hot or cold?

G: Ryan always asks me how I do it, I had no choice but to be self-efficient and strong....

(After a long pause)

Me: Sometimes it is better if you do not have a choice but to be strong, because if you do have the choice of either being weak or strong, you most likely will choose being weak, and be dependent on parents....


(G after his long journey of sufferings and misery, noddes his head with conviction and content esteemed happiness, that he is a self- accomplished young man).

The end of the world cup

Yesterday.


The world cup ended yesterday leaving my always-quiet city with its Italian population raving the atmosphere, honking and beeping and flaunting the Italian flag with pride following almost every passerby to whatever destination he/she going.

The game started at two o’clock yesterday, so sister, my friend and me booked prior a day seats in a café somewhere in the neatly assembled and elegantly decorated café strips of little Italy, because we knew everywhere would be full even if we had booked for our seats, we came earlier at twelve.
Our friend is an Iraqi guy, wore his original blue jersey, he is such a dedicated fan of Italy as if Italy was his home country or something. It was packed to the fullest, in the café where we sat, we did not end up sitting in the patio or the main seating area indoors but we sat in a rather small room area whom the café owners would not usually use for their own customers, its just they had to open more space to accommodate seats for people who already booked seats in their place, but they ended up opening the back door for us, and that is when I suffered, since this spot of the café neighbored residential area, more pollens irritated my good self, I started itching my no time.

I sat with a group of people all wearing the Italian jerseys, well my t-shit was white, so I did not exactly stick like a sore thumb, I was not really a fan of Italy nor France, but I was more leaning to Italy, what can I say, they’ve got some pretty boys there, the most good looking team in the world cup. My sister was actually with France, she did not come to the café early, but only with the start time of the game, our friend and me struggled to keep her seat.

The most thing that intrigued me was the reaction of the crowd I sat with, especially the guys, they actually defied gravity by the way they jumped, their loud voices was above of what was considered loud, and they broke any sense of public etiquette by the way they cussed and swore, and it is so amazing that all those guys were strangers, but on the Italian goal was scored, all you see is hugging, and congratulatory greetings, I do not know why girls did not hug and did all the stuff, I mean I am not Italian and I do not feel all the passion for Italy to win, but if it was Iraq, I think I would be above the clouds.
But there were the quiet-natured people including some couple of guys, whom I exchanged looks in a very happy and amused way with, when people did the sudden jumping when something important happened, one girl looked kind of nervous in a very joyous way, honestly it was a crazy scene, the attachment those people felt towards the team, and longing and the wanting for their team to win.
When the game first started, those people actually stood up in respect for the Italian national anthem, I did not do that, I was not Italian really, but my Iraqi friend did.

The first part of the game every spectator would say that Italy would win but then France made a come back, it is funny how much I heard phrases like “fuck you French” or “fuck France”, it was fine by me though, I understood that as frustration even though a bit rude bit mildly rude so far, but then when Zidane did what he did, which was a disgrace to the sport, even though if the other guy said things he was not supposed to say (which I am sure he said), he should at least Controlled his temper, after all , he does not want to conceal his career with a kala or the bullet like a thor (bull) raging technique he showed up. That was when the crowd I sat with was raging to the maximum, I heard “fuck you French”, “you disgrace to the game” , but the killer one was “fuck you fucking Arab”, I felt I was misplaced, estranged and I felt like leaving , but I did not do any scene, but I gave a dirty look at the person who said such an ugly thing, though I am not sure if it was him, the voice came from the back, but at least I did something, or at least I think I did, but my sister, made the excuse that she has to throw the pizza carton package outside, yeah she took her bag and did not come back, I think she was insulted, but I did not want to make a scene, but our friend, he just dismissed such incidence as ignorance and he kept cheering for his team, in the matter of fact, after the game finished, he went parading with his newly purchased big Italian flag, whom he wore like a cloak around himself, it was a big flag, and teasing him while I was walking behind him, I carried the two ends of the flag s and sung “itmakh6ari ya 7ilwa ya zeena”, it is a wedding Egyptian song :D
After the game, little Italy was rampaged with people from all over, even though they were mainly Italians, but you would see Arabic girls with scarves having their faces painted with the Italian flag, Indians, Latinos, and Anglo Saxons, one Anglo Saxon looking dude, was talking over the cell phone, he was “fuck Italy”, but he was nice enough to me, when he offered a hand, when I wanted to climb over a higher place to have a bigger picture. I think people when people say that “fuck…..(fill in the dash for whoever” is nothing serious, but it can tell you about certain feelings and enmity, most of the Serbians I met were with France, and to my surprise alot of people liked what Zidane did, and some had even wierd explanations, the Shaworma place that I sometimes go there, explained it that Zidane was paid to do that, but I dismissed such effort of explaining such incident as a typical arab mentality of conspiracy theory.
Back to the scene,there were splashing alcohol bottles, I got some on my hair and clothes, and everyone was reckless about their drinks, I got some bear more on clothes. There were a live band, and all that I did not know what I was doing, at least my friend was lost celebrating with other fans, I was not in all that mood, but it was a nice atmosphere, so I decided to go after taking mental pictures of what is happening, my friend walked me to the downtown and then he went back, and there were more people, you would see Somali girls in a car beeping for Italy and carrying their Italian flag. And on the way back, there were some Latin household having Latin music so loud.
I was tired when I reached home, I took a shower, but then sis wanted to go somewhere quiet and to some café, so our other friend came to pick us, and on they way back very rarely you would see the French flag, except for a car, whom we perceived as Arabs, they were flaunting the French flag, and this friend of ours, he did not want Italy to win, and exclaimed to us acutely that he would never go to little Italy, he thinks Italians are show off, so when he saw this car, he was beeping and honking, and he was shouting with pride to other car “Zizo”, all we can see was thumbs up, and replying to us by screaming “Zizo”, and they kept on saying it lol, I told my friend “hayi in the sawaitha modeh”, “ you made it like fashion”, they were quite responsive.
So we went to some other café but away from lilttle Italy, but no way, there were more noise, and what is even funnier, hours later the same car that we ha encounters with, were screaming “Zizo”, but it is Forza Italia for the time being though!

