ok, I have met this guy from Toronto via the internet, you can say we dated, but since we lived into two different cities, we've had two casual dates, and on the second time we've met, it was official for me that I was not attracted to him.
It is wierd, he is a very open minded guy, and he was the first Iraqi guy where I can feel quite comfortably drink my alcohol and enjoy it with him, in matter of fact, he knows nice mixes that he wishfully promised me for valentine day. I can talk about absolutely anything, he has the same view of religion as I, he is a freedom loving guy in a nutshell, with no double standards whatsoever.
We also have simliar peculair things, like both of us are the salad makers at home, he enjoys cooking as I do, he loves dancing and I do.
He is no stranger, theoretically he has what I want from a guy most importantly the basics.
My sis have met him and she thinks he looks cool, also our friend A saw him and he also thinks he looks cool. But I do not know, in the picture he send me, he looked ok and cool but I had objection against he full shaven head. I love hair on a guy, I would imagine myself stroking while sleeping on my lap under a tree some where lost in greeneries.
I want a guy with hair.
I remember when i met him at first in real life, I was struck, I wanted him to be better looking, and I did not like his lips, and my sister thinks I am silly, since she thinks that there is nothing wrong with him.
Honestly, two things must RIght so I can be attracted to a guy, nice lips and nice shoulders, his shoulders, he used to do body building, and some guy's shoulders become rather slant, I do not know how to describe it, but bottom line, I did not like his shoulders. Yes, I am superficial.
It seems we've talked lots over the phone and the conversations have had finished when we've met.
we've had moments of silence, I hated it that, also, I can not be my social science self at all, hehehe I remember I had a conversation with my good friend M, we were talking about how we want a guy with a social sceince impulse, I do not know is it because I love discussing topics that I have learned from class which is mainly theory, not that he was not a very well rounded guy but no, it is the opposite, he knew way more about Iraq and Iraqi politics than I, and I felt like a jackass. He is smart. But I think I was used to the type of guys I meet from uni, whom I would sound smart naturally since most of us are on the same level, but this guy was not like them, he knows other stuff bcz he either knows it or have to know it. And he likes shopping, while I talk in class against the consumerism culture, I felt bit hard on this subject, but i let it go, I do not like to judge people.
And given that I have not had much chemistry, due to physical aspects, everything started to feel very boring to me.
On the first date we've met, I did not feel any joy or happiness, but I wanted things to finish fast, but I thought I must be stupid to judge how I feel mostly on physical attributes , so I gave it another chance. While he left, the later month as I remeber, I did have times when I felt that i missed him, but it was a mischevious feelings, bcz I drew a picture of him that was not him, you kind of remember good people with better image or was it my subconscious wanting to make it happen for me...but the second date came, and on that second date I knew I did not want to be with him.
Even though, he is sweet, kind, nice, understanding, freedom loving guy....
The second day on our second date, I confronted him with the truth, poor thing, he really wanted to go clubing with me, probably to show me his moves, but I told him, that I was not attracted to him.
I remember when I came back home, I was happy, I was free, and I hated his after shave cologne. In a body languge book I have read this summer, said that when you do not like a person, their smell nor their taste would be appealing. True on da smell part, but the taste I could not experiment really, and i did not want.
But he is nice, and today, while I was changing to go to the mall with my sis, I thought about him, I was thinking, my birthday is coming soon, and I will b 24, and here I am I did not meet anybody, but he came back to me, all his good attributes came back to me, he was a true gentleman...but no chemistry,
and what is even crazier, when I finished changing, I went to check my email while waiting for sis, and to my surprise , I have recieved an email from him!!! he was asking about how am I doing and how is everything with me.
I feel that mother nature is trying to teach me something, i feel that the energy that binds everyone in this universe is telling me something, but If i would meet him again, would the feeling of "Oh I know why I did not like you" would come back to me again.
but then my reality, I do not feel that much physically attracted to alot of guys, and alot of guys in here do not even know how to approach girls, so even the perosnality that can cover for a guy's lack of good looks is not available. What should I do, leave this country, i want my type!! damn it!! And the more i live in this life, the more i want an iraqi as well, but here there is a shortage. oooff men in here are just boring.
Another boring day in here
مكتوب # 25
5 years ago