Thursday, July 06, 2006

Am I superficial or there was no chemistry...

ok, I have met this guy from Toronto via the internet, you can say we dated, but since we lived into two different cities, we've had two casual dates, and on the second time we've met, it was official for me that I was not attracted to him.
It is wierd, he is a very open minded guy, and he was the first Iraqi guy where I can feel quite comfortably drink my alcohol and enjoy it with him, in matter of fact, he knows nice mixes that he wishfully promised me for valentine day. I can talk about absolutely anything, he has the same view of religion as I, he is a freedom loving guy in a nutshell, with no double standards whatsoever.
We also have simliar peculair things, like both of us are the salad makers at home, he enjoys cooking as I do, he loves dancing and I do.
He is no stranger, theoretically he has what I want from a guy most importantly the basics.
My sis have met him and she thinks he looks cool, also our friend A saw him and he also thinks he looks cool. But I do not know, in the picture he send me, he looked ok and cool but I had objection against he full shaven head. I love hair on a guy, I would imagine myself stroking while sleeping on my lap under a tree some where lost in greeneries.
I want a guy with hair.
I remember when i met him at first in real life, I was struck, I wanted him to be better looking, and I did not like his lips, and my sister thinks I am silly, since she thinks that there is nothing wrong with him.
Honestly, two things must RIght so I can be attracted to a guy, nice lips and nice shoulders, his shoulders, he used to do body building, and some guy's shoulders become rather slant, I do not know how to describe it, but bottom line, I did not like his shoulders. Yes, I am superficial.
It seems we've talked lots over the phone and the conversations have had finished when we've met.
we've had moments of silence, I hated it that, also, I can not be my social science self at all, hehehe I remember I had a conversation with my good friend M, we were talking about how we want a guy with a social sceince impulse, I do not know is it because I love discussing topics that I have learned from class which is mainly theory, not that he was not a very well rounded guy but no, it is the opposite, he knew way more about Iraq and Iraqi politics than I, and I felt like a jackass. He is smart. But I think I was used to the type of guys I meet from uni, whom I would sound smart naturally since most of us are on the same level, but this guy was not like them, he knows other stuff bcz he either knows it or have to know it. And he likes shopping, while I talk in class against the consumerism culture, I felt bit hard on this subject, but i let it go, I do not like to judge people.

And given that I have not had much chemistry, due to physical aspects, everything started to feel very boring to me.
On the first date we've met, I did not feel any joy or happiness, but I wanted things to finish fast, but I thought I must be stupid to judge how I feel mostly on physical attributes , so I gave it another chance. While he left, the later month as I remeber, I did have times when I felt that i missed him, but it was a mischevious feelings, bcz I drew a picture of him that was not him, you kind of remember good people with better image or was it my subconscious wanting to make it happen for me...but the second date came, and on that second date I knew I did not want to be with him.

Even though, he is sweet, kind, nice, understanding, freedom loving guy....

The second day on our second date, I confronted him with the truth, poor thing, he really wanted to go clubing with me, probably to show me his moves, but I told him, that I was not attracted to him.
I remember when I came back home, I was happy, I was free, and I hated his after shave cologne. In a body languge book I have read this summer, said that when you do not like a person, their smell nor their taste would be appealing. True on da smell part, but the taste I could not experiment really, and i did not want.

But he is nice, and today, while I was changing to go to the mall with my sis, I thought about him, I was thinking, my birthday is coming soon, and I will b 24, and here I am I did not meet anybody, but he came back to me, all his good attributes came back to me, he was a true gentleman...but no chemistry,

and what is even crazier, when I finished changing, I went to check my email while waiting for sis, and to my surprise , I have recieved an email from him!!! he was asking about how am I doing and how is everything with me.

I feel that mother nature is trying to teach me something, i feel that the energy that binds everyone in this universe is telling me something, but If i would meet him again, would the feeling of "Oh I know why I did not like you" would come back to me again.

but then my reality, I do not feel that much physically attracted to alot of guys, and alot of guys in here do not even know how to approach girls, so even the perosnality that can cover for a guy's lack of good looks is not available. What should I do, leave this country, i want my type!! damn it!! And the more i live in this life, the more i want an iraqi as well, but here there is a shortage. oooff men in here are just boring.

Another boring day in here

ciao

9 comments:

programmer craig said...