Good bye world cup, until then :)

Am I superficial or there was no chemistry...

ok, I have met this guy from Toronto via the internet, you can say we dated, but since we lived into two different cities, we've had two casual dates, and on the second time we've met, it was official for me that I was not attracted to him.
It is wierd, he is a very open minded guy, and he was the first Iraqi guy where I can feel quite comfortably drink my alcohol and enjoy it with him, in matter of fact, he knows nice mixes that he wishfully promised me for valentine day. I can talk about absolutely anything, he has the same view of religion as I, he is a freedom loving guy in a nutshell, with no double standards whatsoever.
We also have simliar peculair things, like both of us are the salad makers at home, he enjoys cooking as I do, he loves dancing and I do.
He is no stranger, theoretically he has what I want from a guy most importantly the basics.
My sis have met him and she thinks he looks cool, also our friend A saw him and he also thinks he looks cool. But I do not know, in the picture he send me, he looked ok and cool but I had objection against he full shaven head. I love hair on a guy, I would imagine myself stroking while sleeping on my lap under a tree some where lost in greeneries.
I want a guy with hair.
I remember when i met him at first in real life, I was struck, I wanted him to be better looking, and I did not like his lips, and my sister thinks I am silly, since she thinks that there is nothing wrong with him.
Honestly, two things must RIght so I can be attracted to a guy, nice lips and nice shoulders, his shoulders, he used to do body building, and some guy's shoulders become rather slant, I do not know how to describe it, but bottom line, I did not like his shoulders. Yes, I am superficial.
It seems we've talked lots over the phone and the conversations have had finished when we've met.
we've had moments of silence, I hated it that, also, I can not be my social science self at all, hehehe I remember I had a conversation with my good friend M, we were talking about how we want a guy with a social sceince impulse, I do not know is it because I love discussing topics that I have learned from class which is mainly theory, not that he was not a very well rounded guy but no, it is the opposite, he knew way more about Iraq and Iraqi politics than I, and I felt like a jackass. He is smart. But I think I was used to the type of guys I meet from uni, whom I would sound smart naturally since most of us are on the same level, but this guy was not like them, he knows other stuff bcz he either knows it or have to know it. And he likes shopping, while I talk in class against the consumerism culture, I felt bit hard on this subject, but i let it go, I do not like to judge people.

And given that I have not had much chemistry, due to physical aspects, everything started to feel very boring to me.
On the first date we've met, I did not feel any joy or happiness, but I wanted things to finish fast, but I thought I must be stupid to judge how I feel mostly on physical attributes , so I gave it another chance. While he left, the later month as I remeber, I did have times when I felt that i missed him, but it was a mischevious feelings, bcz I drew a picture of him that was not him, you kind of remember good people with better image or was it my subconscious wanting to make it happen for me...but the second date came, and on that second date I knew I did not want to be with him.

Even though, he is sweet, kind, nice, understanding, freedom loving guy....

The second day on our second date, I confronted him with the truth, poor thing, he really wanted to go clubing with me, probably to show me his moves, but I told him, that I was not attracted to him.
I remember when I came back home, I was happy, I was free, and I hated his after shave cologne. In a body languge book I have read this summer, said that when you do not like a person, their smell nor their taste would be appealing. True on da smell part, but the taste I could not experiment really, and i did not want.

But he is nice, and today, while I was changing to go to the mall with my sis, I thought about him, I was thinking, my birthday is coming soon, and I will b 24, and here I am I did not meet anybody, but he came back to me, all his good attributes came back to me, he was a true gentleman...but no chemistry,

and what is even crazier, when I finished changing, I went to check my email while waiting for sis, and to my surprise , I have recieved an email from him!!! he was asking about how am I doing and how is everything with me.

