity as people.
I love reading history so I can learn more, but we should also read history in order to change and make things up for the better, I always thought philosophically speaking, that history is a line in progress, maybe I am putting the west in mind, the kind of people that put archaic concepts behind and fought for their economic, civil and political rights, there is such thing as a minimum wage job in the west and that’s for a reason, women earned their rights because they fought for it, people separated religion from state and that was earned and was done for a reason, of course everything is relative, we do not have any modern leader that has announced publicly that he is an atheist, and nothing is perfect anyways. But the western liberal history is a progression and history is moving forward and the world can not bare its shortage at all, especially that the evangelical, extreme right is there, even its existence as a faint is dangerous, again the world can not bare its shortage, but in the Middle East, the soaring height of ignorance is disgusting, history does not move forward, history just moves into loops, it does not breath and be exposed to sunshine to kill these germs, it is the Mahdi that we are waiting for and the victimized notion of the self and its reflection upon a creation of a repeated history, unlearned, it is the definite fight with the Zionists, therefore no solution is to be found, it is the Middle eastern history, especially Iraqi history that is going into loops, into circles, not willing to be enlightened, forgive and to be forgotten. It is a rare incidence, if not it does not exist, that we have a new government in office, it has always been a huge mess, what does that tell us about us Iraqis?

Mosawi and Jubouri on the Aljazeera


Itijah il mu3akis is showing right now, I watched it just for few minutes, I can not stand watching the whole program, it is despicable, disgusting, one sided, and predictable.
Couldn’t Faysal il 8asim choose better people to represent, but represent what? I think his choice of people is correct, he chose people rightly from the two mainstreams, from the two one-sidedness, two directions that can not meet, the ultimate Iraqi reality, and that is just fabulous for his program, since these two clashed from the first starting two seconds of the program.
Faysal opening’s claimed that thousands and thousands of emails he received, people sending their condolences for the death of the “martyr” Saddam Hussien, adding that one viewer from Tunis, paralleled Saddam’s “martyrdom” to that of Hussien, and Jesus, also he showed the initial static’s of the program’s poll –whether they are pro or against Saddam’s sentencing, four thousand people participated, a huge, crazy number, it seemed many viewers were waiting impatiently to release their excess anger and frustration , anyways, 88 point something percent were against.

After Faysal’s over cooked, sensationally hot, demographically viable introduction, he directed his first question to Mosawi, obviously a prominent Shi’a name, “what can you say to the Arabic street’s prominent opinion and beliefs” Faysal asked. Without letting him to continue, Jubouri jumped in like a parasite, interrupting the man, saying that he wants to start the program by reciting the fat7a – a verse in the Quran used for recitation over dead people’s bodies, yeah religious stuff. Him reciting the fat 7a, whilst Mosawi, continuing answering the question, was hilarious moment, but it ached me, so I just turned off the t.v. as everything deemed inevitable and predictable.
Totally sensational, yet great in depicting the mainstream mentality of both worlds, which is greatly reactionary, emotionally driven, I mean what is the use if both can’t be honest, and logical, can’t they just outline things they firstly agree on, to start a civilized dialogue, but then again, I can be biased on my own, but since I feel the need to be Iraqi first, I feel with infinite arrogance my discourse should be first and foremost. Now you wonder, what is this discourse, I will save it for later.