Lips and shoulders, eh? I know another Arab girl who is attracted to the exact same thing! So strange! I think most the western women like smiles and rear ends :)

Well... I'd say follow your instincts! They say you can learn to love somebody, but i don't think you can learn to be attracted to somebody that you don't find attractive! Although, as a guy, I have to admit a sexy voice and a charming personality can go a long ways towards improving a woman's appearance in my eyes. I guess he doesn't have that going for him either though?

Little Penguin said...

You think there's a shortage of 'interesting' Iraqi guys? yea right.. it's the ladies that are hybernating! Look around you, all you see is people of the same physical appearance and mental disposition as yourself - sometimes I remember this Iraqi frined of mine who once said "I want a wife that's Iraqi from 8:00am till 8:00pm.. after that she's lebanese" He was 16 at the time so I dont blame him. :P

anyways, beauty lies in the eys of the beholder - looks will fade in no time and all you're left with is the guy's diyana and manners, it is these attributes which you've got to make a priority - sounds veyr uncool but that's how things are, im afraid.

P.S: I like British accents too.. I've got one myself :)

Gilgamish said...

Programmer craig,

A beautiful smile is something to die for :)

" I'd say follow your instincts! They say you can learn to love somebody, but i don't think you can learn to be attracted to somebody that you don't find attractive! "

we are friends for the time being, I do not think I can force myself to be attracted to him, it is just he is nice and sweet ...damn it...

"I have to admit a sexy voice and a charming personality can go a long ways towards improving a woman's appearance in my eyes. I guess he doesn't have that going for him either though?"

he needs a nice girl, and I need a nice guy but with some spice and some personality type that I am intereted in......and honestly, I had a temporary crush on my very old (grey hair), bald prof , I think it was his personaity that was so charming, he can make any accent you want, his personality was hot,,,just steamy :D
so yeah personailty is very important, more than looks, but a great personality is as exotic as a beautiful face :D Or wheere I live is kind of dead?


"Look around you, all you see is people of the same physical appearance and mental disposition as yourself"

little penguin, so you know me, and u know my physical appearance,and you know how common I am.. oh no, you got the crystal ball. :D And can you explain more about the mental disposition? I wish if my mental disposition was common and matches the common mental disposition of common men, match making would Have been ALOT much easier, it is just unfortunate that my mental disposition especially when it comes to certain aspect is different than many arabs, who knows I might have been married....but I guess I have to stick like a sore thumb.



"I want a wife that's Iraqi from 8:00am till 8:00pm.. after that she's lebanese""

LOL, typical wilid murahi8een talk, what is Iraqi and then lebanese, what is being lebanese should be like, like my very good muhajabeh lebanese girl or a westernized one...a typical streotype of lebanese women lol

"You think there's a shortage of 'interesting' Iraqi guys?"

There is not much of Iraqi guys to start with, then how about interesting. If there is either to religions or say3een with crazy double standars I abhor.

"looks will fade in no time and all you're left with is the guy's diyana and manners"

yeah ofcourse looks will fade, but I need to be attracted to him, and if there is no look, then I should be attracted to his personality.
As for the manners, yes akhla8 is the most important, and that guy was khaloo8, as for diyana, that is another clash between me and my parents, I define myself as an agnostic, I do not adhere to religion, even though mom is in denial and she thinks I will get back to relgion, so it is a struggle for me, she wants a guy that does his prayer everyday...awaili :D tbh I careless if I marry him a devout muslim or not, all I care is that he accepts me the way I am, and the guy I met, both of us are agnostics, and given we are both Iraqis, we would not find much ppl like us or think the same.
It is just that he is a good man and that kills me, oh well, I think I should meet more guys, ah, I talk as if it is an easy task...

for the time being, I will enjoy my apple juice drink...

take care guys :)

Ash said...

Hey Gilgamish,

I am new to your blog, but I enjoyed reading your post, and I agree with you about the shortage of Iraqi guys around.

I would stick to your instincts. Craig is right about 'They say you can learn to love somebody, but i don't think you can learn to be attracted to somebody that you don't find attractive!'

Sara A.J said...

Ok!! I totally agree! I totally have the same issue.. I’m suffering ... this guy i don't want to lose coz he knows exactly what a girl wants and needs but I’m not attracted to him , not attracted .. Yet he is so much attracted to me
I feel that I would be unfair for him and myself if I carry on and started a relationship with him . I deserve a true love and he deserves someone who loves him back truly
So now the problem is as time goes by he becomes sweeter, we become closer and it becomes harder for me to cut his hopes away: 

Please help!

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