I feel that mother nature is trying to teach me something, i feel that the energy that binds everyone in this universe is telling me something, but If i would meet him again, would the feeling of "Oh I know why I did not like you" would come back to me again.

but then my reality, I do not feel that much physically attracted to alot of guys, and alot of guys in here do not even know how to approach girls, so even the perosnality that can cover for a guy's lack of good looks is not available. What should I do, leave this country, i want my type!! damn it!! And the more i live in this life, the more i want an iraqi as well, but here there is a shortage. oooff men in here are just boring.

Another boring day in here

ciao

A short visit ...

My friend needed a course outline, so today I had a short trip to my University, well my EX-university. It felt so strange steping into the classroom, so spacious, full of intelligent-looking young people, I recognized two people I know.
I loved the prof. and I loved the subject discussed, it was "Canadian legal process" class, wierd I have not taken this class, thats what happens when a person changes majors, the electives won't be that much focused.

Ah, I loved it, loved it, I love theorizing, I love the academia and I love the people around me. Ah, lets talk about positive, natural and realist laws........Yeah!!!

Honestly, why would I want to go out to the real world, academia is much more sheltered with nice caring profs whom their sole task is to make you think and question, and you will meet with people who you can have long, intereting conversations with.The academia is a civilization, and why would I want to leave it, and to where, to the ugly real world! I like theorizing and I like asking what went wrong, and I like endless questions...

If education was for free, I would have pursued my PHD, drink and party! Yes, I would love to puruse my career as an intellectual hippi, but capitalism, oh capitalism is forever capitulating me, or not...hhhmmm let me ponder upon the question of my self-emancipiation from the materialist life style, and conclude if whether it is possible in our modern world to happen?

but now, I feel exuberantly enticed to talk about my nationalist sentiments, about my Iraqiness....If i was an Iraqi living in healthy Iraq, I would not have had OSAP, oh gosh, but I love Canada though..
oh well, me go away now...
salam

Parents...

No matter how much I try to be independent of their opinion, especially their opinion about me, they still matter even if I do not admit it. They matter most when they give their assurance, even if the road is sturdy, it is almost like an oxygen boost I breath to refresh my wilted esteem in the midst of smoke and pollution.

Sheesh Hasheesh

The very interesting internship that I was dying to get, was an intership where I can apply my degree with all the topics that are of interest to me, which I mailed last Friday, was unfortunate enough to freeze somewhere in the North Pole, it was sent to Santa for my wish to be untrue next Christmas. No, truthfully, I phone called the place and the person who was in charge for the interns' employment has stopped working since the last three years. The person I talked to had an awesome English accent, and told me, that a quite number of people have asked to talk to this imginary fella, apparently the site that I went to was an old, outdated grandma.
And I asked him with a wishful, rather hopeful voice if they hand any internships for the time being, he replied me with an appologizing sad voice "No, we don't" .

OOOFFF.

I think I should phone call and then email/mail and not the way round, collecting correct informations seem like a task of its own.

A great article for all the Arts, social sceience, and humanities graduates

First of all, I want to send million kisses to whoever wrote this article. The article definitely,
Confronts the myths with insightful evidence for what our employable degrees can provide. A good read and a great boost!

What can I do with a Bachelor of Arts Degree?: Myths and Facts
Myth #1: A Bachelor of Arts degree is not enough to find a well-paying, interesting job. I need to go to graduate school, Law School, the Faculty of Education, or a technical training institute to be competitive for professional employment.
Myth #2: A Bachelor of Arts degree will get you a job flipping burgers and not a whole lot else!
Myth #3: A Bachelor of Arts degree is a waste of time and money. Those who specialize in Engineering, Technology or Commerce are the ones that get the jobs and earn the most money.
Myth #4: If Arts students just 'do what they love' in terms of their academic course work, career planning can wait until later or after graduation.

A main reason for the skepticism about the labour market value of an Arts degree that we sometimes hear in the media or from family and friends is the frequent lack of an obvious correspondence between majors and specific jobs.
For example, a Computer Science major is likely headed for a career working primarily with computers, thus applying the technical knowledge and content directly from his/her coursework. However, because a History major will not necessarily get a job as a historian after an undergraduate degree, many students worry about how an intimate knowledge of medieval Europe, for example, will translate into a satisfying, challenging and well-paying career after graduation.
For many students, parents and peers alike, this uncertainty has spawned many myths about an Arts degree. While these myths are potentially damaging, reality does not support them. In fact, graduate outcome surveys and research show that Arts undergraduates are equipped with transferable skills that are highly desirable to many different employers. Such a high level of marketability allows for great career versatility and success. This skill set, along with the corresponding benefits, is unique to Arts undergraduates, and the key strength of the degree.
Photograph taken by Matthew Celuszak
Myth #1: A Bachelor of Arts degree is not enough to find a well-paying, interesting job. I need to go to graduate school, Law School, the Faculty of Education, or a technical training institute to be competitive for professional employment.
Fact #1:
Further academic study is not a pre-requisite for finding lucrative and interesting employment immediately after completing a Bachelor of Arts degree. Arts students should not feel they need to pursue further education simply because they do not know what else to do or feel they cannot secure a well-paying job without it. According to a survey conducted in 2001 by the University Presidents' Council of BC, BC Arts graduates are employed with an average salary of $46,000 annually within 5 years of graduating, without having any further college or university study.
The reason for this is that most professional careers fall outside of the mainstream or traditional jobs of 'Lawyer', 'Teacher', 'Doctor', or 'Professor'. Many are within Arts students' reach upon graduation, particularly if they have already identified their unique interests and abilities, researched occupations, networked with industry professionals, volunteered or worked in related fields, and rounded out their academic education with other activities. The following are examples of job titles held by Arts graduates, ranging from non-profit, to private business, to government:
Analyst
Events Planner
Advertising Executive
Marketing Professional
International Developer
Corporate Trainer
Technical Writer
Graphics/ Web Designer
Entrepreneur
Program Coordinator
Vocational Counselor
Advisor
Facilitator
Manager
Director
Supervisor
Although many of you may find that you desire more formal academic or specific education as you advance in your career, it is not necessary or even advisable to pursue further education immediately after graduation unless your career exploration activities have pointed you in a direction that requires further specialized education. Participating in career exploration and research activities guided by UBC Career Services and/or Arts Co-op will provide the direction, information and opportunities needed to gain experience in fields that spark your interests.

