Thursday, July 20, 2006

It is disturbing

Mom is in North Carolina, dad is in Qatar, and I might as well shift somewhere in the universe If I have the golden chance of taking my first chance stepping into a real career.
Yes, the blue collar haven city I live in does not provide me with such opportunities, even the volunteering that I am doing, is not quite in my field, and I am just doing it to beautify my so ever so green resume to hard rocks and real measures, and I think I am too ambitious of what I have just claimed, I think that was my wishful thinking, a real volunteer that will boost my job prospects is somewhere in the big apple, NY and in the UN, get to know real shots, real characters that are responsible for making real cynical, realistic decisions that always go wrong!
But then again, back to capitalism, I have to be like a YoYo, a seesaw, a roller coaster, or the better description, a butter fly sucking my nectar from every opportunity that comes accross to me.
We have to leave the periphery, the unattractive sidelines of unprofessional capitalism, we should live the fast paste, the ever so innovative inventions of abandoning family, loved ones.
But what is so funny, I feel that I am blaming everything on modernity, I do not think so, I know for sure, this has been the case whenever there have been the big centres and the small places that are always on the verge of being empty for its obsecure opportunities, sometimes I dream of getting back to the basics, and have a good land and plant my cabbage, tomatos, and my land hhhhmmm should be along some beach to fish my exotic fishes and other sea foods, and my place, I want it to be a small hut.
I fish, eat, play, dance, have kids, go to traditional cerimonies, and small flowers as I walk collecting wood to lit my heart with passionate fire, and scream that I love life.

Hell, I always dream of stability, I love a certain routine that I enjoy, I love a certain type of familiarity, probably familiarity with my surounding, and the environment, hhhmm a belonging to a place, to a tradition and group of people I accept freely.

But nah, I changed four countries, changed my high school six times, and I am the modern human beings, the bedouins might have ridden camles in search for a better land to feed themselves and their cattle, but now, we ride airplanes in search for the place that has abundance of jobs and benifits.

I might not mind it for the short term, but if I get married, and have kids, I will kill myself rather than seeing my kids shifting through cycles of "oh, we need to move again".

Boom and bust are just curse of my bewitched reality.

But then again, I am it, I am reality, and I am hear to challenge, so yeah, I will apply for more jobs?!

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