Photograph taken by Stephanie Tait
Myth #2: A Bachelor of Arts degree will get you a job flipping burgers and not a whole lot else!
Fact #2:
Based on recent statistical analysis conducted by UBC Professor of Economics, Dr. Robert C. Allen, Liberal Arts graduates readily find jobs and generally earn high incomes. Arts graduates are often employed in a professional or managerial capacity (50 - 81%). This compared favorably with those in Commerce (60%) and those with technical or vocational diplomas from colleges and technical institutes (24 - 35%).
According to a study conducted by the Social Science and Humanities Research Council of Canada, Arts graduates have a high earning potential. From their 20's to their 50's, students that graduate in the Humanities see their annual income rise on average by 78%. Graduates in the Social Sciences see their income rise 106% over the same period. This compared favorably with a 47% increase in income for community college grads and an average 76% increase for university grads across all fields.


Photograph taken by Arts One
Myth #3: A Bachelor of Arts degree is a waste of time and money. Those who specialize in Engineering, Technology, Science or Commerce are the ones that get the jobs and earn the most money.
Fact #3:
In the long run, graduates with Arts degrees are often just as successful as their counterparts in other, more vocationally specific degrees. This is because Arts graduates emerge with highly developed research, communication, creative problem-solving and critical thinking skills that are in high demand because they are difficult to teach in the workplace. Many employers want this type of well-rounded employee, who can be trained for more specific skills.
In January 2001, 30 top executives of major Canadian high-tech corporations released a joint statement to the Canadian HR Reporter articulating the merits of a Liberal Arts background in the dot.com economy:
"It is impossible to operate an effective corporation in the new economy by employing technology graduates alone. We have an equally strong need for those with a broader background who can work in tandem with technical specialists, helping create and manage a corporate environment."
The statement also said that in order for Canadian companies to compete and prosper internationally, they need to employ leaders who are creative, possess critical thinking skills, and who have learned how to keep learning. In fact, many CEO's of successful technology companies have undergraduate degrees in Arts.
Here are some other examples of successful UBC Arts graduates working in a range of professional occupations:
Susie Biro, Certified Professional Coach, Speaker and Seminar Leader, BA Psychology
Suzanne Boyd, Team Leader, Attraction & Recruitment, HR Business & Performance Consulting, Human Resources Division, VanCity Credit Union, BA Sociology/ Women Studies
Pat Carney, BC Senator, politician, author, planner, BA Economics/ Political Science
Ben Heppner, Tenor, BA Music
Gillian Moran, Program Manager, GLOBE Foundation of Canada, BA International Relations/ Canadian Studies
Robert Mundell, University Professor, Columbia University, BA Economics
Linda Ong, Program Marketing Co-ordinator, CBC, BA English Literature/ Sociology
Jonathan R. Pagtakhan, Financial Adviser, CIBC Imperial Service/ CIBC Investors Services Inc., BA Economics
Judi Piggott, Director, Training and HR Development, Alliance for the Arts, BA Psychology
Alison Stringham, VP Operations, Hot Tomali Communications Inc., BA English Literature
Jasbir Uppal, Regional Program Officer, Associate Regional Executive Head's Office, Human Resources and Skills Development Canada, BA Political Science/ French Language
An Arts degree is a "good ticket" to long-term career success because Arts students develop permanent "soft" skills in research, analytical-thinking and flexibility and often experience greater workplace variety as a result. In a report released in June 1999, the Ottawa Citizen revealed that that Arts graduates tend to be more satisfied with their jobs than the technology graduates 5 years after graduation.
If you want to obtain some ideas about possible careers for your major after graduation, click on "What can I do with my major" from UBC Careers Online.

Photograph taken by Ka-Kei Law Photography
Myth #4: If Arts students just 'do what they love' in terms of their academic course work, career planning can wait until later or after graduation.
Fact #4:
We encourage students to pursue what they are most passionate about in life. The trick is to turn your passion into your career by planning your career path strategically starting right now! Although the first step towards creating a career you will love begins with finding and focusing on the subjects you are most interested in, doing what you love while planning for the future will turn your passions into tangible career realities.
By starting to plan for your career while you are pursuing your studies, you will experience an easier transition from your academics into the workforce after you graduate. Instead of waking up after your graduation ceremony and asking yourself, "Now what?", you will have a clearer picture of what kinds of work you are interested in, where to search for or create such employment, and how to secure the position. Also, the sooner you start this process, the more networks you will develop which could provide you with leads to unadvertised job openings or ideas on how to create your own employment.
Starting early will also provide you with valuable experiential learning opportunities to test out the kind of activities you think you would enjoy doing for a living before you have to commit to them full-time. Spreading your career exploration over the duration of your studies could save you valuable time, energy and money in the long run.
You are totally employable with your Arts degree. Why wait until you have graduated to figure this out?!

from http://www.arts.ubc.ca/What_can_I_do_with_an_Arts_deg.436.0.html


:)

Feels so bla.

I dunno why, this weekend I am feeling very tired. I have not done anything productive much, except washing dishes. Although, I went to play tennis with a friend today, it wen fine, its just she is new to the game, and I was teaching her, she was impressive, but her hands got tired fast, we ended up talking and thats about.
I have alot of energy, but it is going into waste. I am volunteering, trying to upgrate my skills. But I still just feel inadequate still, I want to learn French, I want to read more books, and I want to travel but my pockets are empty like my feelings. Everything feels like Bla. And this weekend of mine is definitely a big BLA!
I think I will get back to my book, I am currently reading "The court of the Caliphs -- when Baghdad ruled the Muslim world". It is all cool.
Oh sis, is calling me to go for grocery shopping, this is so bla....

waiting and making descisions.

Alrighty, so I graduated. Did not get any sucky, filed-unrelated job yet, however I did apply for two, real good internships. I will be applying for more and more, I do not know, getting a job does it have to do with quantity of jobs I am applying to or the quality. If it is quality, then I hope I will get into one of those internships that I have applied already, if quantity, then I must probably wait until I reach a number that will make me feel confident that I must pusure more of filed-unrelated, suck jobs or continue education.

If I to continue education, Money is needed, since I am was such an idiot since I did not work hard enough to get any attempt of me getting a scholarship, my major average is a B, ok just a B, if I want to do a masters, I need at least a B+. But I still have the choice of me purusing another four semesters in econ. and a business degree, this kind of degree is more commerical and market oriented.
But more Money.
I want education to be free, at least to me. Honestly, why do they have to tie us like that wit debt.

Or I can kick education right on the ass, and do one of the banking/investment certificates, and employ my current degree International Relations on something I like and feel more passionate about, like be an NGO or something related.


Honestly, making decisions is hard, it is not like that opportunities are abundat.

All mixed up. Of success....soccer, IQ and Culture.

Today, I was at my friend’s house to watch Germany and Argentina play. Oh my god, at first I thought they were like two concrete walls playing, and the game was only ball reflections, left to right and right to left, I was about to be hypnotized at one moment, but thank goodness, the Argentinean goal woke me up.
Both strong teams, although I kind of disliked the game, both were aggressive and the referee was not too honest, he gave this Argentinean guy (duno his name) a yellow card FOR Nothing! And there was this Ballack dude, he totally acted out when he cupped his hand over his nose, yeah right, he must be an A student in his drama class back in school, honestly, he did not even fell or hit his nose.

Anyways, both teams were tough, good great defenses, aggressive, fast, furious and want to win.

But one thing that distinguished the Germans, is their nerve made of steal ----Their Mental Power. The Germans never lost a penalty kick ever since 1976, they were determined, and they kicked the ball at ease, while the Argentineans, the look of fear, frustrations and anxiety was written all over the faces, especially those two players whom they lost the two kicks for Germany.

Believing in one’s ability and feeling at most comfort when doing something that needs an intricate detail of completion or endeavor is the top-notch requirement for success. But of course one has to know truly where his/her abilities at and how to direct his/her potentials, but then one should not be unconfident in the conviction that they can not do it.

The Germans they usually have high self-esteem, they believe in their abilities, they work hard to get where they want, no wonder why they are so proud of their superb technology and inventions!

And it somehow made me think back, I was once surfing the Internet and I came across a website about IQ correlation to countries’ wealth and success. How countries with high IQ tend to be more productive industrial countries and wealthy. I was somehow upset and felt it was untrue since the earliest of inventions were in the Middle East. But then this website led me to search for more contrary evidence to what the website champions.
And so I ended up reading internet materials about sociological factors, on how minorities back in the early 1990s -- when racist jokes were triumphed in America, used to do poorly in schools as compared to their improved performance if not above average when these racist jokes abolished or that change that the American culture witnessed to a more tolerant society. One prime example was the Jewish Poles. Also, they were some evidence of how black African kids do great in their early years but then slope down, and this is mainly to the stereotypical images they are fed by society of how African American are like.
And somehow I can relate that to my high school experience, I remember all my teachers used to scare the kids of how University is hard and it needs a lot of work, and my school was known as the gang school but then the name changed to refugee camp, but in my time they were mainly poor white kids, and apparently my school did not have much of graduates that go to University, very few. As for the messages portrayed about university in other schools, primarily in schools that have mainly rich kids are totally different, and it is all about nurturing their abilities, and I knew that since one of my best friends changed from the poor kids’ school to rich kids’ school, well the rich kids’ school they were mainly whites, and her being wearing the Hijab, she stoked out like a sore thumb, and according to her, her Chemistry teacher somehow treated her initially as stupid. But then she is a tough girl and she knows she is smart, and now she is a medical student, I think her success is mainly is that because she comes from a highly educated family, she knows she has it all, how about kids who have not being told that they can do it or come from cultures that are hampering

Not everyone has the believe and the conviction of their abilities, what if you come from a society that is pessimistic, and suppresses the individuals all the time, what if the society likes to chill out all the time and likes laziness, what if the society is conventional in every term possible and the orthodox way will always kill creativity, definitely each society will vary in productively and performance. The west is creative, they are innovative and work according to a plan, the East Asians (the Asian tigers) are very hardworking people, they never give up, and they work according to a plan. Of course, one cannot dismiss political conditions and that’s another story.

So to be successful, you gota know urself, and have the mental power to never let urself down. Alright?!

The fireworks yesterday.

Another fireworks, and another single year for me. But honestly this year's fireworks had a way much higher pitch in sound, I swear I was chicken scared, somehow reminded me of the Iranian-Iraqi war along with the Gulf war. I swear, just the sound of the missle when it takes off made me remember Khumayni il jayif. And honestly, all the blue and red was like a vignette of my life back then, when my older sister used to ask my mom if she can go see over the windows whilst the Americans beat the hell out of us, well sis watch it no matter what mom said, she can alway play hide and seek and it is quite frankly the same thing, but one is entertainment and the other one is actual war.
Though, at times it made me feel like I was in the middle of star wars or an allien invasion especially when the fireworks have this visual effect that it is coming towards me.
But it is amazing, it is one of days where the city i live in feels like it has an actual population. Oh, well that is Canada, peaceful and nice :)

Identity

The last couple of years especially since the American invasion on Iraq, identity has became like a sword cutting Iraqi ties, or something like a concentrated, venomous acid dissolving beautiful pictures of Iraqi bonds and relationships.Sunnism and Shi'asm became rather a notorious topic that many started talking about it audibly, to be honest I have had a couple of conversations with Canadian Iraqis from my generation (early twenties) and we all discovered that we discovered out sects only when we came to Canada, I never knew that my parents were Sunnis, adding fumes to fire, non-Iraqis love asking the question when they know I am from Iraq, whether I am this or that, it seems it gives them a boost that they are actually know the ins of the Iraqi society. In the matter of fact, when I recall my childhood memories in Iraq, I can hardly vision of which one of my friends were Shi'as or Sunnis, and I just recently discoved that Shi'a Kurds are called Fayles, and somehow with deductive analysis I discoved that my best friend back home was a Fayle Kurd, however, there are friends who I could not reach an exact approximation on whether they are Sunnis, Shi'as or Sushis.It might be ignorance on my behalf but Iraq's society did not have such a divisive epedemic, at least through my experience. It is crazy though, how this issue is becoming widespread. The other day my two sisters went to visit my parent's friends especially that mom is working somewhere else, so we need to keep in touch. While my sisters were watching Davinci Code, mom's friend was talking on the phone with Khala B, and both are from different sects and they are friends since UAE before migrating here, and according to my sisters they had an ongoing heated arguments about this ever so infamous topic, Suna and Shi3a. I just hate it. I think people should just shut and never talk about it, or if they wana talk about it, they should replace their closed-minded heads with an open-minded ones. Yes, we need a surgical operation. And I am sick and tired of being bombarded with this topic every step I go.But this issue had made me look at my family, it made me look at my roots, and where I come from, I have just recently about two years ago discoveredd new things about my dad.Dad is from Baghad, however due to the craziness that Iraq is enduring, I kind of searched his background, he is not actually one hundred percent originally Baghdadi, his dad is originally from Iraq's holliest cities Karbala, and his mom is from Haditha, the Anbar province, west of Iraq. Haditha, which is by now famous due the masscare that happened against its people done by the American soldiers avenge. How interesting, so my dad is a Sushi. Welcome democracy, enlightment, it is something interesting and cool to have in the family.This discovery made me feel the carefree reaction like the one I got when I first listened to Michael Jackson's song of "it does not matter if it is black or white", and then my mind went back tracking to trace the joy of the 1970s the era that I was not born in, and my dad suddenly appeard as a memorabilia of the 1970s. No wonder why is he so good looking and carefree, probably because he is made through a heated, democratic, fiery sexual intimacy between sunni and shi'a bodies. Such lucrative-- hot---seductive never thought to be imagined intercouse and intimacy between my grandparents, one whom I never seen, is just a desperate attempt of my brain to collect my flying everywhere, hyper, sensual nervous system, that such marriage is widely thought to be odd nowdays, a sunni from western Iraq and Karbala2i shi'a, WOW! My grandparents are the democrats of the democrats, and right on the face of all the secterian supermacists and haters!But the sad thing is, that before it was an alright thing, but now it is such a big thing jointed with my big ideas of a peaceful united Iraq!It seems that my dad followed suite after grandmother along with his siblings, but all his uncles and cousins from his father side, all are Shi'as.As for my mother's site, she is not entirely one hundred percent Basrawi, only half, her mom is a beauty from Baghdad, and my grandfather is proudly a basrawi. Both are sunni arabs, so not much fun there really! Only different provinces.So my roots cover a big Chunk of Iraq from the west to the south and to the centre of Iraq, Baghdad.With all the stuff happening, one of my sisters is planning to marry a Shi'a just to make things even more cool. It is interesting how identity shapes decisions, interactions and human relationships, but not alot of people realize how adaptable we are to accomodate differences, but such realization is not felt yet in Iraq's political sphere!But then again, I am a Canadian and I lived in Jordan and Malaysia and I befriended with many types of people of many different backgrounds, so my roots are more vivacious and rich as I loved people accross continents, and cultures, and even my identity as an Iraq won't stop me from reaching to others, and to help others if I can. As an Arabic poet once said "kha6awati Ana", so yes, my steps make me, and hope if I can walk the world to be the world at heart.

BB

BB or BiBi in Iraqi means nana or grandmother.

oh well, mom called today since she is works in North Carolina, and told me that bb went back to Basra. I was shocked. It was a brief conversation since mom wanted to talk with my dad. Apparently my grandmother left UAE early today and arrived an hour or so afterword in Basra, she took an airplane. I felt that my uncles were so horrible that they would let an old woman go back to such a dangerous zone. Apparently it was my grandmother's decision, and she wanted so, since the militias are stealing properties of the people who left, so she wanted to go back there, so they know that there is a person there. And I asked mom that if there is a big possibility that they would hurt bb, aparently mom thinks that she is an old woman and they would hardly harm her.

I dunno the whole thing sounds ma a3ruf shlon. we'll c what will happen.

Emails and Phone calls.

I contacted today Amensty international via the phone, left a msg and I told them what I know. I also, emailed human rights watch to whatever emails I got online, mostly US headquartes like Washington etc, however the email to toronto@hrw.org came back as an email failure. How bad, I live in Canada, and the only e mail to Canada was a failure.

I browsed through their sites http://www.hrws.org & http://www.amnestyusa.org . HRW had a section of how a person can get into the action of doing something, like blogging for human rights, it sounded cool but I am already kind of doing that, but I must admit I am new.

I do not know, it seems there is not much I can do really except than talking and writing, although I feel at times to go back to Iraq and shout "Hey, people we should love each other" and throw a hippie party or yell, "never listen to foreigners and stick to each other". I sound stupid but that is how I feel, I feel like a little kid inside, I remember when I used to be a Kid reading history, I always wondered why do people go to war with each other, why can't we all be nice and good to each other and live happily after. Even though after finishing my degree of International Relations, and I have took courses like Conflicts and resolutions, I can not help but still think that little kid kind of a way. But it somehow led me to realize - not that i did not know that before, that people are so easily brain washed, easily frightened. There is not much of independence but only dependence on what the top dog has to say, if all the people who share thie little kid instinct can unite rather than being loser, idealist intellectuals, then something can happen.

but No honestly, why is it always that the Iraqi people are always controlled either by foreign powers, dicatorial local powers or ideologies that are outmoded and archaic. Is it probably because they never let themselves free, and independent? Feeling free I must admit is not an Iraqi thing, you always gota listen to parents or whoever in Charge, it is a patriarchical culture anyways . We just have to break away, and run freely, but not everyone finds that even necessary or possible.
oh well I am dreaming,
I think I am just venting , ciao for now.

I am Iraqi, and I will do something to Iraq.

I will do something.



My mother is from Basra, and yes your first initial demographic, remote sensing, stereotypical, wrong intellectual perception is that she must be a shi’a. Well I am sorry, mom is not a shi’a but a sunni, that is one thing that most people do not know about Basra is that it is or it used to be a big metropolitan area, and you have all kind of Basrawis from Shi’as, Sunnis, Christians, to Mandeans and what have you. It used to be known as the Florida of the Arabs with its awesome palm trees and blue Shat Al-Arab, back in the Seventies Basra was even the Iraqi city to be more than Baghdad (but thanx to Sadam it was completely destroyed in the 1980s). It was a city of tolerance, never my mom said shi’a or sunni , there was no fitna or sectarianism, if my mom was ever proud of something as her background, proud of Basrawis' fishes and great yummy shrimps, and proud of the Basrawis' simplicity as oppose to Baghdadis’ vulgarity, mind you, my dad is from Baghdad!

However, with the latest development in Iraq and especially in Basra, this spirit of tolerance is gradually being erased, and turned to a tide of fundamentalism, hazardous not to my country Iraq, but hazardous to dear relatives of mine, my uncle, grandmother and auntie!
The Sunni Basrawis have an ultimatum to leave Basra no longer than the fourth of July, my uncle have left to live temporary – his visa is only two months, with my other uncle in the UAE, but he will be leaving within few days with his family and my grandmother to Syria as many Iraqis found refuge there. My auntie and her husband they are still in Basra but they will be leaving shortly to Northern Iraq, the reason she is able to reach the northern point of Iraqi Kurdistan is because she is married to a Kurd, and he does not know how to speak Kurdish, since he lived most of his live in Basra.

Is this how Basra becoming, is this how tolerance and peaceful livelihood to be erased and wiped out just like that?

It is the Iranian intervention and influence is to be blamed, it is the death squads, Faylaq Badr, and all the rest of the fundamentalist groups to be held liable for this crime! Many will brush me as simply a sunni, however I do not identify myself as a sunni but as an Iraqi, and I do not have any sectarian agenda to say what I say, because simply I am not saying this, but eyewitness accounts through my uncle’s experiences in Basra, from raiding and bombing sunni mosques whom my uncle escaped one time , to killing the engineering dean in Basra because of his background, to now sunni evacuation in Basra.

Also, according to my uncle, the sunni Basrawis have send a delegation to the prince of Kuwait asking him to open the Kuwaiti borders for their lives, however he refused, because if he does or accepts such request, the matter will be politicized and internationalized. But how about people’s lives, if there are people who can afford to go to Syria or to UAE temporary, then how about the ones who can not, how about the impoverished poor, where would they go?

I will do whatever I can, I will be sending emails to amnesty international, human rights watch, talk with a Kuwaiti lady I know off and see if she can do anything, the Kuwaitis must do something, I mean they have distances relatives who are Basrawis, the lady herself is married to a Basrawi.

But my resolution of what I can do is forming gradually, and this is what I will do for the time being:


Ø Form a network of Iraqis regardless if they are outside or inside Iraq, however the priority is given foremost for the ones who live inside Iraq, since they can supply the information needed of human rights abuses and eyewitness accounts


Ø Keep an open mind and high Iraqi nationalism is required – Iraqi interests above all.

Ø Everyone reports from the region they know best, they can choose otherwise if they want to, however for technicality purposes, expertise is required, at least. For example, I am reporting of human rights abuses that Sunni Basrawis face does not mean I care about the Sunnis or southerners only, it is where I have my contacts, and this is where I get trustworthy information, and they are my relatives. I am well aware of Sunni fundamentalist groups that have extensive human rights abuse accounts regarding Shi’a victims.

Therefore, my resolution is to champion tolerance and peace by fighting fundamentalism, extremism and sectarianism, and that is by reporting human rights abuses of what is happening which most of the time hidden from us to know.

crazy ramblings

How do you know if a general population is bad? is it by the number of war frequencies, injustices and oppression? what if the majority was good and a few minority is the one responsible for the evil widespread? what if a country was like a weak woman raped and raped again and again for its bountiful breast and high mountainous dignity?
what if the grand fathers of their grandfathers were the inventors, creative and moraly conscious whom they had feminists fighting for the rights of the oppressed, union partisans, true communists, true muslims or christians, true hearted-people? what if a population who is generations ago was aware of injustices and fought gainst it, and the new is a population, is damp, boring, and accepting of the realist ache of injustice? what if a this new population is constrained by the laws of their grandfathers whom they sweated blood of their martyrdom to justice, what if this constrain and the culture of 'doing things' right is the reason , The Reason?
but what law? what if the powerful can tresspass anything? what if the few who are capable of change are denied these laws?
what if a country never had the chance to forumulate its own laws whether bcz of foreign intervention or the evil powerful?
what if the ethos and the aspiration of the 'good' nation can never be since good is divided between sects and ethinicites?
what if history and situations are the reason?
how a good revolution happen? how goodness can trumpet into succinct laws, at least relatively keep things in check?
what if goodness is always defined through religion or no religion? what if goodness is always dictated and never felted?
what if making making good is definite but by sacrifice, who is willing?


إذا الشعب يوما أراد الحياة فلا بد أن يستجيب القدر
و لا بد للليل أن ينجلي و لا بد للقيد أن ينكسر

قاسم الشابي



Yes, we need will, believe in the will, believe in goodness, and have the sha3b or the nation and not sub-nations mutasha3ibeh.
And yes I want my country and the goodness of my country back!

but am i willing to scarifice me?

Never.

Never let those hypocrites, bitter-hearted people make you to loose hope in idealism. I am an idealist and forever I will be, naivety is not my quest nor me, forever I am...an idealist!

So, can you climb this!

My fears...

My fears, they are like a ball made of glass, and I will smash it into pieces...and forever!